Herdy-Derh

So I fasted for two days and then I ate today. Which I'm feeling a bit bummed about, but I'm going to fast again till Friday, so have another two day fast. My stomach is rumbling like a whore though. I am going to see Goldfish tomorrow, which is like... this electro... band. Dj. Thing. You know? Electro shit. I'm not overly fond of the music, but give me some up-beat tunes and I shall dance to it. I haven't weighed in days, mostly because I'm too scared to even though I fasted. But I ate quite a bit of rubbish junk food when I broke fast today, so that's a fail. So, tomorrow and Friday is no food. Saturday, I will try and break fast with some fruit. 

There's something weird happening with Joe and I'm not entirely sure I'm ready to deal with it. I mean to me, we are just friends that hook up. Like, not even fuck buddies -because obviously I don't see him often because he lives up North. He's moving down here next month though and he is looking after Gremlin and ergo staying in my flat while I'm on holiday in Cape Town. Firstly, he offered. And I was just stoked that I sorted out the issue of what to do with Grem while I was gone. However, I'm becoming more aware of certain things that he says to me. Like, he compared me to his girl bff - who I'm not overly fond of. Although actually I don't dislike her - I just don't like her, because she has no depth. You know, the human embodiment of first world problems. Anyway, and his response to me telling him to never compare me to her was - "even though she's my best friend". Like, I'm meant to like her by extension. And that to me... is girlfriend shit. And I don't want to be his girlfriend. I may be reading too much into it. In fact, I very definitely am. But then he also wants to spend time together before I leave -I'm hoping that is just because I am SEX FUCKING GODDESS and not something else... I dunno, as I said I'm very definitely over analysing as we all do. But he is constantly texting me and tonight he wanted to - and again his words, not mine "serenade me" with his mando-fucking-lin. I find it cute and flattering, and again, he is pretty smokin' hot. But. I'm really not into the whole boyfriend vibe, not with him. What the shit have I got myself into? PIGGY! Then again, a casual relationship... I'm really worried and call this paranoia, but I'm really worried that when he's here looking after Grem, he just won't want to leave if he thinks we're together. And fucking, yes. Living together, NEIN! WHAT THE SHIT!?

Thanks for all the feedback on my last post. You know, I definitely do still want to do L.A. for shiz, because I dream of California. And if I can make real progress towards getting there in the next year that I've given myself to work on my England life before I pack it up and go back to Cape Town, then I will stay. It's not definite and maybe I am in a moment of crisis, but man. I don't know how I am going to do this. I'm definitely, DEFINITELY going to get a job when I get back from Cape Town, because I think the fact that I'm so isolated is definitely adding to my issues at the moment. Anyone wanna marry me for a passport? Apparently I'm funny. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo