OH my GOD!

My internet at home is still fucked and I can't use my computer at my moms house just in case they check my browser history. Oh my god. So that's one thing - reason I haven't been posting as much, because blogging on blackberry still fucking sucks. Jesus tap dancing christ. I had my psychiatric evaluation on Thursday - I really like her so yes, we chatted about the ex boy who told me that he is in love with his ex. Yeah. Thursday was a rough day. Anyway so that, the borderline stuff and my bulimia - alleged bulimia. I am a healthy weight - christ. Thin people have eating disorders. Mine are just issues. :) Right so last night. Oh my christ. Went to fetch some stuff from my ex's place and had a couple glasses of wine with the neighbours and went home drunk. My housemate came home a little after me. Drunk also so we decided to go to Tiger. Oh jeez. As soon as we got there we had two tequilas each and cocktails. Holy hell. So drunk - did I mention btw that I fasted for two days until this afternoon so my tolerance was lowwww. Then met this boy. The rest is all a bit foggy after that. He was SO hot. SO hot. I remember making out with a friend of mine. Then this hot hot boy and I decided to leave (why!? I don't know) I drove his really nice car - an Audi. Back home. Then - ya. I was pretty sure that we only fooled around a little bit. But I'll leave that for later. Then decided to leave and drove to my ex's house let myself in and passed out in his bed. Oh and scraped my car against a wall. He was less than impressed. So he got home this morning - where he was last night is not something I care too much about - and there I was. So my new resolution is to not get drunk and miss him. Screw that! No more. This break up has spanned almost three months. Enough is enough. Then I got home this afternoon and I find (this is so disgusting) a used condom next to my bed in its wrapper (so it wasn't like - gross or anything) but fuck my fucking life that means obviously that I did have sex with this guy last night. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't remember it. I'm so disgusted with myself. It is taking drunk slut to a whole other level and obviously it was just a rebound hook up but fuck man. So I'm taking control of my life. No more of this shit man! Seriously! Anyway. So that is basically my drama for today. As I mentioned I water fasted on Thursday and yesterday except I had a cup of hot chocolate and a cracker and then all the booze so I guess yesterday doesn't count. This morning I had fries and a shake and I think I'll have some mango now since I'm dying from a hangover and just fucking dying. Christ all mighty. Self-Loathing & Disgust Xo Xo