Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Hello, Have You Planked Today?

As I mentioned, I'm doing a plank challenge. I want to start working out more, like tone all this flab up and before I'm going to do that I want to do some simple at home challenges to prove to myself that I have some form of willpower before I do that. I want to actually start "lifting" - like I don't want to form any kind of bulk, but I wouldn't mind a bit of firmness - especially as next year, I am 30. Apparently, shit starts to drop at this time. Anyway, so I'm gonna do 28 days of planking - which I did  last week, but then with travelling, I skipped two days. So this morning, I started over. 

When I've completed this, I wanna do a plank and squat challenge. My logic is that I only have to give up like 3 minutes of my life a day to do this, so excuses of not having time are just not going to work. BUT before that, it's time to plank. 

I started this morning with a 60 second plank. Have you planked today? 

Weight this morning was 62.4kg. I had probably about 1300 calories yesterday. I'm not starving myself, gentle restriction - mostly cuz I want this to stick. But I do want to get down to 59 - 60kg. Whatever? Don't care. Has anyone seen the night manager? The series with Tom Hiddleston and Hugh Laurie? Well, there is a character in that series called Jed (Elizabeth Debicki) - she is perfection and I want to be her. She is super tall and thin - not sticklike mind you. Anyway, I want to look long and lanky like her and I just don't at this weight. I'm still within my healthy BMI at 58, so I think I'll be fine in this range. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

NYC, Not For Me

Unlike most of the entire world's tourist population, I decided that I do not like New York City. I got back on Sunday morning and it couldn't have been soon enough. I don't think I could have lasted another second longer in that city. 

There are some actual problems that I have with the city - one for example was the overwhelming heat while we were there. It was 30C plus and sweltering. The heat was stifling and it was inescapable - the buildings and never ending Tarmac of the city streets meant that the heat was trapped inside the city streets, rotting the garbage and melting the local population. The only place more unbearable because of this heat was the subway. The trains mind you - by comparison to the London Underground - are spacious and cool (air conditioned), but the tunnels of the subway, the platforms and waiting areas are hotter than Satan's own boudoir. I was a puddle of sweat by the time that I actually got on the trains. I can't say there is anything cute or chic about whisking one's way around the city in that heat. I entirely acknowledge that maybe my perception of the city was entirely skewed by this one factor. 

One positive though was that walking around the city was like walking around some of my favourite movie and television series. Godzilla, eat your heart out. 

The other thing is the never ending monotony of the buildings and grid-formation streets. Now, I'm sure any New Yorker reading this will say that there is nothing boring or monotonous about New York, that I didn't understand it - that I just can't handle a big city - maybe that is true. I found the buildings to be absolutely stifling with the heat. Being that there is no sunshine to ever hit the streets, because of the never ending high rise buildings. In addition, it feels like you are constantly being looked over, with enormous skyscrapers on either side of you. Block after block, never ending. Another street crossing, another garbage filled corner, another homeless person asking for a buck, another big brother over your shoulder. 

Now, my next problem speaks to my former, but it is probably the single biggest problem that I have with NYC and we can if you will, label it as philosophical. New York is a lie. New York is fake. Not the people mind you, they are probably more real than any other I've ever met. The lie is what New York is and more specifically what it represents. The city, being the culmination of American society, the pinnacle of hard work and self determination, of grit and glory, a city where if you work hard you can achieve the ever elusive American Dream, because as they say - if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. This couldn't be more of a lie. Everything about the city is made to oppress. Everything on Manhattan is extortionately priced, from the food, drink, accommodation, transport. The privileged white kids in their suits flock around Wall Street, the kids who would have a kushy middle class life no matter where they are. The minority populations work behind the store counters serving pizza slices in hot pizzerias. Oppressed by minimum wage working conditions - when is America allowed to be held accountable for not supporting those who work hard and who want to better their lives? When does it become a societal responsibility to actually help support your working class and give them a hand in reaching this elusive dream? 

Does any of this make sense? 

I think if one summed this up in any kind of way... The American Dream is a set of ideals and morals perpetuated onto this society saying that with hard work you can achieve your goals. But America gives absolutely no support to its own to reach these goals. Much the same as religious ideology is used to appease the populations they serve by providing a moral bottom line to their own suffering, the American Dream provides a societal appeasement saying that if you can't reach your own aspirations and dreams, then it is due to your own mismanagement and lack of hard work and dedication. Let me also add here... Americans work at least twice as hard as Europeans. We are lazy fuckers by comparison. New York to me is a nutshell example of why the American Dream is bullshit and why America is failing it's own people. 

In a very protracted and meandering way, this is why I don't like New York. 

What I did like about it was the food though - I'm surprised I only put on 1lb while I was there, because it was a non stop eating fest while I was there, but I guess I did walk a shiton. I have decided I want to get down to 58kg again. Whatever, I don't care. I want it. 

I have also decided it is time for me to do my masters. More on this to follow. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Fat In New York & Plank Challenge

Hello from Times Square, New York. I'm here this week for work and am staying less than a block from Times Square. I ate a ton on Monday and marginally less yesterday, but still too much. I did tell till dinner and then went ape on some pizza and a bunch of wine to boot. 

I feel bloated and gross. Probably as much the alcohol as the booze. 

Today, I had a regular conference lunch which wasn't too bad - I mean, there was a cookie and some pasta. For dinner, I had a bunch of plain chicken, fish and a kale smoothie. I should be less bloated tomorrow, but it's doubtful. 

My legs are dead from running around all day, but I bossed my shit and proved to my boss and CMO why they hired me. #BossBitch 

I am also doing a 28 day plank challenge, who's keen? I'm on day 3 now, join me!

Sorry this is brief, I feel so gross and fat. Double chins and greasy. American food is overwhelming. 

Oh also, sidenote - I dumped the Italian when drunk last week. He didn't get it, but it's been officially called as a fling with no potential. I'm talking to Tyler again also... Tyler being the American from Paris that I was meant to marry. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 

Saturday, September 3, 2016

*Warning* This Is Gross

Kinda not that gross, because it isn't explicit, but it is gross, because it has to do with laxatives. For the past week, I've been eating a bit... badly. Basically, what happens when you get down to a good weight and things start to slide a little is what happened. I was hungover on Thursday, so I ate badly and then again last night. I was feeling so disgusting and bloated that I decided to start afresh and take a couple laxatives. 

SO, I took these at about 8 this morning, they usually take about 4 hours to work and I knew that I needed to meet my sister at 2pm, but I figured it would be fine. They worked the way that they needed to minus the insane cramps, cold sweats, dizziness and shaking that normally accompanies them, but I thought that it was just my body having done this before, so it would be fine. 

I left home just after 1 to meet her on time and took the tube, where I needed to change at Green Park - I got off the tube at Green Park and my stomach started to cramp - the kind of cramp that you know that those laxies are now kicking in and you've got a minute to find a bathroom - I panicked. Not only was I in a tube station, which DO NOT have bathrooms, there is nothing around Green Park - no pubs, or cafes, it's just a park which doesn't have any bathrooms. I started having a panic attack - there was no way I was ever going to shit myself. This is not something that happens to me. 

Luckily, I ran up to a member of staff who quickly whisked me off to a loo and the crisis was averted. After twenty minutes of feeling like I was going to die camped out in this really gross bathroom, I was able to make my way. 

I WAS TERRIFIED. I never want that to happen again - I mean faced with the humiliation of that nearly happening, my-oh-my I was petrified and even now, I feel a bit traumatised by it. 

I'm not in bed, my stomach still doesn't feel right and I feel like I might never leave. 

New York on Monday though. Time to man up. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Status: Porpoise

So my scale is DEFINITELY broken, I weighed at 62.2kg, but honestly I look like a cow. Like I look pregnant, not even joking. Like one of those malnourished African kids with skinny limbs and a big belly. I don't FEEL bloated though even though Mother Nature has kindly delivered my period (thanks, bitch). I don't get it. But nevertheless, there is literally no chance on this earth that I could weigh that, defo a busted scale - and Belle re: your comment, I think I just treat my scales badly. I kick them and move them a lot, drop things on them. I think that's probably why. (Scale abuse?) 

I didn't really eat skinny yesterday either - I had my lunch pasta and more of that for dinner and a beer. With the Italian. We had another mini fight, but fuck it. I'm not gonna lie dudes, I really do like him. He has this look when he's thinking about something, like he's a million miles away and his eyes are just so still. 

I'm still a bit jumpy around him, like waiting for him to see my flaws and run a mile. Whether that's my body or myself the way I am. I'm trying to relax. He was being irritating yesterday and I walked out of his flat - yes I know, real mature Piggy. Anyway, I walked out and got straight on a bus. He literally followed me across Clapham and begged me not to go. I felt like such an ass and he made me promise not to walk away from him again. I feel like such an ass. I couldn't believe he followed me, I was really glad that he did. *why am I so stubborn* 

Something else dreadful happened yesterday, but I won't go into detail... Nothing I write here could ever do justice to this amazing person. All I will say, RIP beautiful moonchild, Mikki. My heart is broken. 

Love & Sadness
Xo Xo