Goals Redefined.

Well. The boy and I are well and truly over. And it feels great. I'm so over this drama. And he is never going to come here. He doesn't have enough balls to take what he wants. And that's just not me. So he ended things and I fought, then I gave up. And a friend said to me the wisest thing I have ever heard: But you like me, ever hopeful beyond what you need to be, and get yourself hurt. It's okay to let go. I cried when I read that, because as stupid as it sounds, I had never considered the possibility that it was okay to let it go. There is a peripheral issue here with that boy, my Lilypad (remember him?). But I told him that I'm tired of this hopeless romantic blah blah. If he wants to be with me, he must come here or let me know. I'm not going to move forward if I keep holding onto the past. The advantages of the break-up however are that I can get tattoos - as many as i want, because the boy hates tattoos. I also won't ever have to be forced into having children, thank god. I have regular nightmares about this. So on the whole, it's good. I am definitely very sad about it, but I can only do so much. And love isn't meant to be that hard. I am very disappointed in the person that he is, he has no respect for anything but himself. And that's sad. But I'm done with being disrespected and disregarded. Good luck to his next lady. Because she isn't going to live up to me and when he realises that I can't wait to laugh at him. Saying that, I'd love to still be his friend... he is doing the website for my company, so we will have to be friends. 


Anyway, so my company website will be launched in a week from today, which is SO exciting. I can't wait to start working for myself full-time. I just can't wait. I have started recruiting writers for my agency, so all in all, it's going smoothly. I have also decided that I would like to start a charity that supports a girls football league in Kabul, Afghanistan. I watched the most horrific news segment on how females are shunned and disguarded for having an interest in sport. It's disgusting. So I would like to try raise some money to help fund a girls football league :). But I need to establish my company before I start giving money away. Although I thought that I may buy equipment rather than send money, you can't trust anyone anymore to not embezzle. So my goal for 2012 is to have a self-sufficient company. And my five year goal is to start this charity for girls in Kabul. 


Oh yes, did I mention that now I can lose as much weight as i want without any pesky boyfriend telling me not to. And I am amazingly stoked. I may even try and get as low as 50!! Today I was just below 57. And so far I have had about 170 cals - which included three small blocks of chocolate and lots of tea. For dinner I am going to have honey baked peaches. And that's it. It should put my intake at around 400. Let's hope for a nice 55.something tomorrow. :) 


Thank you for all the lovely supportive comments. I must apologise publicly for not being able to reply to emails recently, I have literally been working my ass off. I will I will. And I know I say this repetitively - I'm not here to encourage an eating disorder. If you want help losing help, I am more than happy to provide assistance. I recently started chatting to a lovely young like-minded legal eagle who I'm trying to help. But I will never encourage my eating habits for ANYONE else, no matter how much you beg. As I have said so often, this is not a joke. I know often we make it sound candid and my life may sound great. But trust me. The only reason it sounds candid is because ranting on and on about how shit it is to have an eating disorder would certainly not be a very pleasant blog to read. 


Love & Peace
Xo Xo