Something's Happened

... which I can't talk about at the moment, but will update on Sunday when I get home. Sorry for the silence. I'm still fat. That much has not changed.

Love & Peace
Xo Xo

So I guess I'm vegan now...

My new thing. I discovered that raw just isn't for me. I really like having cooked food. Like SO much. More than that, I think it's impossible for someone with a low bmi to live off only cold things, especially if you are living in a cold country. So yes, axe that shit. So now, I'm trying the vegan thing. Day two and it's going well. I also just discovered and this is SO stupid, but I discovered that oatmeal is the same thing as the oats I have been eating all my life. Its just called a different thing. Fuck sakes. And its so low in cals for the amount of food that it is. Today I'm on about 630 cals for the day. Which is better than the mass binging I have been doing lately. I swear, my thighs are enormous. Fucking enormous. Hopefully I will be able to not binge for a little while longer. My last binge was only two days, but fuck it. It was horrible.

I think i may have a new crush... and he speaks just like a wildling from Game of Thrones... HOT! Thank Game of Thrones for making the north sexy again. I have nothing to add. Please update your stats on the challenge page, don't distress, because this is being noted. :) We're almost into month two. And it seems that everyone is having challenges. Its funny how you start a challenge with the best intentions but they never stick for too long. My thighs are enormous. My belly looks pregnant. My arms are so fucking fat. Gross. And always just so so much work. I can't wait till the end of September... Looks like I may be able to take a break.

Love & Oatmeal
Xo Xo

Polyamory & Lipstick Lesbians

I know this is totally left field and i don't want to freak anyone out or anything like that. I also know that this has nothing to do with weight or ED's or anything like that, but since when have I played by the rules...? I have been watching this reality show called Polyamory. Basically, it's the idea of being in love with several people and being able to, within that relationship have other lovers or boyfriends. The show I am watching consists of a married couple and their girlfriend who get engaged as a triad. And then two married couples who are... for lack of a better word. A foursome. And they all have sex together and love together... Now. I don't know why exactly this has struck a cord with me... Maybe its because i feel like I can love different people at the same time, deeply but that it doesn't detract from the love I have for the other person. I mean. When I was dating Roy, I was still very deeply in love with Lilypad. And the affairs I had beyond that relationship did not necessarily mean that I loved him any less, it was just that there were other feelings involved with the affair I had with a friend of his... I don't know does that make sense? Similarly, I am overwhelmed when i watch these people at the love. Just the overwhelming love they have for each other, and its not all about sex. I mean, its just so much love. Love like I cannot imagine receiving from anyone. And... now this is making me cry about Roy again. Dammit. I'm so sick of crying about him. Fuck sakes. Anyway. I mean look, its one of two things that I'm thinking about with regards to polyamory, am I just looking for an excuse to be able to have sex with more than one person, in which case I'm a bad monogamist. Or is it something more, something like I feel like I need more love than I can get from one person... Is hoping for that much love from one person unrealistic. <-- This sentence right now. Tears. Just tears. I thought I had that much love. But I didn't... maybe it's time for a new strategy. I'm just curious I guess. God, the scars run so deep. So deep. Anyway, just a thought. Does anyone have an opinion? Please don't throw god at me. Because god, is not something I believe in. Although I respect everyones opinions and beliefs in it... it's just not for me.

Something else I have been considering is being gay. I know this sounds ridiculous. I am very curious. I have made out with women before, a number of times. And I have always wanted the opportunity to meet... a female. Independently of anything or anyone I knew and just. See. I'm definitely not saying that it will be physical, because as far as ... all of that. The whole gay sex totally freaks me out. But. I mean I don't know. So I'm kinda thinking maybe when i get back to London, which is next weekend THANK FUCK! that maybe, I'll go hit a gay bar, by myself. And just maybe dip a toe in. And check out the scene. Does that sound crazy?

Also, I am fat and enormous and disgusting and pathetic and I can't control myself. And I miss Roy so much. But I won't let myself miss him. Everyday its getting better. One day I'll stop thinking about him. Fuck sakes. Sorry so much bullshit in this post. But as I said, I never usually play by the rules anyway.

Love & Questions
Xo Xo

A case of the "I'm-so-fat''s

I forget sometimes how dark all this ED stuff looks to other people... It's just so normal. And I don't think of myself as a deep and mysterious person, I mean i think people that know me think I'm bubbly and happy, but somehow (well, I was googling what Hillary Duff's weight was at her lowest) I ended up on whyeat.net. And it's just so... dark. You know? It's kind of like it has to either be really dark and depressing or it is about recovery. I mean. I am living with an ED and I am fine with that. Okay, I do get lank sick of the constant stressing over food and the i'm-so-fat's. But I never think about in terms of being something I want to do away with or something that I need to keep secret. Right, look I don't go singing from the roof tops shouting about my ED, but I'm not scared of admitting that I have an ED. People have depression, anxiety, bipolar - whatever. Fundamentally, it doesn't have an effect on the people around me. I mean I guess that has something to do with the fact that I don't purge, so... there is that. And yes, I do feel a little awkward eating around people especially if its a binge, because you KNOW how much you can eat on a binge. I can out-eat huge men and go and go and go. And for people that know about my ED, I kinda feel like you're going... oh poor little ED girl, she can't help herself. But that is exactly what it is. That's pretty much the only time I feel awkward.

And it's funny how these binges get from just eating something you're not meant to, to being a full blown family meal for 4 down the hatch in one sitting. On sunday, feeling very down and depro with myself. I made myself a raw salad (cuz I'm still doing raw), and then the trigger thought came. You know the one, where you go 'hmmm, I think I'll just go get some food.' and then it's over, because before you know it you're out the door, down the road to the store and walking back with enough food to usually last you a week if you even ate those things to begin with. On Sunday, I ate TEN deepfried chicken wings, a huge portion of chips and a massive portion of egg fried rice washed down with TWO cans of coke. And before I could even take a step back, I had finished eating it all. And on the way back from the takeaway place... I almost started running, because I was SO excited about eating all this greasy disgusting goodness. It's the beast. I can't even tell you. And then when I got back here, I got my mayo and tomato ketchup. Laid out my drinks and just started going. The food was so hot it burnt my mouth, but i couldn't stop. And then it's like you dive head first into this world... Like a drug. And then literally your next form of consciousness is when it's all gone. And then, its when all the food is gone, for me, there is a conflict of two overwhelming feelings. The one says to me: Thank god its all gone, I don't have to deal with this food anymore. The other part: I wish I had more, why didn't I buy more. i want more before I have to deal with the consequences of what I have just done.  I'm not really sure how I got onto this topic... Anyway.

Yesterday I had 430 cals for the day. All raw, except my coffee. Next weekend is my last weekend in this shitty little town. I can't wait to get back to London. And the weekend after that I am going to this awesome club in Shoreditch called Fevula. And last time I went there was two years ago when I was fatter. And I remember getting hella dressed up for the occasion and went out thinking. People are going to notice me tonight, I look amazing. And I ended up feeling fat and disgusting. And no one noticed me. So this time. Things need to be different. I have my dress and shoes picked out already and I want to be at least 53kgs by then, which is 4kgs in two weeks. Totally doable. And for the last two days, every time I've thought about food, I've reminded myself of how disappointed I was that night. And I'm determined to NOT be that fat girl.  I WILL NOT BE THAT FAT GIRL! To my London ladies, I really want to meet up with some of ya'll. I know that's weird and intimidating or whatever. But my email is on this blog. So just let me know, you know?

After two days of lovely beautiful restricting, I am starting to feel beautiful again. Empty is beautiful.

Love & Peace
Xo Xo

Maybe Karma has intentions..

There are a couple of hippie beliefs that I have. Which may be childish, or maybe they have to do a connection I believe I have to the energy of the world. But I have always been a wish upon a star, blowing dandelions, cross my heart kind of person. If there is something to wish on, I never pass up an opportunity that maybe my wish will come true. I mean... It doesn't hurt right. And my new fav thing in England is blowing dandelions, which we used to do when I was little where you make a wish and then you blow the... thing apart. you know. The dandelion. Last time I did it was a week or two ago and I wished something about my ex... (you can't tell your wishes or they won't come true) and today I was in the garden and I picked one up and was about to wish the same thing. But then. I kinda had this thought that maybe wishing is just a way of attracting the right kind of energy or karmic pull to yourself that makes you more likely to have these things that you want... but maybe also there is some kind of universal... something that will make sure you only get the kind of energy you put into the world... like karma. But if you wish for something with bad energy, then you won't get it. Does that make sense? So maybe my first wish about my ex was going to bring bad energy to me... which is why I won't get what I want. So after having that thought, I wished something else. Positive energy... :) Look, I know this sounds so hippie-awful and I'm totally not one of those people, but you can't ignore certain cosmic coincidences that go on in your life. Sometimes, I really believe that if you put things into the world, they will come back to you. Two things happened like that today. The first relates to my little cry fest that I had last night. During the cry fest I randomly, for the first time in like two years, listened to this song that I used to be obsessed with before I met my ex and then after we broke up, last night was the first time I heard it and it was so weird, but it's like I understood the lyrics of the song way more than I ever did. And then today on facebook, I was mulling around and my... spiritual counterpart, this friend of mine with whom I have this weird connection to... like we are just on a weird wave length where we'll both say exactly the same thing at the same time. Anyway, it's weird. So today, his facebook status was the lyrics to that song I listened to last night. And let me tell you, it is not his genre of music. The other thing that happened today was that I met this dude on... Saturday? And he asked me to add him on fb because we got on really well and whatever and I added him, but he didn't accept. And I was downstairs making coffee after sitting at my computer all day today and I started thinking about him and I went upstairs and lo- and behold he had accepted my friend request and wrote on my wall. Cosmic coincidences, I'm telling you!

Anyway, this has nothing to do with anything. I just thought I'd share. Because I dunno. I feel like I didn't care about my energy in this world for the longest time despite being constantly reminded that there was something about it. And now. Well. I feel like now my eyes are open. I'm not crazy I swear.

Energy & Karma
Xo Xo

This is Tragic.

So obviously my yahoo account is registered to Fat Piggy, obviously, I get it. But still, this made me laugh. FUCK YOU YAHOO!

On the challenge front, I have updated, thanks to Slimarific who is officially my new BFF, the stats that I have. What I am going to do from now. Is only update according to the comments posted on the challenge page. If your stats aren't there, please let me know by commenting there and obviously, ya'll have till this friday to post your week 3 results. From my side, please only comment with your stats on that page, because as of now, there are stats allllllll over this blog and I think I may be missing a few. So check it out.

Thanks for all the support, ya'll are fabulous. I'm still dying under the pressure of work, but hopefully as of tomorrow I should have a few days of life to myself. In other news, I am still disgusting. I am still hopefully overburdened with work. And I got rid of the polish boy. I still spend hours and hours crying over my ex. Last night it was because I turned on the fan because it was so fucking hot and the sound reminded me of lying in our bedroom during the summer with the fan on, just laming out being hot. So I cried for an hour. I think I kinda expect to be like this forever, but I can't wait for the day when I stop crying over him. And it especially pisses me off, because I know he isn't crying over me. Right now I'm busy working at it's 5.41 in the morning and I haven't slept yet. So much work. Almost, almost done. So I'm listening to Judy Garland. When I'm feeling sad, it is always always Judy Garland or Breakfast at Tiffanys.

Love & Peace (what I wish I had)
Xo Xo

Tears. :(

I need it to be gone now. I need it to all be gone. Why why why is my ass so fat, my arms, my stomach why why why!?!?!?!?!? I feel like I try so hard and yet.. Fuck it dudes. I need the fat to be gone. I stand and look at myself and I wish I could grab a pair of scissors and cut it the fuck off. WHY WHY WHY won't it just go away. I'm never eating again. From now, I need it to be gone. I don't care if I look sick, it just needs to go the fuck away. My knees are disgusting. My fat fat arms. It's disgusting. It needs to go away. GO AWAY, no matter how far I come, I'm always just the fat piggy that started this stupid blog. Except now I have a broken heart to add to the equation. Fat fat fat. Fat, ugly useless piggy. Disgusting. I am disgusting. I need to go back to London, this town is suffocating me, it's like I'm back in Cape Town again. Fat ugly, miserable piggy. Disgusting and useless. With all this meat on my bones. Where are my bones? My bones don't exist, because I am a farm animal covered in meat. I may as well get slaughterred and put out to pasture. No wonder Roy didn't want me. No wonder. I shouldn't have got Gremlin, because now I have to stick around. Why can't it just disappear. :( I need it to disappear NOW!

Broken & Bruised
Xo Xo

A Sad Day

Today was a sad day for a number of reasons... Firstly because I cracked and had a pasta with cheese and custard... arghhh. BUT in my defense, I went to the supermarket with the intention of buying binge food, but while I was there I was kinda feeling icky after having eaten that pasta, so instead I bought chicken which I ate - just chicken breasts, smoked salmon for tomorrow, pesto (which I realised was not totally raw, because it has pecorino cheese in it), carrots, peaches and sparkling flavoured water. I need to stop drinking coke light somehow. So I thought for now, I can do it with this flavoured sparkling water and maybe what I can do in the future is buy normal sparkling water and put fruit slices in it. :) So I'm going to take today as my 1 day off and now I need to do four proper raw days in a row. Let's not go into calories for the day then, but it was a little victory for me, on my road to raw. My stomach looks like I'm pregnant. My thighs are disgusting. I am disgusting.

Today is also a sad day because 30 people got killed in a strike at one of South Africa's mines today. 18 of those people were murdered outright by the police who opened fire on the protesters. This is probably one of the worst massacres in our history since Sharpville. Which if ya'll don't know, was a foundational cornerstone of the resistance to Apartheid since it also involved police brutality. It really just makes me so sad. On one hand, there is police brutality - which is a South African curse. People in England take for granted that the police are meant to protect the citizens of the country. That's not quite how is works for South Africans. I am more afraid of them than I trust them. It is horrible. On the other hand, is the unions. Who incite violence. They create this... blood lust amongst the workers, take it all take it now, take it by any means, so they literally get machetes and burn cars and hack police officers to death. So actually, do you blame the police for taking that response? Anyway. It's very sad. Because violence breeds violence. And those poor people died for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

In other, less morbid, news - the Polish boy is coming back to this town tomorrow to spend another weekend. We need to have a little chat about him being a little more... distant. He facebooks me all day, wants to skype every night. And it's just a bit much for me right now. You know? Hopefully if I can manage to tear myself away from my work at all this weekend, I'll be able to teach him a few things... you know. Sexy... things. *nudge nudge wink wink*

Raw Sadness & Love
Xo Xo

Raw Food Fail.

Firstly, before you think I failed I totally haven't. I'm still sticking to my raw food thing. Today so far i had some peaches in fruit juice, a punnet of strawberries, two cups of coffee with honey (not raw, don't care - try to take it away from me, I will murder you), and a salad of raw corn, spinach, watercress, rocket, broccoli, peppers and tomato. Now let me tell you something. Eating that salad. Was like eating fucking grass. Holy fucking christ. Raw broccoli is not great. At all. The fail to which I refer is basically that I hate mutha fucken veggies, so a raw diet, is probably not the best idea. But on the plus side - all that food. 450 cals. Like. Dude, no shit. 450 cals for a fuckton of food. And, we all know that us ED types don't eat for taste anyway, so I reckon i will probably get over the taste of raw mutha fucken assgravy broccoli. I'm assuming that my insides are fucking loving me right now. They better be. I think what I am going to do. Is 3 days on, 1 day off. My off day, I'll be allowed to have something cooked... well at this point, I want custard. That's all. Like my off day will be dairy. I'm kinda hoping that like the meat thing... Binges will start to be on raw things. Although raw binging... on what - carrots!? I was going to buy nuts and smoked salmon at the store earlier, but i thought i'd leave those as my treats... On my off day. I could literally eat smoked salmon by the ton. I love it... 

Following on from my last blog, you know. I guess that's true. Like I don't remember a time when I didn't care... But wouldn't it be lovely. And I'm not saying if you are normal size you can't feel that way, more like being okay with being normal sized. Like. We just are not. I need to get back to reading your blogs, i am lacking inspiration and getting very caught up in my own world... Which I don't like, because I don't consider this to be a column where I write and ya'll read. Like this relationship that we have with people on blogger... it's reciprocal. You know? Actually. That's what I am going to do. I have some work to do that should take me about two or three hours and then I'm getting back to it. Fuck the corporates! 

In response to a couple of comments, I am going to give the Polish boy a chance. He is absolutely perfect, very caring, etc etc. My biggest concern is that I want to be able to get over my rage and hatred of my ex. And on Sunday morning when I woke up, i had just had two successive dreams about lilypad and my ex. And when i woke up and saw him, I was disappointed. And that kinda means, I think that I shouldn't be in a relationship - not to mention the fact that I just don't really have time. But anyway. Ignore the boy talk. 

Raw Love & Peace

Xo Xo

How did we do it before... You know, BEFORE

I have been wondering recently what it must be like to not care, like before we had EDs. You know. Put things in your mouth. Not give a crap if we were normal sized, chubby cheeks, no thigh gaps, flabby arms, double chins, fat knees, no collar bones... Not fat, just normal sized. When everyday wasn't the start or continuation of a new diet. Seeing the world in calories and numbers and sizes, fuck man. What a life to not think about all this shit... Wow.

Anyway, I have decided that I am doing a raw food thing for the next two weeks. Only raw. Which could be kinda cool, cuz I can eat other stuff... As long as it's raw. Today I have had about 460 cals, which has consisted of a salad of spinach, rocket and watercress, tomatoes and half an avocado, blueberries, two clementines and two cups of coffee with honey. I know the coffee with honey isn't raw, but taking my coffee.. would prolly kill me.

Nonetheless, things are going well in the Piggy household. Just so much fucking work to do. As for my company, I have found a developer to finish off the site, which is great. I have so much work to do at the moment, I'm not sure how I will ever find time for this. But one day at a time.

Thanks for all the lovely comments, and I apologise for talking about men so much. I think it's me trying to distract myself from the fact that I continue to be heartbroken and they provide distraction from this. Coco is keeping me together. Much love!

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

Updates Guys!

Listen dudes, I'm lank sorry I've been absent considering we have the challenge on the go, but please know three things. Firstly, I have just been fuck busy with work, literally dying. But in about four hours I'll complete a final order so tomorrow will be dedicated to challenge admin and updating. Secondly, I have failing at the challenge so fucking miserably. And thirdly, I will make sure it's all sorted out soon. In the meantime comment with you stats for this week. The week 1 stats will be published on Friday. :) So ya'll have till then to post em to me. I'll also give until Sunday to send through the stats for week 1, then I'll remove from the challenge page, cuz like. A LOT of people are in this challenge which is epic, but I don't forsee everyone sticking to it. Like me. I'm fucking failing. But tomorrow is going to be a fruit fast of 2 days. Followed by a juice fast of 2 days. Hoping to be back at my UGW by then :) . Ladies we got this, despite my crappy admin.

So, the polish guy was here for the weekend. And he is damn nearly perfect... except the sex. Which. Is. AWFUL! Well. Not awful, I guess he just doesn't know what the fuck he is doing, or he was fucking nervous. Anyway. He wants to come back next weekend, but I kinda feel like that's moving all a little bit too fast for me. Which is kinda freaking me out, so I may ask him to NOT come back this weekend and do it next weekend rather. TOO quick. The brit boy, Michael is coming over tomorrow night, but... I feel like I've lost enthusiasm there since he said two things: a) that I was the best *cough* he ever had. Which must be untrue since I was drunk off my ass. Which means he's only coming here to get in my pants, which is simply not on. I realise of course that this is a total double standard, since I am the one that puts myself out there like this and then gets offended when it's expected, but everyone knows that dirty one night stands are one thing, but the follow up is ladylike. Well that's the way I see it anyway. So I may disinvite him as well. I actually think... my life being full of men... Is not what I want. I feel like I need someone amazing, and while both these boys are nice, they are not extraordinary. I'd rather hold out. Oh... and I changed Meatball's name to Gremlin. It makes more sense since he is a loving, very cute, but vicious little bitch.

I am so fat at the moment. I need to make a plan. I don't even feel slim anymore. I feel like I'm moving back into the realm of average sized. HOW AWFUL, average sized. Did anyone catch the Olympic ladies highjump. Those chicks were such great thinspo, omg. Like tall, lean and skinny as fuck. I need to make a change or I am going to end up the same old sad piggy that lost everything. I need Coco. Coco hasn't been that strong. But this evening Coco gave me a harsh realities of life check. Fuck this shit man. Next thing you know I'm going to be a size 6.

Fat & Miserable
Xo Xo

All dem boys...

Wow guys!! Hey okay, so I promise I will sort out the challenge page by the end of the weekend, I have just been so effing busy. With work. And man drama. I have loaded about half of the details on the page. I promise I'll do the rest this weekend. Bad bad timing. but like good, because everyone should hopefully be a lb or two down by now :D :D. Anyway, just to respond to comments. You guys can join whenever you like. The more the merrier and I need a week 1, 2, 3, 4, etc weigh in. It doesn't really matter when in the week you weigh. Just like whenevs. You know. Except the final weigh in, which needs to be on the final date... Sunshinechild love? When are we finishing this? We said a month, so like... the 5th of September. I'm thinking maybe we should go until 30 September. Just because month ends are fabulous. Anyway. So since this is still my blog, I will go on about my shit. I weighed in at 57.5kg this morning. After many days of binging, I know it will take a while to start losing again. Although I have had two good days. I made a big ol' pot of soup which I've had a small bowl of today and yesterday. Then I've had a fruit cup, a coffee with honey, a nectarine and a small pot of low fat custard, which is my treat. And it works out to be about 450 cals a day.

So, I told my ex to go get fucked. I've had enough. My site still wasn't done. Fuck him. Fuck his site. Fuck himself. Fuck him. Over his shit, he is out of my life. He can rot in mediocrity for the rest of his life. Because he is shit. And Roy, if you're reading this. FUCK YOU. GET OFF MY MUTHA FUCKEN BLOG, you nasty foot loving pseudo gay asshat cunt! Not that being gay is a problem, more like a problem when you are trying to convince people you are straight. Did I mention that he had coked up gay sex with his best friend, the one I hooked up with (not my proudest moment). Ya. Fuck you. Yeah, I told him the url. Whether he reads it is a different story. If any of ya'll are web developers... website designers whatever, or know someone reasonably talented and reliable. Please let me know. ;)

Anyway. So, the polish boy... did i mention him? He is literally coming to spend the weekend with me this weekend in the country from london... what a gem. :) I'm really nervous. But even more nervous about the possibility of Michael showing up while Tom is here. I want both to play with, which may be a bit selfish... but like. Whatever. Fuck you Roy. Cunt. Anyway. Sorry, I'm spazzing a bit here. This old fling from my past has magically appeared out of nowhere... the last time I saw him was in my parents house after he stormed out because I was about to hook up with his brother because I found out after we slept together that he had a girlfriend (which turned out to be a misunderstanding) and then I bitch slapped him and ... with his brother. Also not one of my proudest moments, but I don't like to fucked with. Ever. Anyway, so he randomly turned up on my facebook and is... like being really weird. Like really really weird. He's coming here in September or something... flingety fling. Now, I know that it sounds like I'm a dank ho', but like. Firstly, I have been fucked over so many times, so why can't I just have fun. Michael and the former fling, I have already flung with, so why not do it again. It doesn't count if you've already been there. And the polish boy may in fact turn out to be boyfriend material... so. Why not. Anyway, so I need to be so skinny for his arrival tomorrow, which i won't be. but hopefully by the next time he sees me... I'll be down to a nice low 50's.

Peace & Boy Drama
Xo Xo

Moo Bitches, Moo.

I am so fucking gross-gusting its not even funny. No seriously. I had a decent day yesterday, but since I got back to my haunted house on Sunday, I have been working nonstop on this big ass fucken deadline that I had and now I literally just finished it like... ten minutes ago. Anyway, thank god. It's done. Now I can get some proper sleep. Which I haven't been getting. Fuck fuck. ANYWAY. So tomorrow I am rededicating myself to Piggy's Challenge, check it out, it has it's own page. And dudes, spread the fucken word yo, let's get as many as we can. I will add all the challengers... I was going to call you my piglets, but I thought that was rude, cuz people don't like calling me a pig... oink oink, it's kinda what I am right now. Anyway, so i'll add the challengers tomorrow, right now I am too fucken exhausted. And there are like over 30 so far. High five guys! Well no, let's do *happypenguindance*

Right, so other news. I got my amethyst and my tigers eye crystals... And I have meatball, so there haven't been any ghostly happenings since I've been back, besides what sounds like walking downstairs. But I mean, a ghost's gotta walk, so I don't mind that but if it fucking breaks my sunnies again. There is going to be hell. Speaking of meatball, he went outside today for the first time... and to anyone that has ever had a cat, you know that nerve wracking feeling when it goes out by itself for the first time. Will he come back, won't he come back? Anyway, so I even went for a walk down the road shaking his toy so that he would know where I was. But he's a vicious little fuck, he's drawn blood like three times now. Fuck man. Little Meat-a-ball.

An update on boy news, Coco needs to have a word on this topic too. On Saturday I met a boy. A polish boy. And he is cute and blah blah blah, and a nice enough guy, the right age, nice body... followed me around like a puppy dog. Now Piggy is going - awwww I'm so excited that this boy wants to date me and he's so hot and lovely and awesome. Coco on the other hand. Right, so I know that this boy isn't right for me. I know that. But Piggy is saying, why not, I don't want to be alone. I mean at least we will look good together, I guess he is better looking than my ex, so that's fine and all that. But Coco knows that this boy, I will walk all over. And how do you respect a person that lets you walk all over them? You don't. The short answer. So Coco isn't letting Piggy fuck around with this one. No no no. I'd rather be alone. And then there is the issue of my British boy... We'll see how that goes. He is definitely more my type of boy... more fun. But then. Not much of a brain. And British. Coco says no.

But I digress...

Fatigue & Fat
Xo Xo

Challenge Accepted!

Right so guys, this is going to be me gathering stats. Send through your height and weight, and I'll create a page on my blog for it. Weigh-in next monday.

My stats are 58kgs at 1.76m. Bmi of 18.2.

Also, feel free to post the challenge and send me stats, let's get a big blogger challenge going. Maybe we can go for longer than a month. Go go!

Love & Peace
Xo Xo

Meatball!

My new cats name is Meatball and he is the cutest little thing on the planet. He has a bit of a bitchy side, but he's so little and oh so cute. He also has a kitten meow and he follows me around... All the names I thought of just didn't fit... So Meatball it is. :) In other news, I am a fat disgusting pig.

So tomorrow, let's start the challenge. We will weigh in tomorrow with weekly updates. And let's do it for a whole month. I will get a lovely prize to mail the winner... And the prize I think is this beautiful tigers eye ring that I have. :) I'll take a pic and send it through. Then every week we can calculate percentage lost and the one with the highest percent total loss, wins!! :)

I have a hangover from hell. And I met a really sweet polish boy last night that wants to take me on a date... he isn't the most interesting person on the planet, very eastern european, but he's nice enough and rather sexy... Plus if I marry an EU citizen, then I get an EU passport which is a win in my books. And yes, I really would marry someone for a passport.

Fat, fat fat piggy. I need to shed this fat. It's disgusting.

Love & Kittens
Xo Xo

Dudes, I got some SHIT to tell ya'll.

Where to even begin really... Well I guess I should start by saying how disgusting fat i am. but. On the plus side, let's start the challenge on Monday. I'll post on Monday with a start weight. *eeck* And if yall wanna join, then comment and I'll put it on the main part of the blog. I was also thinking... Does anyone ever do... clothing exchanges? Like. I have stuff I don't wear, so I send it to you in exchange for something of yours that you don't wear? I dunno... maybe we could get a little fashion exchange going on here... Anyway.

So in other news, the other night, that Michael guy showed up on my door step out of the blue... It was so weird. And like. Unexpected. And I think i was a little unfair on him. Shame, he is actually really really sweet. And so nice as well. Just so not my type. At all. I will be friends with him for the benefit of the next three weeks. I mean. then it's back to London.

My big news is... I'm getting a cat. On Saturday. And I'm so excited. To recap. My kitten is in South Africa with my ex and I just couldn't take him away from him. He loves that cat. And while i do too, I just want a loveable feline, and this guy seems legit. He was abandoned ten months ago by his owners and then taken in by an old lady who can't take care of him now, so I'm adopting him. Names. His name used to be Tigger, then the old bat calls him Cat. So... My list is: Zulu, Zazu, Zero, Shaka, Gir, Invader Zim, Wizard, Pax, Ike, Iggy, Bo, Bugs or Megatron. HELP!!

And then the last bit of big news is that I apparently have some kind of psychic thingy which makes me a spiritual magnet. According to this dude, who says that is why my poltergeist is bugging me but not the owners of the house. So, i must not engage, cuz it will want to hurt me. And then. I ordered some crystals online to protect myself. I don't believe in this shit... well. I didn't. The psychic thing is really weird for me. Becuase I've always had this thing with my dreams, where i dream stuff and then months or years later it will happen... Anyway. It is all a little fucken nuts yo. Nonetheless whether it is or isn't bullshit, I'm not taking ANY chances. So I've ordered tigers eye. Apparently good for protection.

Gir & Zim
Xo Xo