I went to the doctor now for a pill check and she weighed me - hu.mil.i.a.ting. She asked me why I've put on 10kgs in the last three years. I was like - fuck you bitch. I HAD A BIG LUNCH. The truth of it actually is that I binge last night. Great, isn't it. I'm still devoted though.
I had three pieces of chicken for lunch - yes, three. I know, fuck off. I know. About 650 calories - no skin though. I'm just not going to eat anything else today. Simples. It will be okay, I think. I just hate the day post binge. You know how you do it right - you say to yourself - think about how good you'll feel tomorrow if you don't binge. But you always fucking do binge. Every. Fucking. Time. To be fair it wasn't a bad, BAD binge. I had some ribs, some chicken and a few fries. It wasn't like. End of days, bad binge. I find I can't binge like I used to. So now I just get fat, because I can't control myself. This week would've been so good if it weren't for that FUCKING BINGE!
I hate myself.
No love & Hate
Xo Xo
6 comments:
Screw the doctor's scales. I don't understand why they're so obsessed with weighing people. Before my ED, the only time I can remember being weighed was when I dropped a lot of weight post-OD at age 12.
"Simples."
Ooooh, please tell me those 'Compare the Meerkat' ads are international! Love it.
xx
listen to Bella, honey. screw the scales.
"She asked me why I've put on 10kgs in the last three years." because my lover loves it when he has something to grab onto
babe, big lunch + binge last night = you know that you're a good amount under what the bitch scales tell you so...
it happens, my love. all you can do is ignore it for now. it happened. the only thing we can do is go past it. there's nothing wrong with eating (ED will tell you otherwise) but really, it's perfectly fine to eat. really is. i just hope you enjoyed it.
-Sam Lupin
Doctor's have a nack for making me feel terrible about myself in so many ways. They really need to re-evaluate their communication strategies. And post-binge days are the worst. It's super super hard to break the cycle, I know I've never been able to do it for long. Bueno suerte! Jax
Blogger Haley said...
I feel your pain. I DESPISE getting weighed at doctor appointments. If I were to get weighed right now I'm sure he'd ask why I've gained 8 lbs in the last 8 months. :/ *sigh*
Second the notion that doctors have a way of making you feel crap. What's it really to do with her anyway? It's not as though you've gained so much that you're morbidly obese. I'm pretty sure you're still in the desired BMI range with the gain, so why would she be asking questions?
All love, no hate <3
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