Insignificant.

My weekend was insignificant, besides eating too much. On Friday I went out for drinks after work and this ended in a chinese food binge when I got home. So yeah, that's not good. I was 68.5kg on Friday morning, obviously I didn't weigh on Saturday. On Saturday I went to the London Pet Show and had a couple of iced coffees and then when I got home, I was ravenous and ate the remaining chinese food. Freaked out, because I was having dinner with this former friend of mine (who btws, is looking SO SKINNY!) so I just had a green papapya salad and some coffee. Today I've had about 800 cals. So yeah, not great, but not bad. I'm going to weigh tomorrow morning and hopefully it isn't terrible news. I'm hoping for below 68! 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

The Kind Of Hungry Where You Shout At People

This is literally what it turned into at Liverpool street station when the Hammersmith and Shitty line was so delayed and then I missed the train and it was just all sorts. And I went and got a small soy latte just to hold me over till I got home for soup. I figured it was better than something fatty and chocolatey. I'm learning to restrict again... it isn't an easy process as we all know. It takes a while to get used to the hunger. ANYWAY. 

GREAT NEWS!! I weighed myself this morning and it was 68.3kg. WHOOP! Even the monumental curry yesterday didn't totally fuck things up. Today my intake hasn't been the best. In fact, it's been awful. I had a salad for lunch (360), a ton of milk with coffee (200), soup (360) and then... I just wanted chocolate so I had wafer chocolates (270), a diet rio (17) and alien invaders (98), so that's a huge fucking total of 1305. Great. 

I'm literally going to die if I gain tomorrow. I am going to Dubai in one month. I should be below 65kg's by then. 

Great. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

When I Fuck Up, I Must Learn...

Today, it was one of my colleagues leaving lunches and as a result, we went to a curry house on Bricklane for lunch. I had a plain naan and a lamb curry. Everyone knows. As in EVERYONE knows how many calories are in curryhouse curry. So, now I won't eat until lunch tomorrow. If all goes well, tomorrow I will resign from the current job. And then one week notice and then after two weeks in the office, they are flying me out to Dubai. So yeah, all good things. I'm really hungry and I want to eat. I estimate that I've eaten about 1000 cals today. About 600 in the curry and then 300 in bread and 100 in milk in my coffee. Anyway, I also still haven't weighed since Friday. Maybe I will tomorrow, but I'm so scared of being disappointed or worse... not having lost anything. I'll keep going. I'll definitely weigh on Monday no matter what. But yeah. I'm really scared of the scale right now. I don't really know if I can face what an enormous failure I am. 

Heartbreak & Anxiety

Xo Xo

I Just Want To Binge

But I won't. I'm seeing that former/ex-friend of mine, Monika this weekend for dinner and I know she has been working out like mad and allegedly has a six pack and who now tango's like three times a week. I mean. I know I won't be my GW, but at least I can not be huge. I didn't weigh myself today either as I'm too scared given my three days of binging. Maybe, I won't weigh till Monday and then it should force me to be good until Monday... I mean. That's a week of not binging. 7 days to be exact so I mean, here's to hoping. I still haven't got the job offer through yet, it was meant to be today, but now they are saying tomorrow. I just want this whole awful business to be over with including, but not limited to the fact that I have to resign. My boss is asking me all these questions about when we should do a BD trip to Bangkok and Singapore... When my holidays are etc. It's very awkward because I know in a week or so I won't be there any longer. Fun. So. Much. Fun. 

Today my calories have not been great, I had a salad for lunch (330), ostrich with root mash for dinner (310), yoghurt (100) and milk with my coffee (100) so that's 840 for the day. I just want to binge. I keep going on my browser to just-eat and then I close it... no, no Piggy, you don't need this. YES I DO!?

I will try  my best not to binge. I have a spot on my face that is literally enormous and angry. Do any of you guys watch Invader Zim (or used to watch, it's pretty old now) - if you did you will know the ep about Postulio (I would recommend you watch it on youtube, it's pretty fucking rad) - anyway Postulio - that's what I feel like right now. On my chin. 

It's fucking awful. 

Peace & Postulio

Xo Xo

W..W..WEEKEND

So my friend has been here since last Sunday so not only has there been a shiton of awful food in the house, she has also prevented me from weighing. I have no idea what I weigh right now. Not only that, but I have also been eating shit since Friday. Great. -_-

Today, I'm back on track. I've had 750 cals today. I'm just hoping that when I weigh tomorrow I will be under 70. As long as that happens, I know I'll be fine by the end of the week. My skin is breaking out and I think that's because I've stopped taking my birth control - I mean David is in Cape Town till the end of the month, so... Anyway and I've started taking it again. Horrible. I'm going to do a facemask and drink a shiton of water. 

I also took some laxies today. I need to get this bad food out of my body. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo