Let go or be dragged.

Well this weekend, my friend Eddie was back in London so it was a festival of eating and drinking - beer. Yes, that's right. This fat disgusting piggy drank beer. I won't even lie - it was absolutely amazefest. It was honestly the first time in my life that I've ever enjoyed drinking beer, but I fucking did. I just don't know how - for example - Roy used to drink about four beers every day and not get fat. Fucking hell. ANYWAY. So yesterday, I had about 600 cals and then today I've had about the same. Which consisted of a tuna salad for lunch, a hardboiled egg and some soup. Also, milk. The milk in my tea and coffee is fucking killing me. It's all full-fat or 2% which just won't do. But it is the milk that they have at work and even though it sounds like a huge excuse, there is no space in the work fridge for more stuff so I can't even take my own in. I've been trying to have like... half the amount in my tea just to try and mitigate all the fatty lactosey calories in the milk. But fuck. Anyway, so tomorrow I'm going to weigh in. Fuck - I really hope it isn't terrible. 

In life news - I found out the gingers name. It is Pierre. But I've since discovered that the other cute boy with the amazing lips from the awards the other day is actually really hot and a nice guy. We were at an event this morning and he's just so lovely. Pretty sure he has a girlfriend - secondly, thou shalt not fuck around at work - thirdly, I'm fairly certain that I obnoxiously talk way too much - so that is fucked in the ass. I'm an annoying person. It's my curse. I'm trying to be more positive about things in general so that I don't come across as a bitch. I want to be a nice person. So I'm letting go of the judgmental bitchiness and going to be more positive. I want to be thought of as a nice person that people want to be around. Monika said to me last weekend that I have a way of making people feel special. I want to be able to be like that all the time. Be a positive influence on peoples lives, you know? As for the title of the post - it is a zen proverb - and I've got it as my status on BBM so whenever I communicate with people I can be reminded of it. I just think of my ex, Lilypad, Cape Town, my family. I've been dragged for way too long and the bottom line is that unfortunately I can't force anyone to do the things the way I want them to be done or what I want to be done. And if I can't learn to let go, I will be dragged through thorns and mud. I don't want that for myself anymore. Queue POSITIVE-ness!

Love & Optimism

Xo Xo