Yesterday, I binged sooo badly. Like for about 5 hours I felt like I was going to be sick from eating so much. I don't purge though and the boy and his brother were here so I couldn't even if I wanted to. I have iron gag reflexes so I can't purge. It sucks sometimes, but also a good thing perhaps, because I don't like purging :(, no judgment of course to anyone who does, cuz let's face it, we all have our daemons and some people commenting on hating to read about cutting, I hate reading about purging, but I am here for those who do so WHATEVER - we are all flawed.
Needless to say, today is a fasting day. Going to do a 43 hour fast. From midnight last night to 7pm tomorrow. I write my last exam tomorrow morning, but judging how bloated and full I still feel from last night, I should be able to get through till then no problem. But since it is my last exam my mother wants to have a celebratory dinner at a mexican restaurant. So there will be eating. Then I plan to fast all of Tuesday and Wednesday. If anyone is keen to join the fast, email me - or just leave a comment. Which ever. So... yes that's it about that.
Then the casting agency that I am part of - remember the beer commercial - they are having their official launch party in about three weeks and part of that is a fashion show, so today I am going to 'model training' to learn how to walk in a runway show. And then hopefully if that pans out then I can be in the show. There are a lot of industry executives that are going to be there. I need to make sure that I get down to at least 130 by then. Because those people need to see me and want to book me. Fuck that would be so awesome.
I read an article yesterday about this woman who did 3 consecutive 40 day fasts. She started off looking chubby and ended up looking like a crack addict. Like not attractive at all really. Holy shit. But she was so thin. Not eating for 40 days. CAN YOU IMAGINE!? I don't think I could. But these people do it for religious reasons. I don't have conviction in that way. Anyway, so yes. That's it from me. Going to not weigh myself today, only tomorrow morning. I want to give the food I ate yesterday a chance to pass through without worrying about the physical stuff that is rotting in my body. Disgusts me.
OH AND! I can't remember which blog it was that put up a quote which has inspired my next tattoo which I am getting as a christmas present to myself - I am getting script on my foot saying: Hominem te esse memento! Memento mori! Which means: Remember that you are but a man. Remember that you will die. I have been searching for ages for something to put on my foot, now I found it. So if it was on your blog that I found this, thanks so very much. :)
Strength, Love & Courage
Xo Xo
7 comments:
I don't like the idea of people purging but I've been at that desperate point. I'm bad at purging as well, even when I drink a lot of water. Usually when I feel like I've done really badly, it's time for laxatives. And I don't like laxatives either but sometimes you just want to get rid of it.
The model/runway thing sounds cool.
I've seen a bit of the youtube woman who did the 40 days diet and yeah by the end of it she really starts to look ill.
Thanks for the support on my 14lb weight loss!! It really does push me onward knowing that you are here following me and supporting me!! If you are going to be eating tonight then you can totally do the 5dayer this week! cause I haven't eaten yet today and I will be eating around 6pm and then not again after that until saturday woooo lol
oh and that girl that did the 3, 40 day fasts, you can watch he on youtube! Just type in 40 day fast and she will come up for sure!!! I wish i could do a 40days straight fast.. but that would mean not coming home on weekends.. and lying to my bf that I am going home on weekends.. just asking for trouble. But that is why i want to rack up 40days of fasting in 5dayers because i think that I can get the same weightloss result as a 40 day fast, it will just take longer :)
keep wishing me luck!!! and I keep sending it your way!
xx
-G
you do deserve it, love! <3
you adorable thing! you can also email me at angelz_141@hotmail.com. my email all around xP.
purging is such a horrid habit, and it's so hard to break. i'm dying here trying not to. *sigh*
43 hour fast? can't. *sigh* going out to the mall with people tomorrow.
model? :D damn. <3
TATTOO?! SHOW US WHEN YOU DO GET IT! *excited*
Memento mori. <3 one of my favourite things.
yummy picture, love.
-Sam Lupin
I'm still lime green Jell-O about your BMI.
I wish I could fast, but I'm a fasting failure and I'm giving blood this week and I'm quite nervous.. :/
I hate reading about cutting and purging, and everything else that's harmful. It makes me sad. D:
40 days? Holyshitballz. No wonder she looked like a crack addict... I think that would pretty much kill you...
I like that quote. :) I wish I could get tattoos and piercings and all that whenever I wanted -and had the money-, but I'm too young. 3:
< 3
one 40 day fast would floor me for sure, I have no idea how she managed to do 3 consecutive ones. That's like, crazy. Makes me want to try it though.
I can't believe you have another exam. I feel like you've been writing exams forever now.
Oh, and I'm so excited you're going to be in a runway show! Proper model.
Is that a photo of you? Your spine sticks out! That looks FREAKING AWESOME!!!!
40 day fast? oh my god...thats frickin insane yet I am completely jealous. I hope you get to 130!! the runway thing sounds AMAZING! And you Must I mean must keep us updated on the tattoo! I love hearing about people getting tattoos! mostly because I cant get one for another 6 months!
Hope the fast goes well! I would participate but I suck at life aka not eating.
Good luck on the exam! And good luck with the fast. I'm fasting as well, though I don't know for how long. I'm thinkin about joining Thin Thoughts in her 5-day fast, but then again, 5 days without eating sounds like forever to me! 40 days?! How the fuck is that even posible?! Oh my.
Anyway, good luck with all of it! Lol. Stay strong love :) <3
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