I'm just so sick of falling apart all the time. A friend of mine recently started opening up about his problems regarding his emotional... well-being, which as it turns out are exactly the same as the stupid shit that I face. Last night I fell apart. The usual uncontrollable sobbing, cutting, drinking. The usual thing. And then again. Tonight, second night in a row, back to the tears brought on by hearing a coldplay song that I used to listen to on the way to my shrink in Cape Town. Queue the waterworks. Will it never end. The crying, the unhappiness. I just don't actually feel like it is ever going to be okay. I feel like I have nothing to contribute to the world. I feel like I will never be happy. Ever. I mean, sometimes I am okay, but it always comes back to this. I am starting to think that the best solution for me is to die. It just seems like this uphill battle is never going to end and I am just so so tired of fighting it. I am alone in this world. I lived alone and I think it is time to die alone. I'm just so tired.
Love & Tears
Xo Xo
2 comments:
I'm tired too girl. But tiredness doesn't mean giving up. Dying is overrated, just hold out a few months to watch the world end, eh? For now just alcohol and starving and music and insomnia and blogger to keep us from totally losing it.
Love you dear, keep safe and strong, even if it's hanging by a twig.
Oh sweetie, my heart breaks for you and yet I can identify so much.
I am so very tired too, exhausted and drained from this illness.
All I can say to you is hold on, you have so much to contribute to the world, don't ever think that you don't.
You are an amazing soul.
Sending you hope, faith, courage and love x
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