I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that my relationship is over. O. V. E. R. And strangely, I am still okay with it. I also have realised that I still have a dirty crush on his friend. *sigh* But when I was in London I was the fuck buddy of a guy who broke things off with me so he could date my friend. I don't want to be THAT guy. So no. I am not going to go there. As much as I really want to. SHUT UP - DON'T BE THAT GIRL! He is so hot though. My current is more or less the same height as me and weighs only 1 kg more. SO I always feel like a nasty fat giant, but the friend is taller and bigger. I saw him yesterday and flung myself at him saying hi and he just caught me. I didn't feel like I was going to knock him over. I take it back, I don't really 'like' him, I think I just want a good time guy and he is nice to me. *SIGH* Fuck fuck fuck. What am I doing? GODDAMMIT!
I got my period yesterday and it was brutal stomach ache and pain and horribleness. I am ever so slightly less bloated today but still bloated. I binged like a mad person yesterday. Ate cheese and carbs carbs carbs. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Then I drank, which makes me look more fucking bloated. And I am definitely drinking again tonight so that won't help. I weighed 61.2 this morning which is FUCKING FATASS FUCKING HORRIBLE, but I didn't gain after the binge so that's good. :) :) Today I haven't eaten so far. I picked up some cheese out of the fridge and was about to shove it in my mouth, thinking 'it's not a big piece - it won't matter.' I was fucking disgusted at myself. That was my fat girl mentality. And as we ALL know - when it rains, it pours. So if you feed yourself early in the day, you just keep going. I threw that fucken cheddar back in the fridge and had some tea instead.
Tonight I am going out to this club where you get hit on a lot. I like it sometimes for the confidence boost. Last time I went I met that 22 year old engineer. Remember him? Anyway. My boys friend is hopefully coming with. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING PIGGY!!!! We always have such a fun time when we are drunk. Hopefully I can find him a girl to have fun with. Good thing about that is that it removes the temptation for me, because he will be busy. with someone else. Anyway, so I think I shall fast today and just have me long island ice teas. Hopefully I will be in the 60's tomorrow. I can't believe I am only 3lbs from my goal weight. What a journey this has been. 15lbs in 2 months. Isn't too bad.
WOW and WELCOME to my new followers. Everytime I log on I see more and more of you guys. Please feel free to mail me or comment. I do try to check out everyone's blogs. AND if anyone has heard from Beth please fucking tell me. I am a little worried.
Peace & Serenity
Xo Xo
4 comments:
Oh love, you're only three pounds away!! I'm so glad for you, keep up the good work :) Fuck it all and have a good time tonight, I'm sorry things aren't working out with the Boy, but you are young, be free and have fun with whomever you wish!!
Stay strong & hugs!
Lulani
Three pounds away is beyond amazing :)
And most of the time, I don't want a relationship. I love the attention (when I actually get it) but they do not make me want anything more.
I was supposed to go partying tonight and I was so keen because I wanted to dance and get dressed in my high heels and be stared at. And most importantly drink and flirt ALL night long. LOL this paragraph sounds so bad.
I also got my period - damn mother nature.
yayyy
Whoo your doing great! Maybe I'm just an awful person but I would go for the friend if it was just a good time I was after. I dunno, part of me can be so selfish sometimes; but i do totally understand why you don't want to. Keep focusing on your goals!
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