Nipples A-Hoy!

So I got my nipple pierced and contrary to what every one else said, it was fucking painful. I mean. It is okay now, but still. Fuck it hurt at the time. I weighed in at a disgusting number this morning, which serves me right for so many days of binging. I promise to report my weight tomorrow morning, hopefully it will be better. I had salmon lettuce wraps for dinner, some pineapple and a large skimmed latte from Costa. All in all, I think I'm looking at 550 for the day. I also took some laxies, just cuz I'm worried that I am carrying around a lot of excess food weight from my binges and with not a lot going in, I just needed a bit of a cleanse I think. I am seeing my ANA friend tomorrow, and I know how fat I feel around her, so hopefully, it won't be too bad. Just trying to drink lots of water. I am determined to be under 60 by the end of the week. I know I can do this. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Such A Nob Sometimes

I've been thinking about this for about three fucking weeks and I managed to forget because somehow I am a complete airhead. Happy 2 Year Blogaversary to me. I have had this blog for 2 years now and WOW! does time fly sometimes. That aside, HEY! 

I don't have all that much to update except that I have pretty much binged for the past three days solidly, except for today where I have fasted. Not a single calorie has passed my lips for about 24 hours now. Amazefest. The German and I have also officially broken up. But I still have to see him in about a month at a conference, so I have to make sure I am looking skinny and sexy for then. I'm going to do a juice fast until Monday. I've never actually tried one so I am actually really keen. 

Tomorrow, I'm going to get my nipple pierced, because fuck it. Why not? I'm also contemplating getting a kitten, because again - fuck it. Why not? I just want to be skinny and awesome. I'm feeling kinda awesome, binging aside. But now for the skinny part. I'm going to weigh in properly tomorrow, so will update. I've decided that if I'm going to be lonely and unloveable, then I just need to be a lonely, unloveable badass. 

That is all. 

Nipples & Peace

Xo Xo

It Must Be Broken

This morning I weighed in... and I weighed in at 60.6kg. How the fuck is that possible? I lost - no jokes - 5lb overnight. My scale has got to be broken. This is even after I ate that whole punnet of grapes - so my intake was like 800 yesterday and I still lost 2.4kg in one day. My scale must be broken. I weighed in three times and each time it was the same. I showered, then weighed again and it was the same. I mean - is it possible? I mean - if it was salt and bloating maybe, but what the fuck. 2.4kg OVERNIGHT!? 

Anyway, so as if that isn't amazing if by some stretch of the imagination I actually did weigh that much - I went and fucked it up today, cuz I had a sandwich for lunch, two small bags of crisps, peanut butter cups and two cups of coffee. So I'm guestimating that I am somewhere around 1600 for the day. Not the end of the world. So I had that for lunch and I am not eating again today, so hopefully it will digest and not turn into fat immediately. I have had like a gallon of water trying to mitigate my fatness. 

You know how when you eat, it's like you can SEE it forming on your thighs. Disgusting lard. I'm going to need to get a new scale. Cuz I can't have these inaccurate measurements all around me. 

Love & Lard

Xo Xo

Well...

Yesterday didn't go quite as well as I had anticipated. I basically cracked and had a quarter crispy duck with szeshwan pancakes and hoison sauce. Which was yummy. I have no idea what that means for how many cals I had yesterday. That being said though, I weighed in at 63.0kg this morning, which is great. It means that my binge didn't completely fuck everything up. Today I had a reduced cal enchilada, a cup of coffee with honey and a minneola. I think that puts me about 500 for the day. Probably a bit less than that, but let's say 500 to be safe. I was going to have grapes too, but i can have those tomorrow. 

So that friend of mine whose fiance was cheating on her and broke up with her a week ago, she already has a new beau lined up and waiting in the wings. I am so fucking jealous honestly. It is because she is thin. I know she must weigh about 55kgs. So I'm going to get competitive on her ass now. I need a hotter beau than her and the only way to do that is to be thinner. If she wants to be thin, I will be thinner, I don't give a shit. Also, when we go out I don't want to be the fat one. Fuck that honestly. Next to her I look like a hefer. I think I'm prettier though... maybe not. Fuck sakes. I HATE THIS SHIT!!

Love & Grapes

Xo Xo

You Don't Even Need Three Guesses

Because we all know from my last post that I binged. And it was disgusting. I ate four blueberry muffins, a large packet of crisps, tuna and sweetcorn salad, a sub and cannelonni. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed that I ate so much. If it's any consolation - which it isn't - I felt really, really ill most of last night after it. It was awful. Oh and I hate a fudge milkshake. Today, I haven't had anything except three cups of coffee with milk and about a teaspoon of honey between them. I plan to not have anything else, except maybe some fruit. I was 62.3kg yesterday morning, so I'm hoping to still be in the 62's tomorrow if I don't eat today. Hopefully not higher than 63's. 

I also had a long skype with my friend in Cape Town. What a pair we make, because she has an overeating disorder, which isn't just a nice way of saying she is fat. She is a food addict and is out of control with her eating. This is quite recent for her, two or three years I'd say. She can't even go for one day without bread. Anyway, I kinda told her about how I've reverted back to this and how in control I feel. I feel like she is genuinely the only person in the whole world who I can talk to about my disordered eating without any judgment or the whole - let's cure you - attitude. I like being able to talk to her about it. 

Anyway, despite the binge, I'm hoping that it won't set me back too much. I just need to lie in bed and revel in the hunger. It makes me feel powerful and like I'm progressing towards my goals. Didn't hear anything about the job at Visa Europe yet. I really, really want it. I just need an interview. I can do the rest. Man, I want it so badly. The German is back from the Arctic circle. I told him my conditions about continuing this charade. I'm already regretting it though. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo