I Just Want TO EAT!! But, I Won't, Wanna Know WHY?

Because my one friend is now starving herself... or 'intermittent fasting' as she calls it. She is really little as it is... like. She's just one of those little people. Anyway, so she's going to be super hot on top of pretty. So now, I have to make sure that I'm still the thinner of the two of us. And of course Dr David <3 <3. - he can't see me being fat. He can't see me as being anything less than perfect really. I mean - I just spent 100 quid on shit for my flat so that when he stays over here, he thinks I'm pretty and clean and considerate. I'm not. But he doesn't have to know that. ANYWAY. So now I've bought all this stuff. He was going to come over tonight, but I told him I was tired. I need to clean up and make things look better before he comes over. Tomorrow I will clean. I got paid a few extra hundred pounds this month for what exactly, I'm not sure, but at least now I've got some extra stuff... I really like him. I want him to think I'm perfect.

ANYWAY, so that little stupidness aside. I weighed 65.3 this morning. Blurg. I don't seem to be losing. WTF? Probably the weekend binges. I hate being AT THIS WEIGHT! Anyway, today I had about 800 again... cereal, soup and chips for dinner with ketchup and the tiniest bit of chocolate. Boring. No big. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Fat, Fat, Fat. *swoon*

I shall spare you all the description of my smitten behaviour over Dr Dave, although as pathetic as it sounds, it occupies my mind all the time. I'm sure the novelty will wear off once he fucks me over and I'm back to square one. It is funny how romance is completely consuming, but also really motivating. I told him about my ED. Which was a bit comical, because he's on rotation in the psych ward at the moment... or whatever the other word he used for it was. And was like yeah, we were learning about personality disorder - check. I've got one of those. Anxiety disorders - yep, got that too. And then he said eating disorders and I was like. Piss it. I'm actually just gonna put this out there. I'm so sick of hiding who I am from people. MOTHER FUCKERS, I'VE GOT AN EATING DISORDER - DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? COME AT ME, BRO!? He said he doesn't care... I suppose the good thing about him being a doctor is that he doesn't quite have the same knee-jerk reaction that everyone else has, which is - you are a fucking weirdo. Just eat something. STOP being so difficult and just eat. 

Anyway, I weighed this morning. It wasn't a good number, so I shan't share. Tomorrow I will, I promise. I have had a similar intake to yesterday - around 700 - 800. Diet coke, cereal, soup and a small portion of pasta for dinner. I must say. I have learnt that eating breakfast and lunch is really awesome. I don't mind having a small dinner now ... or rather. Not binging at dinner, because I know I just have to wait till 9am and then I can have another small meal. Of course, my breakfast and lunch are the size of a normal snack. 

I watch the fat bitch that sits across from me scoff down her food. Her three cheese omlettes with fries and enough mayonaise to sink a small ship and I giggle. She's such a fat bitch with her ass sticking out like Kim Kardashian and her belly hanging over her jeans. Her fat legs, her fat arms. She is so disgusting. And you know what? It's karma, bitch! Because shes a shitty person too. She is a know-it-all gossiping, rude bitch. You are what you eat whore - and you are disgusting. It's no wonder that no one in the office likes her and all talk about her behind her back... like I'm doing right now. Anyway, she eats a lot. And she's a dumb whore. 

I forgot where I was going with this. 

Peace & Love 

Xo Xo

Heffalump - Me!

Didn't weigh this morning, because as a hungover monkey yesterday I ate everything. Not everything, but definitely about 1500 cals. At least. Anyway, that aside. Today I have had... I think it's between 700 and 800 cals. Cereal for brekkie, soup for lunch and pesto pasta for dinner, but quite a lot... not really a lot. But I'm thinking at least 400 cals with. I'm detoxing from coke light, because a friend of mine from work told me that her friend used to drink two a day and then she stopped and had splitting headaches for ages. I don't want that fuck, fuck!! 

Still smitten with Dr Dave. <3 <3 I'm sorry that I'm insufferably into a boy right now. As you all will know from reading, it's been two years since Roy and I broke up. I think this could be something real and I'm so happy about it. But now I have to make sure that I get super thin again, because no one wants to have sex with a munter. No one wants to have an ugly girl on their arm and every man wants to have the hottest girlfriend in the room. I should prepare just in case. 

I'm an asshole. I hate Kate Upton. 

Peace & Pesto

Xo Xo

Much Ado About Weightloss

... last night I got a bit drunk on skype with my sister and the Jewish doctor texted me. He was just finishing up with dinner, I was just finishing up drinking... (and eating). ANYWAY, so he came over and stuff happened. Which was awesome. He is awesome. It is all awesome. We barely slept and talked so much. It was amazing. He is amazing. He's so complimentary too. He weighs 78kgs. This morning/afternoon when he left. He tried to hold my hand and has been texting me since he left.

I really like this one. 

Love & Man-Love

Xo Xo

Hi, My Name Is...

So... I've been thinking about this for a while and you all know me as Fat Piggy - my name is actually Keran. So hi, how'd you do? :)

Today, I weighed and it wasn't awful. It was 65.3. Far too much, but again - considering I binged for about a month solidly... longer actually. It's not too bad. I'm confident I can be sub-64 by Tuesday. Today I've had another 700 cal day. I had cereal for breakfast (168), soup for lunch (130) and a veggie burger for dinner (400). We're okay for today.

LOVE IT!!! :) I'm going to crawl into my mother fucken bed and watch some mutha fucken greys anatomy and eat my mutha fucken veggie burger. Then I'm going to look at some MOFO thinspo on skinnyvscurvy AND THEN I'm going to imagine that I look like Emma Stone.

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

Fuggit.

So I still haven't weighed myself... I have been toying with the idea of only weighing myself once a week - not because I am becoming any less obsessive, but I seem to think that maybe if I do that then I will be more responsible across a longer period of time. So if I want to binge, my thinking is that I will cut it short because I can fuck up a whole week like that. I'm not actually, like. legit sure it will work at all. But I kinda think it's worth a try. Have any of you out there tried it - did it work/help/hurt? 

Anyway, so yesterday wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. I went on that date with the Jewish doctor. He's really, really nice and a total gentleman. He didn't try to get handsy or nothing. Although I did act like a TOTAL FUCKING SPAZ when we were saying goodbye. Like I waved and ran to the opposite platform. Really, Piggy - REALLY!? 

Anyway, so intake for yesterday was special K with almond milk for breakfast - 160, soup - 140, about half a bottle of white wine (300), two whiskeys (100) and two shots of tequila (200) - then I got bad when I got home and ate a bunch of chips, so about... 600? So that's about 1400 for the day. Not great. 

I still didn't weigh this morning... I'm going to weigh on Monday I think... Sunday maybe. You know what - SOD IT! I'll weigh tomorrow, I at least need to know where I'm starting right?

Today was better - I had cereal (170), soup (140) and pasta (400 - probably less). So today was a decent 710 and I'm happy with that, I mean I can get it lower, but for now, I am eating three meals a day which really helps with the binging I think.

The about the doctor, his name is David. The thing about David is that he keeps going on about how pretty and awesome I am. He called me hot - like can you even!? I think he's lying. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Such A Little Bit Of Pasta...

Wow, so I've been gone for a fucking age and a half. Mostly because I haven't been able to stop eating even when I haven't been high. So the short of it is that yet again, I have undone all of the good work I did before Cape Town. Although, surprisingly, I don't think I look too fat - BUT I definitely am. There is no way that one person could binge as much as I did in the past three weeks and not gain. To give you an idea - there was one day that I ordered take-out. Three times. In one day. THREE TIMES. Hello bulimia - how are you? Shit its been a long time since I binged like that. Anyway, I'm back. Back to ana. She never let's go for too long. But I think I'm done with eating. I feel like I don't want to eat anymore, like I'm not enjoying it. I hate food. I just hate it. Anyway, so I'm too terrified to weigh myself. I am going to give myself another day of low-cal eating before I weigh. I don't want to have a heart attack after all. SO today my intake was under 600 definitely. I had cereal with almond milk (200?) and pasta (350ish). I also had a sugarfree monster and loads of black coffee.. It's ALLLLL good. Anyway, I hope that it is okay. 

In other news, I've got a hot date with a Jewish doctor tomorrow. I really don't want to fuck it up, because his dad has a plane, so a) he's loaded and comes from a really good family. BONUS. And b) (more importantly) he is a really nice person, we've got tons in common and he's super easy to talk to. Although, let's just see. I know this is one of those dream-boat men, so I don't want to screw it up. ANYWAY. I may cancel with him, but I shall see... maybe. I do think that I need to learn how to be around people again before I get stuck in my ways, die alone and get eaten by my cats. Ever hopeful... I'm so hopeful. 

Peaceful & Optimistic

Xo Xo

Wow, I Just Turned A Corner

I just had this moment of true awesomeness and I thought I'd share. So as you all know, I've been speaking to my dirtybag ex, Roy. It's been about two months now that we'd been speaking, but we fight. All the time. And I was having this thought tonight about reasons why I am dragging my heels on moving flat soon, like. I really, REALLY don't want to. Anyway, so I thought, mmm... why don't I phone Roy and tell him this awesome thought I had. Sitting here about to watch Archer after a couple of bongs, I was like. Nope, I don't feel like fighting or getting pissed off anymore. Like, I want to talk to him - but I couldn't be arsed. IN OTHER WORDS IF THIS IS NOT YET CLEAR: I am bored with - OH MY GOD, I just accidentally kicked Gremlin off the bed, LOLZ *sorry Gremmie!!* - him. Sorry - so I am bored with him. Awesome. *fist-bumps* and *sci-5's* all round. 

Thank-You & Goodnight

Xo Xo