So Help ME!

I am going to spend two consecutive days under 63.0. SO FUCKING HELP ME!! This morning I weighed in at 62.7kg. I don't even care if I lose tomorrow, I just want to spend two days in a row in the 62's. For those that recall, I've been in the 62's for the past eight months (GOD, that's a long time), but then I manage to fuck it up and binge for three days and have to start all over again. So help me mutha fucka. I'm going to do it. I want to have a reward day. So I'm going to allow myself a reward day once I'm in the 61's... Unless that day happens to be tomorrow, then I'll wait till I'm in the 60's. Basically, I don't want to binge tomorrow, but I also know there is a binge coming. There is ALWAYS a binge coming. Anyway, so this will definitely happen this weekend, will try and hold it off till Sunday and hopefully even Monday, but I want blueberry muffins and cheese. God, I'd kill for those two things. Today I had: two cups of coffee with milk, a skimmed americano with sugarfree hazelnut syryp from starbucks, two cups of tea with milk, a salad with roast chicken and avocado and sadly, there was french dressing on it. So because of the dressing, I'm not having any fruit for dinner. I can talk about this for days. God. I can't believe I'm planning my binges. I had a dream that I was in this massive super market and I ate like five doughnuts in a row. But you know when you eat carbs so fast that it forms a lump in your throat and is really painful to swallow (mia-girl-problems much?) - I did that in my dream, but it was like a feeding frenzy. I know I'm doing well when I dream about food. I feel in control right now and the feeling of hunger just really lets me know I'm actually doing something right. Even though everything else is falling apart. I hate my new boss and I've started applying for other jobs. Wish me luck my beautiful piglets? 

Doughnuts & Blueberry Muffins

Xo Xo