Fuck your fucking face fucker!

I am so fucking furious with myself. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I think I swear too much. Fuck it. Anyway. I had a binge day yesterday. After my fast on Saturday, I was feeling very unwell yesterday. So in the morning I had a piece of toast and a glass of fat free milk... About 200 cals... More or less. Then I went to my mom for lunch. AND every fucking member of my family was giving me shit about eating, so I ate with them as well as dessert which wasn't even nice. So easily about... 600? Then I got home and had some crisps with my bf another 200 at least. Then another slice of toast with butter - 200. Then over baked fries. At least 400. So let's see the totals here people - hmmm 1600? Fucking terrible. Today I weighed myself and I'm back up to 64.5kg. Two binge days in the last week with only five days to go till the festival? Ahhh. Well I'm hoping to be a stable 62 by friday. I'm only eating soup till then. Well soup and salads. Basically - vegan, carb free week.

My ex and I chilled together on Saturday, which was really nice. Him and I have a complicated history and technically he's not even my ex. I was dating this other guy, but leaving for england. So it was always going to end. So L was friends with N and L always hung around N's flat etc etc. There was always something between us, like you know when you make weird eye contact and stuff. So one night N and I came home drunk off our asses and N went to bed. I wanted to watch tv and chill with L and M(flat mate of N) on the couch. M was fast asleep and L and I were kinda cuddling on the couch. Then we kissed. And it was all over from there. We slept together in the week later and hung out a lot. Then I got on a plane to London for 6 months. We texted a lot, fell in love blah blah blah but then his ex moved to our city and it was all over. MUTHAFUCKER! I hated him, I thought he was the biggest cunt bag on the planet. Anyway, so I didn't see him for the first 3 months that I was home, but by then I was dating my current bf. Anywwwway, so on SAturday he tells me he's still in love with me... Like. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!?!?!? I think it's just cuz I am 'hotter' now that I am thinner. What a cunt honestly. So now, I think I need to just avoid him for a while. Make sure nothing happens. Because when you get drunk, it is really easy for something to happen.

Well okay, so now I have ranted like a mofo. Fuck sakes. I am so hungry. I'm going to make tomato soup, but a super low cal one i.e. tomatoes, an onion, garlic and some veggie stock. Super low cal. And snack on that all day. I have been trying to be good about my vitamins as well. So ya. Yes we can. Ahhhh, I'm so bleak that I won't be 60 by friday.

Bleakass.
Courage & Respect
Xo Xo