Naked Thinspo

Skinny(er) & Proud

Goddammit well the last 24 hours have been interesting! Let's start with yesterday. I had a job interview (got offered the job, turned it down) and then went to the place I used to work at and got offered a job there again, which was great, but after my exams. Everyone there was like gahhhhhhh you're so skinny. (The words we all live for). I weighed in at 63.6 yesterday, which was fine after my binge.

Then last night I went out with my sister and felt sooo skinny. This super cute boy (two years younger - I feel like a cougar) was totally hitting on me. A pic you ask? okayyyy...

And yes, this is me kissing his cheek, he is pulling a weird face, but so cute. Anyway, will never see him again, but it was sooo much fun dancing around with him, he kept trying to kiss me which I fought off with an iron will. So cute. I was SO drunk though, because I fasted yesterday which went well, then I had 5 long island ice teas and was fubar (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) and this boy kept trying to twirl me on the dance floor which was difficult for two reasons: 1. I was fucking drunk off my ass and 2. I was wearing these muthafucker high heels. Like SO high. It was challenging and I was falling everywhere. So anyway, had such a nice time. And all these boys were hitting on me and I felt so tall and skinny and my legs are looking so damn good.

So today I weighed myself and guess what?? NEW LOWEST WEIGHT! Okay only by 0.1kg but still. 62.6 (I always step on the scale twice, cuz obviously it could be wrong and the first reading was 61.8 and I start happy dancing, but then I was like.. "hang on" and stepped on three more times each were 62.6. Awesome moment. But then I ate chinese with my sister and drank coke, so ya. But I got an idea from reading all of your blogs which is that if I gain, I fast. If I lose then I get to eat 500 cals. So here is to losing. But, this will only apply till I get to 60, then I am going to reassess. But I am think that 132/60 isn't going to be low enough, so maybe 130? Or even 126? I dunno. Maybe. Wow, 126. What a low number. Shit. Anyway. I want my bmi at 18. Then maybe I will stop. :) Oh and took new measurements which I will put on my stats page, but for yall reading:

Waist: 73cm/28.5''
Hips: 86cm/33.5''
Bust: 85cm/33''
Thigh: 51cm/20''
My BMI is now 19.8 - Can I get a FUCK YEAH!?

So the big drama is that my boyfriend didn't come home last night and claimed to be at his friends house. But you know, I don't think I believe him. After all, why wouldn't he cheat on me. He hasn't told me where he was or apologised. I freaked out at 4am phoning and texting him thinking he was dead (I mean this is Africa you know!?) and nothing. So I am on a hunger strike until he apologises. We are going to his mother for dinner tonight, so he can either apologise or explain to his mom why I am not eating. It pisses him off that I don't eat, but it is rather sad that it is the only way I can force an apology. I have iron will. Try me mutha fucker. I don't care that he went partying and didn't come home. Whatever. I do care that he doesn't tell me, he knows I am totally neurotic and still he didn't text me to tell me he was too drunk to drive. Sorry for being inconsiderate. Four words - not difficult. I hate that I have to play these games, but fuck it man, be considerate of me. I love you. Sometimes I wish that he would cheat on me, so that I would have leverage over him. Like look - I am not always the bad guy. Because it fucking feels that way. I feel like his emotional door mat sometimes. Whatever. I am strong. Don't fuck with me. I can also play along.

Rant. Over. Thanks for all the lovely comments and welcome to all the new followers. I actually saw that two people stopped following my blog. I got upset for a minute until I realised how silly that is. Fuck those assholes and love to the ones that still follow. :)

Skinny & Proud
Xo Xo

And now I'm going back to sleep...

We could walk or job, or even a brisk walk - but we want to run, nay SPRINT. I'm not talking about weightloss oddly enough, I'm talking about life. I think we are trying to define ourselves and figure things out just like we are conditioned to do from such a young age and we feel guilty if we haven't got it all worked out. It is utter rubbish I think. We have more than 50 years to be defined and useful, to contribute, make babies, have jobs and pay tax. So why do we rush through highschool and varsity and try to figure it out? BECAUSE that is what the MAN teaches us. He teaches us to be prodigies, to be special. To figure it all out by 25. Then plateau for the rest of our lives and procreate. FUCK THAT! Gotta stick it to the man. ...Rant. Over.

So yesterday I had four cups of coffee with milk (30), then I had tomato soup (236) and about four thick cut chips (50). So just over 300. I don't think it was too bad actually. It took all that I had in me to not eat the chocolate my lecturer gave us to wish us well for the exam. OR the enormous packet of crisps in the cupboard. Tomorrow maybe I will eat those crisps, but only those crisps for the day. So with my normal coffee it will be about 600 for the day. Which is okay, I mean - it could be lower, but rather eat them and then they are done. Fuck, thinking about it is making me drool. Anyway, so 310 yesterday. Today I have had three cups of coffee with fat free milk (20) and about 60g of Cottage cheese (fat free) and lettuce - (70ish). So I'm rocking 90 for today so far. Tonight I think I am going to get it up to about 500. Well... I may just have soup again... But maybe I'll have something else. 500 is the limit for today. GOD I just want to eat.

I weighed in at 63 flat this morning 139 (Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee, welcome to the 30's. Why thank you!) with my BMI ringing in at... 19.9 (Weeeeeeee welcome to the below 20's) I want to eat to celebrate, but now THAT would be counter productive.

Anyway, so has anyone watched Supersize v Superskinny (programme in UK) I dunno what network it was on, but anyway, so they do this thing with the people on the show by working out how much they eat in a week, how many days they overeat or undereat by in a week. Based on 2000 - 2500 cals per day for a girl and 2200 - 2800 for a boy (I stand to be corrected on this by the way). So lets say that I am supposed to eat 2000 cals a day every day of the week. If I eat 500 cals on average per day for a week, I eat 3500 cals in 7 days. I'm averaging this out because somedays we binge some days we fast. This week, the average will be about 500. That means that in one week instead of eating 14 000 cals (Can you imagine eating this much!?) I eat 3500, which means, I undereat by 5 days worth of food a week. I eat food for 2 days over a whole week. Fuck. How awesome is that? I'm stoked that my bmi is going down.

Thanks for all the comments on my last blog. I will post more all round body pics when I get to 60 (132). Hopefully by the end of next week. Love to my husband and wife (George & Beth), our little polygamy circle - lucky boy George... :p

Peave & Love
Xo Xo

Cookies & Pics

I keep changing the title of this post...

Reprieve I tell you, REPRIEVE! As you are all aware, well some might not be (I find if I smoke too many bongs, I forget/lose days of the week) that today is Wednesday. Which means... stick insect with no soul time. So I shall start this in the usual fashion - I FUCKING HATE THAT DUMB STUPID BITCH WITH ALL MY HEART! VOMIT ON YOU! However, calmly, I shall continue my weekly rant. First off, she was later than usual today. Which was fantastic, because it meant that I didn't need to sit in class for 15 minutes before the lecture and listen to her shit stupid asshole-ness. When she did blow in she looked like shit. Her eyes really are abnormally bug eyed. Dumbo BUG EYES! Vomit on you. But what PISSED me off was that as soon as it was clear that her regular posse of boys was not attending this lecture, she made damn sure that the quiet-wannabe-popular gay boy was reassigned to the seat next to her. Is this a fucking popularity contest? She never speaks to him ever, except now she needs someone to sit next to, so she moved her books when he walked in and told him that he should "sit" *smile* VOMIT ON YOU!

In other news, the Jewish princess with the mutha fuckin' ugly shoes today wore quite nice ankle boots. So, okay, maybe all her shoes aren't FUCKING DISGUSTING, but she still walks like a dinosaur in them. As it turns out, she is in fact from Israel - so A) I don't feel so bad about calling her a Jewish princess. AND B) I almost forgive the dinosaur strut since, well maybe she's from Gaza and they only have rubble there. Haha, okay worse generalisation, but anyway. I think she gets points for being Israeli. Still walks like a T-Rex though.

And then the quiet blonde in front of me. I have hair colour envy of her, but she is one of those people who are thin and pretty, but I'm sure my BMI is lower than hers and I know she has cellulite, so I'm not inclined to dislike her because of that. She also really makes an effort to look nice for class, and hell you can't fault a girl for trying. She reminds me of an old law school friend. ANYWAY, my point is. After the break between periods, she came back to class with a HUGE mutha fuckin' cup of hot chocolate AND a cookie the size of my face. *sigh* I remember chocolate... She also took about half an hour to eat the damn thing. I was right behind her. It was empowering and really torturous at the same time. Chocolate cookies, the rack of ano's.

In other news, I handed in my application for masters today, I am busy with my funding applications (which I'm not likely to get) AND I have a test tomorrow and an exam in a week. I'm going to nap shortly.

Yesterday, I was doing well. Then I went to my mother for dinner and had the following:
- Broccoli with cheese sauce :(
- Boiled Rice with Peas in it
- 3 Halves of Roast Potato
- 1 largish serving of banoffee pie. FUCK YOU BANOFFEE PIE!

So it didn't go well. But whatever. I am going to either fast today or stick before 300. If he notices that I haven't had dinner, then i'll have a can of soup. I haven't lost or gained on the scale today. I want to try alternate between fasting days and  500 cal days. I just have to get around dinner time. Because he assumes that I nibble throughout the day, but if I don't eat at dinner then he freaks. Sometimes I get away with it though.

I just wanted to add something about my blog yesterday on Skinny Pride. I think the point that I failed to mention is that if you are heavy still or just starting out or even trying to lose and failing. Skinny pride I think is about aspiration to be skinny. I know I'm not "fat" (matter of opinion really), but I also am not skinny either. We all aspire to be skinny. That's why I advocate Skinny Pride. I can be better. And thanks for the comments. One day we shall all be skinny together :) :) We can do this. 

Peace, Serenity & Courage
Xo Xo

p.s. Welcome to all my new followers - and hey hey hey to the old ones :) I do try to look at all the blogs of my new followers, but sometimes don't get round to them. If I'm not following yours, lemme know mkay? X

So this is me... My feet are together and I'm not bending, so it's my "Real" Thigh Gap. As you can see, there is a long way to go, but hey, thigh gap.

And from the side. Notice of course my nice pooch and the cellulite just under the ass. I forgot I took these pics, but now seeing them, today is definitely going to be a fasting day.

Skinny Pride Bitches!

Fuck fat people. Fuck fat people telling us how much they weigh and their diets and how they look shit in their clothes and then chug down alcopops, beer and cider and shove their faces full of potatoes and pizza! Fuck fat people!

Last night I went to a comedy club with a friend of mine. My bf bailed at the last minute so it was me with her and her beau. And before I left, I could not find a single thing to wear that made me feel like I wasn't a baby elephant. Eventually I settled on this cute black dress (strapless, fitted to the waist where it bubbles out, studs on the bustier edge) and a black bolero with plimsoles. And a green scarf. And the dress was quite short, since it is summer. Anyway. But it made me look so neat and cute. Like nothing spilling out. My legs are looking skinny-ish. And she told me last night she now weighs 74kgs/163, which is over 10kgs more than me (20lbs) and ya know what. Fuck it, it feels good. So I sat there the whole night, sipping water and coke light (booze has way too many calories for me right now, and exams round the corner so I can't afford the hangover either). And she was telling me about all the things she eats. She has a full breakfast every single day. Including cereal and eggs. I mean - that's more than I eat in the whole day. But suck it. I fasted yesterday, and I'm planning on fasting today if I can get away with it. Skinny fucking pride. I don't eat, but my bmi is hovering around 20 and I am proud. HAHA can't fucking wait until I hit 128. THEN skinny pride is going on parade!

And you know, I think it is actually so unfair that fat people can go on about how fat is the new sexy, and men like curvy girls, etc etc, bullshit bullshit. But we work harder than fat people to stay at our weight. Blood, sweat, vomit and tears. But we have to hide. We have to cover ourselves in oversized clothing so people don't notice that maybe we are thinner than normal. SO fucking what! This society is so fucked up. Everyone wants to be skinny, but it's a crime if we are. We idolise celebrities that are walking skeletons and we aspire to be like them, but god forbid we try look like them. Bullshit.

Today - 18 October 2011 - is skinny pride for me! Today, I am not apologising for not eating. I am not apologising or making excuses. If I don't wanna eat and go for an hour run, fuck you. Skinny pride.

Yesterday, I had about four cups of coffee with 20g of fat free milk in each, 2 small cans of coke light - that's it! <3 Today I have had two cups of coffee - I put sugar in the one accidentally and then I drank it. That was 33 cals just on sugar. I think I may be going to my mom for dinner, so i'll have to eat there. But keep it below 300. Weighed in at 63.7 this morning (140) stoked. Hopefully, will be below 140 tomorrow. :D

Skinny Pride Ladies. Fuck the fatties!!

Peace & Love
Xo Xo