I had a two am meltdown of hysterical crying. Basically wondering if I would ever be happy ever again. And whether any person would make me as happy as my ex did. Wow. What a fail evening. The conclusion that I have come to though is that it is okay to be sad. To be hurting and to feel alone. And I think maybe instead of trying to run from those feelings or to numb them with booze or drugs - maybe I should embrace them and accept that it is okay to feel that way. I feel like this is quite a revelation.
So after my post last night I ate another two plums - I think and two cups of tea. So I think my overall calorie intake was around 500. But then I did exercise, so net was less. Today I had a mango (which I found out is a negative calorie food as hard as it is to believe) and half a cuppa and now I'm drinking coffee. So yes, we are doing well today so far. Weigh in this morning was 58.9kg. Hopefully by Saturday I can be in the 57's. Then Monday when I see that stupid bitch with no soul I'll be at least 56. Fuck you I don't need to put on weight, you degenerative give doctors a bad name. Incidentally. Her surname is Hoare. Pronounced Whore. Yes. FUCKING WHORE!
Anyway. Enough of that!
Love & Butterflies
Xo Xo
5 comments:
I think that's a fantastic revelation. I wish I was strong enough to try to accept That sad and lonely feeling I get occasionally. I hope you get to the weight you want for Monday! :)
Oh and You seriously could never be a douche. I actually appreciate the concern and advice I get because no one has to care since they've never actually met me. So don't feel bad! I appreciate it 100%!!
I can feel that being sad makes me happy, in a strange way. I don't want to be cheerful all the time, sadness is pretty.
/Avy
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♥
I know all to well the feelings on numbing life with booze
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