A South African In Paris (Part 1)

This is going to be a series of posts, because I don't want to leave anything out. 

I was hungover as shit on Saturday morning when I woke up, hungry from the night before partying until 5am with a ginger MMA fighter whose name I can't remember. I woke up at ten and got some food. I will get to Paris. 

I got in the shower and started chanting to myself "PARIS PARIS PARIS PARIS!" After dressing myself like a Eurotrash asshole, I packed and bag and headed to the station. I was ill, feverish from the vodka the night before. As it turns out, high speed trains are not good for hangovers. To make matters worse, I am stuck in one of those booths with a middle aged Brommie mom and her two teenage children. 

For the first two hours of the train journey, I tried not to throw up all over the Eurostar. Then I chatted to these teens for a bit and naively optimistic as they were lacking in basic social skills, they were absolutely lovely. 

When I got to Paris, my 3G wasn't working and for about half an hour, I cursed the French as they rudely barged past me on the streets as I waited and waited for my maps app to load - it never did. I wondered around until I found a bus stop map and thankfully, I found my hostels road on the map. It was right around the corner from Gare de Nord and I wondered over to the top of Rue de Dunkerque and found the hostel. It was huge and friendly. But absolute chaos. 

Maybe I wasn't excited because I had no idea what was about to happen or how I was about to have my dream Paris weekend. As I put the keycard on the access pad for my dorm room, I couldn't imagine the fun that waited inside. 

To be continued...

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Four Things That Made Me Smile Today

One.

I hope she doesn't mind me giving the shout-out, but this is why I fucking LOVE blogger - because when I post potentially morally ambiguous posts about only dating men for free weed - reference the Madrid born pot dealer (who by the way, I still won't date and am currently in the process of ghosting, because I am a coward) - Aye Ell posts this comment:

Congrats on your thigh gap lady! The dating a dealer thing cracks me up because I honestly married my dealer! Hahaha! He wasn't a big-time dealer or anything, mostly just sold to his friends, but we honestly met when he sold to me almost ten years ago. We started hanging out and smoking together and now we've been married for more than five years! It's going to be a great story for the grandchildren someday. Ha!

 And oh! this made me chuckle. Aye Ell, I love you for this comment.

Two.
This morning, I was back down to my pre-binge weight of 64.6kg, which now brings me hope that I might be in the 63's by the time I go to Paris on Saturday. The trick will be not to drink before then. Then to stay away from food while I am there. (RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PARIS, LADIES! I'm actually super excited about it this time. Paris, finally.)

Three.
I know that I sound like a man crazed maniac, because I am forever going on dates with people, but I went on a lovely date with a cute hipster animator last night, I think it went well. Maybe? But the point is that I feel sexy again, I don't think when I sit down that they are going to see a hideous monster.

Four.
I did something a little crazy - I booked a photoshoot for myself for two reasons: 1. I might be a fucking bulimic, and I might starve myself like an idiot, but I will learn to love this body, even if it means starving myself and loving it that way, and 2. It will give me motivation to get down to 60kg - which is where I've decided to stop. I want to hover between 60 and 62kg, so here is where I will get to.

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

And Then She Binged...

As of yesterday morning, I was 64.6kg. Obviously, this is fucking MARVELOUS. And not having binged or even had a naughty cheat meal, so I justified a Chinese takeout meal - which then also involved a trip to the store for chocolate, milkshakes, nuts and everything else. I feel properly stuffed, bloated and disgusting about it, and I'm starting to really hate the feeling of having over eaten. Anyway, it's not that bad and I'm not weighing till Wednesday now. But hopefully, I'll be back in the 64's before I leave for Paris on Saturday. 

Also, worth mentioning that I went on a date last week with a Spaniard who has turned out to be a pot dealer. Now, he's not that hot. He's not that tall and long story short, I would never in a million years date the man, but all us stoner ladies KNOW that we want to date a dealer just for a little bit, just to get some free weed. So, I'm undecided. He is like SUPER keen on me though and keeps trying to see my like every night. I have no doubt in my mind that this is him just wanting to get his dick wet and we all know about my massive intimacy issues, so it defo isn't gonna happen any time soon. But, free weed?

Worth also mentioning, HODOR! No one in my office has watched the new Game of Thrones episode and so I am lamenting the tragedy of the new episode alone today and legitimately, I am very upset by it. 

And the most exciting news of all: MY THIGH GAP IS BACK!!! (Or at least it is if I can not gain from this binge!) THIGH GAP THIGH GAP THIGH GAP! 

Love & Thigh Gaps 

Xo Xo

Closing In On The Next Goal

So as of this morning, I am 65.7kg - which means that I am less than one measly kilogram away from my next goal. I haven't been this weight in like... two years? It feels fucking great. My knees aren't so flabby, I can see my shoulder blades and my shoulder joints are starting to peek through. I remember first seeing a thigh gap at 64kg, so I'm excited for that again. I am also starting to see my hips, but not in the front like normal people, but on the side - it almost squares out. It's great - basically. 

I will be on track for my 1kg a week loss if I'm under 65 by Monday, but realistically, that will probably only happen by Wednesday. Not least of which because I'm going for brunch in a few hours and then to a burlesque festival. 

The question that I ask myself is where I'm going to stop. My goal has always been below 60 - but I also have been questioning recently what other people would think of me if I was that weight again... I mean - I don't want to draw attention to myself. BUT - I WASN'T THAT THIN! I dunno. I feel like aiming for 60 will lead to 58 will lead to 55 like it did last time and then I'll starve myself down and then binge myself up. I dunno. I feel like I need to have a finish line. 

Anyway for now, I am focused on breaking 65. And then it will be a provisional finish line of 63. I am proud of the way that I have done this loss - I mean I have been restricting, but aiming for 800 cals a day sometimes going over and allowing myself a cheatmeal, which pushes the cals up. My cheat meal this week was an Indian meal with David - who then stayed over. It's no vibes or anything, I just still like to see him every now and then...

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

So, What?

Ever had that feeling when you're like "SURELY TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!?" Well that's what I'm all about this week - I legitimately thought today was Friday last night. Alas. The Masturbator is well and truly ignoring me - I sent him a "I want to clear the air" message on Sunday, which he read last night only, didn't reply to and ignored me when I walked past him in Sainburys earlier. Whoops?

I also cut a fringe/bangs on Thursday last week and lemme say, I'm looking fly. EXCEPT for the minor detail that London has decided to pour with fucking rain for the last 24 hours, mince much?

I kinda feel at the moment like I'm a really horrible person. When Roy and I were breaking up, he said I was a bitch and all his friends think so. I remember at the time telling myself to feel better, but it's one thing the Masturbator said and then on Saturday this guy I hooked up with at the end of last year booty called me and he came over. I shouted at him twice and he left without saying goodbye. I need to be a nicer person. 

This is my goal at the moment, so no rolling my eyes or bitchy comments - no shit talking anyone and I will try to not huff and puff when life is being inefficient. I can do this. I can be a better person. 

Love & Not Hate

Xo Xo

The Masturbator Part II

Before I get into the subject of this post - my weight is 67.1kg (which I'm pleased about because I was on holiday for a few days, had an awards ceremony involving loads of food and drink, and had a fat cheat meal yesterday) and Barcelona is fucking incredible. If you have never been, go! Go now! 

The Masturbator - or office wanker - is a painkiller addict. Remember how I mentioned that when he was at my place, twice he went to his jacket to fetch something and then went to the bathroom straight afterwards. He said it was viagra, obviously - it was not. Not least of which because there was very obviously no boner action happening. On Wednesday at the awards ceremony, he was wasted really early in the evening and muttered something about taking a ton of painkillers before - which I didn't think necessarily odd because he goes to the physio weekly for some or other ailment. But then he always talks about drugs, taking drugs and getting high. He also has no friends or money. 

On Thursday morning as I was looking at him, the penny dropped. I mentioned it to the girl that sits next to him at work and she confirmed it - she said he is forever taking pills at work which he claims are "supplements" and she'd seen him take easily half a bubble pack of paracetamol that day. 

Drug addict. 

I don't have a "problem" per se with addicts, but - I can't. I just can't. I have enough demons for the entire world. Helping someone through addiction - I know from experience - is not pleasant. And frankly I just don't like him nearly enough to even want to be his friend through this. (Also conveniently forgetting the part where I said to him on Wednesday, while drunk, that I thought he had a problem with substances and he totally freaked out on me. We would've slept together that night, until I brought that up.)

So there you go, the Masturbator is an addict. I feel for him and his family, but I'm no Jesus Christ. 

Also, I'm getting my half sleeve finished tomorrow. Too. Much. Excite. (Follow me on Instagram to see!) 

Peace & Love 

Xo Xo