If you ever feel the knife running down your spine

I don't know why, but I seem to be stuck on this song... "If you ever feel the knife running down your spine, please know that it's mine." I feel like I get through it and towards the end, there is something I am supposed to remember or feel. I don't know. And everytime I listen to it, I feel like I am RIGHT there about to remember what it is... dunno. So... I thought I would share it. With you lovely people. :) Happiness. The band btw, is a South African production. Hence the name... har har. Incidentally, ZEBRA is pronounced like zepellin i.e. a short sounding ZE, not zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebra as some do. I kinda do that to, so I guess my point is redundant.

I weigh a million kilograms. I am going to have to start accurately counting again. Even this fruit fast is just not cutting it at the moment. Sigh. I don't really know what to do about it. So I'm thinking of maybe trying the abc. I have never given it a proper shot, so I'm thinking - there is no time like the present. I am contemplating going for a run, but I have work to do, so thinking that I shall do that tomorrow morning and settle tonight for 100 crunches and some squats for my legs. I dunno. Need to get into sit ups though. Fuck fuck.

I am feeling incredibly anxious at the moment, probably something to do with the fact that I haven't had meds in about four days now... actually five. So ja - not loving life. I miss my ex so much, I can't begin to imagine when this will go away. Filling the void with who the fuck ever happens to come along. Which I have now had enough of and am just going to be alone. Maybe I should do something. Compulsively exercise. I am starting to wonder whether I got the job also, since I know they said it would be two weeks from last tuesday, making today a week. So yes, I understand the process and shit, but surely if it were me that they were recommending for the position I would have heard something.

Fat & Piggy
Xo Xo