FUCKTITS!

Yeah, so this morning I was 69.2kg. Which is okay, but it's not my goal of sub-69. Today I completely fucked up and had a jacket potato with beans for lunch (600?) and a bit of lamb curry for dinner (who. knows.) and then a ton of coffee with milk (150, at least). So yeah, fuck tits. No loss tomorrow obviously.

On the plus side, I've written 9800 words of my book which means I'm about 10% of the way - I'm aiming for 90,000 to 100,000 words. I've also been debating the merits of submitting a few chapters to some literary agents... Like I don't think I want to actually use an agent, cuz why should people take my money, BUT maybe just to get some feedback on whether it's any good. I dunno... has anyone here written/published a book? 

I'm driven to finish it sooner rather than later. 

Peace & Fiction

Xo Xo

Dyou Ever Want To Just Wake Up A Week Later?

I am so unbearably fat at the moment that I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to see any of my friends so that they can see how fat I am... And yes, I'm losing now so it will be better, but HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED? And more to the point, do you ever wish that you could just go to sleep and wake up in a week when you know you'll be thinner... or maybe. That you hope you'll be thinner. 

Hunger & Irritation

Xo Xo

Bummed & Lazy

Today was a reasonably okay weigh-in day I guess, I was 69.4kg. Which is 0.3 (1lb more or less) down from yesterday. I did however get out of this bed this morning and I was sitting on the edge of my bed and my thighs were pushed against the mattress - flattened, fattened. My thighs were absolutely fucking MAHOOSIVE! So yeah, that's fun. I just kinda sat looking at my fat awful thighs like thinking... how the fuck have I let this happen?

Today calorie wise... Well. I had scrambled eggs (220), two 'zero' cal energy drinks (20), a nectarine (60), edamame (200?), seared tuna sashimi (150), and salmon urumaki (400?), so yeah. Not great - a total of roughly 1050 for the day. Awesome. 

I also have barely moved today, so basically, I'm assuming that I will not lose tomorrow. I'm okay with it as long as I don't gain. I kinda figured it was better than a binge, but still too much. 

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad panda. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Good News, Bad News, Good News

Weighed 69.7kg this morning - HOORAYYYYYY! I want to maybe do a cheeky fast this weekend and depending on what my weight is tomorrow i.e. if I lose tomorrow then I'll decide, cuz now I kinda feel like I may be able to get below 69 by Monday... 72 hours... 

Bad news - I had a really nasty greasy lunch today which involved a duck and hoisin wrap with chips and mayonnaise and then I had some dark chocolate when I got home from work, BUT then I haven't eaten since the chocolate. So that's all I've had today. I still feel fat and I'm fairly certain that I've already had too much with that stupid wrap. You know when you do that caveman, binge rage, feeding frenzy - like all of a sudden there is food available and literally before you've even processed a thought about it, you've eaten it all. It's such a weird psychological thing. ANYWAY, so ANA PROBLEMSSSSS. Anyway, but I'm hoping that because I've not had anything else, I won't gain. If I could just lose like 1lb overnight, I should be on track for sub-69. Which is kinda 8lbs in a week - which I actually silly - food weight, water weight. Gross - not real weight. 

Good news - I've managed to blag my way out of having to go to Ghana tomorrow, so I'm here for another week before I go to Nigeria. I'm really happy that I don't have to go. Fucking ay! 

Wish me luck for a loss tomorrow i.e.a win! 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Where I Am...

Work has been fucking killing me lately and not because it's busy, just because the people are so fucking incompetent and I hate my job. My colleague with whom I'm quite close is going to help me find something else... somewhere where my intelligence is actually appreciated. In all honesty, I want to finish writing this book and then I can hopefully stop working and just write. That however is a lofty dream all dependent on me actually being able to put a story together. I do however believe that I am smart enough to figure out what makes a good story AND that I just need to get my shit together and work hard. I've written 6500 words - I just have to get to 90000. I have been writing on the tube on my cute new pink laptop which is super light so I just carry it around with me. This is to change my life. (BTW, I took your advice Sammy, he is going to have long nails, just because he likes them... and because he thinks it will make him a better guitar player. 

My weight. 70.3kg this morning. So it was 72 or something earlier this week, so it's going well. I've been successfully not eating lunch and controlling my dinners. It's so great to skip lunch because then I don't feel too guilty about my dinners. Fucking. Win. Anyway, so today I've had about 600 cals (I think). I had four cups of coffee and two sugar free energy drinks. Then my boss very proudly gave my team these gourmet cookies and I felt too bad to say no. SO I was like okay, one will have like 150 cals in it, so not a problem. NOPE - 334 calories PER COOKIE!? Like are you fucking crazy? So I had half of one, the small half. So, I guess about 170 cals, with the milk from coffee 150 (about?) and then for dinner I had some weird concoction of soup and mash root veg for 266 cals. So yeah, I'm happy. I'm seriously hoping that I can get below 70 tomorrow. 

As of Saturday, I'm going to Accra (which if you didn't know is the capital city of Ghana) and then to Abuja (capital of Nigeria) and Lagos finally (largest city in Nigeria) before coming home. I'm hoping to lose at least 3kgs before I return. I plan to either do full days fasts or one meal per day. 

Fingers crossed. Let's do this. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo 

WHY DID HE HAVE LONG NAILS?

Firstly, my weight and intake - despite eating an entire (yes, the whole goddamn thing) loaf of white bread yesterday, I weighed 71.6kg this morning. Clearly, I am actually that fat that I can eat 2000 calories and still lose 1kg. It's kinda funny. ANYWAY, today I did better. I had a venti iced latte from Starbucks (allegedly 100 cals), a ton of coffee at work (150) and some soup mixed with root veg mash (260), so my intake today is a smooth 510 calories. I'm. Fucking. Stoked. Yeah, so I'm literally hoping to be below 70 by the end of the week - the first few kgs are the easiest. 

Anyway, so the subject of my post. I'm writing a book, again. I'm not going to tell you what it's about, because it's a surprise. BUT I NEED HELP - basically, the main character is a psychopath asshole who has super long manicured nails - the nails are significant, but I can't tell you why - my question - why does he have them? What is the sinister purpose - I originally thought some kind of drug use (like they did in the 70s) or something to do with scratching - he can't be a murderer and he can't be a criminal. ANY IDEAS? 

Wish me luck for my weigh in tomorrow. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

81 Days To Go

I'm going to try to avoid the predictable 'I'm so fat' monologue here. Because it's stupid and I have been saying that for weeks now, but I can't seem to control myself. I'm huge. Anyway, so I have 81 days to go and I have a brand new scale. 

Last night I went out with some friends in Chelsea - what a pretentious awful place - the women are all stick insects with no souls and the men are all perfectly quaffed with Eaton accents. It's kinda funny, it's mostly annoying - particularly as how I showed up there with my purple hair, tattoos everywhere and huge fat stomach. 

I weigh 72.6kg. I can't even believe it. But no more. 

My first goal is to get to 69.0kg. I think I can do that in ten days. I'm going to get down to one meal per day - dinner. No more lunch, no more snacks. Just a low-cal dinner and aim for 600 cals a day. I taught myself to do it once, by god I can do it again. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo