Will The ED Thoughts Ever Leave?

I'm not sure if the ED thoughts will ever stop... In a lot of ways going on this Kayla Itsines journey has been good for me, because it has helped me to stop the catastrophic thinking and getting completely off the wagon. I mean, I eat three balanced, smallish meals per day about 1200 cals max, I don't have many starving days at the moment (for the first time in years), but. The question that has been rolling around in my head is whether the ED thoughts will ever stop. I mean - to me, this is just another way of achieving the skinny look that is so beautiful. I will get strong and then I will be muscley and lean. Drop the calories a little more, obsessively eat clean food, no drinking and smoking. Is this any different? I suppose it's healthy in a body context, but we all know that the disease of an ED is more of a mental risk than a physical one... so... is it better? One obsession for another. Will it ever stop... I don't think so. 

I leave for San Diego in two days. I will not go off track while I'm there. Salads for me. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

*scream cry* PIG!

I feel like a pig.
After all I am a fat piggy.
Nothing will ever change.
I may as well give up.

Pig. Pig.
Xo Xo

2600 Calories

... Is what I ate today and I'm only mildly disgusted with myself. It isn't that bad since I did do a 16 mile hike today which equates to about 1440 calories burnt. So like, it's kinda okay. It's kinda not okay. And tomorrow is leg day, and I have worked out consecutively for 8 days now. I'm just so tired and still fat. Still not seeing much in the way of results, apparently it takes a month. So I managed to meet my goal for this week of getting all my cardio done. My goal for this next week is to get my diet onto a track of perfect cleanness, this week let's hope. But then I am flying to San Diego on Saturday. My goal is to do cardio on Sunday (which is superbowl) and have Saturday as my rest day. Three weeks finished, only 9 more to go.

What a ramble. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

P.s. please try to not to be too disgusted with me. :(  

Skinny Fitspo

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

The Diet & The Exercise

So just a quick update - I've stuck to the exercise programme this week religiously and tomorrow I'm going to try and do a LISS session tomorrow anyway (Low Intensity Steady State) and then a 13 mile hike on Sunday, but that will be a chilled one, but still at 90 calories per hour - 1170 calories burned in one workout, which is excellent, so I'm going to have burned tons on Sunday. My diet hasn't been spot on, but I watched the BBC Horizon special on what diet is really right for you (if you haven't seen it then you MUST SEE IT - it's basically like the science of why people over eat, REALLY REALLY INTERESTING!). Okay, I'm digressing - catastrophic thinking - is the thing I wanted to mention. It is something that they talk about in the documentary and it is very relevant to not only the obesity convo, but also the way that we think about what happens when we cheat. GET TO THE FUCKING POINT PIGGY, JESUS! Okay so what happens when we cheat our diets, we think - oh god, I've done it, I may as well go COMPLETELY off the rails, because I'm already off the rails. I've written posts about this before, when it rains, it pours. This is something that was mentioned on this documentary and it was called 'catastrophic thinking' so regarding my diet, I did 3 bad things - 1 on each day this week, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - all three were eating a snack that was too high in calories and pushed me up from around 1000 cals to 1500 cals. But, having watched that piece on BBC, I was like, yes this is done, but it isn't an excuse to have a large bag of crisps, a chinese takeaway, a slab of chocolate, milkshake and miscellaneous carbs. 

Progress, slow and steady. I feel like this programme is helping me get over some of my ED stuff. I'm hoping for a weightloss on Monday when I weigh. Today, I had a cheat meal which was enormously high in calories, but I did also do my full body workout for the day. 

*QUICK NOTE, IF YOU ASKED ME FOR THE KAYLA ITSINES PROGRAMME AND I HAVEN'T SENT IT TO YOU, WON'T YOU ASK ME AGAIN? I WANT TO SHARE THE LOVE!!*

Peace & Love

Xo Xo