So, what's been happening then. On Saturday night last weekend, it was a friends birthday - the plan was to go to hers and have a drunken, BUT CHILLED night in. What ended up happening was far more sinister. A lot of cocaine. A lot of alcohol. A lot of me running my damn mouth about my "hard life" to a relative stranger. I am obviously appalled and never want to see this individual ever again. There was a bit of eating on Saturday, but for the most part there wasn't any binging. And there still hasn't been.
So on top of being on the worlds biggest come down, I was also haunted a little by some of the stuff that I was talking to this random guy about. It was just not a great situation. The day after you take a boatload of narcotics (as my friendly friends on this blog who have partaken will be able to attest to) is that you have this disgusting broken sleep which is superficial and dreamlike. Coupled with aching sinuses and the feeling that there is a small amphibian living up your nose, it's just a miserable day. The comedown also doesn't go away immediately - it lasts for several days - not the broken sleep mind you, but an insufferable level of irritability and depression that usually sends me into a tailspin.
I was haunted by my loneliness and the depression that I find in having to work in an office and my lack of overall human freedom. That I'm not sitting on a beach somewhere able to do what I love - why can I not just live? Or exist. Why does life have to be about purpose and motivation? As you all know, these things really bother me.
Nonetheless, this time was also accompanied by PMS - which means that despite my alrightish eating, I'm bloated and stiff. I am trying at the moment to go below 1000 a day. I need to cut down to 800. Until March 7th, I'm going to do 1000 and then it's down to 800. I am also going to fast this weekend - so Saturday and Sunday. Anyone wanna join?
So yeah, that's me.
Peace & Love
Xo Xo
2 comments:
cocaine? *twitches*
i hope i never know what this artificial and dream-like sleep is like.
life is about whatever you want it to be. in my head anyway. for me, it is about purpose, recognition and motivation and i want it to be that way. i wouldn't want it any other way to be honest. but what do YOU want?
take care.
-Sam Lupin
Ugh, It's been about 2 years since I've done cocaine but I can promise you that I know exactly what you're talking about. I got through it by telling myself that it was temporary and my body would go back to normal within' a few days x.x Comedowns are terrible and so is remembering everything you did while spun out.
I'm sorry, man. I hope you feel better.
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