Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Status: Porpoise

So my scale is DEFINITELY broken, I weighed at 62.2kg, but honestly I look like a cow. Like I look pregnant, not even joking. Like one of those malnourished African kids with skinny limbs and a big belly. I don't FEEL bloated though even though Mother Nature has kindly delivered my period (thanks, bitch). I don't get it. But nevertheless, there is literally no chance on this earth that I could weigh that, defo a busted scale - and Belle re: your comment, I think I just treat my scales badly. I kick them and move them a lot, drop things on them. I think that's probably why. (Scale abuse?) 

I didn't really eat skinny yesterday either - I had my lunch pasta and more of that for dinner and a beer. With the Italian. We had another mini fight, but fuck it. I'm not gonna lie dudes, I really do like him. He has this look when he's thinking about something, like he's a million miles away and his eyes are just so still. 

I'm still a bit jumpy around him, like waiting for him to see my flaws and run a mile. Whether that's my body or myself the way I am. I'm trying to relax. He was being irritating yesterday and I walked out of his flat - yes I know, real mature Piggy. Anyway, I walked out and got straight on a bus. He literally followed me across Clapham and begged me not to go. I felt like such an ass and he made me promise not to walk away from him again. I feel like such an ass. I couldn't believe he followed me, I was really glad that he did. *why am I so stubborn* 

Something else dreadful happened yesterday, but I won't go into detail... Nothing I write here could ever do justice to this amazing person. All I will say, RIP beautiful moonchild, Mikki. My heart is broken. 

Love & Sadness
Xo Xo 

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Dramatic Monday's. Period.

So my scale is DEFINITELY broken, I weighed at 62.2kg, but honestly I look like a cow. Like I look pregnant, not even joking. Like one of those malnourished African kids with skinny limbs and a big belly. I don't FEEL bloated though even though Mother Nature has kindly delivered my period (thanks, bitch). I don't get it. But nevertheless, there is literally no chance on this earth that I could weigh that, defo a busted scale - and Belle re: your comment, I think I just treat my scales badly. I kick them and move them a lot, drop things on them. I think that's probably why. (Scale abuse?) 

I didn't really eat skinny yesterday either - I had my lunch pasta and more of that for dinner and a beer. With the Italian. We had another mini fight, but fuck it. I'm not gonna lie dudes, I really do like him. He has this look when he's thinking about something, like he's a million miles away and his eyes are just so still. 

I'm still a bit jumpy around him, like waiting for him to see my flaws and run a mile. Whether that's my body or myself the way I am. I'm trying to relax. He was being irritating yesterday and I walked out of his flat - yes I know, real mature Piggy. Anyway, I walked out and got straight on a bus. He literally followed me across Clapham and begged me not to go. I felt like such an ass and he made me promise not to walk away from him again. I feel like such an ass. I couldn't believe he followed me, I was really glad that he did. *why am I so stubborn* 

Something else dreadful happened yesterday, but I won't go into detail... Nothing I write here could ever do justice to this amazing person. All I will say, RIP beautiful moonchild, Mikki. My heart is broken. 

Love & Sadness
Xo Xo 

Monday, August 22, 2016

Another Scale Bites The Dust (ANOTHER!!)

I got home from Egypt yesterday morning after two very miserable days of a terrible migraine which left me in bed feeling sorry for myself and alone with no wifi, no tv and no distraction. This migraine was next level and I wasn't able to sit up without an intense throbbing  which on a regular pain scale was an easy 10. Anyway, so I got in yesterday morning with no sleep, I tried to soldier on, wanting a good nights rest rather than a few broken naps. I still have a bit of the migraine left, but it's almost manageable now. 

By 8pm, I put on the McGregor vs Diaz fight (UFC 202) (legendary fight) - and caved in to the cravings, and had a serious pasta, Doritos, milkshake binge. 

This morning, I knew I had to face the music i.e. The scale and see how far I've slipped, expecting a solid 65kg+. Yet, even after the binge, the scale read 62.8kg. I kinda blinked at it for a minute and picked up my cat, Gremlin to check if the scale was broken. I weighed him, a solid 4.5kg - perfect weight for my little furball, put him down and tried again, 62.9kg. Which is the precise weight that I was before Egypt. 

I'm convinced it is now broken (the 0.1kg fluctuation as my evidence) - I am going to see what it is tomorrow and if it's not more realistic, I'll have to get a second one. Can't be having a scale that lies.

I'm actually not too tired, but my back is still sore from the safari on Thursday last week.

I was meant to see the Italian last night, but I was just destroyed, so he had a major strop with me about this. And now at least I know his fighting style - emotional blackmail. "If you really liked me then..." and "I thought you were different, but obviously you're not..." So essentially, I put him straight and told him that if that's how he's going to try and be with me then he won't ever hear from me again, I don't play those games. He backed down very quickly. Little fucker. It was amusing. 

Anyway, happy Monday y'all. 

Instagram name has now changed to keranberan (some holiday pics are up there)! 

Last week of August, can you believe it? 

Peace & Love from my favourite of favourites, smokey London 
Xo Xo 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Impossible Skinny Eating In Egypt

Bear with me, as I wrote this yesterday and then the Internet died a spectacular death. 

I have come to the realisation that there is no such thing as eating skinny in Egypt for three reasons: 
1. (This is a fairly obvious one) Being in the middle of the desert means practically no fruit and vegetables - the only ones that seem in regular supply are cucumber, tomato, lettuce, some kind of marrow/squash and melon. 
2. The staple diet because of the above is bread, rice, pasta (macarona? I know, this surprised me too), sugar and more bread.
3. When you are the centre of attention you get offered a lot of food and you can't turn it down, so you graciously accept and eat it. I get offered a LOT of food. 

Today, I went on a day long boat trip which involved snorkelling and a stop of this island. I went to say hi to my Egyptian family and as fate would have it, they were all coming on the same boat trip. So we boated all day - it was nice, but exhausting. There was no such thing as me doing my own thing and endless (and I mean endless) pictures being taken. The photographer on the boat was getting awful handsy at one point. Little brother, Ahmed got really upset and told him off, and then told his mother who told the photographer "no touch". It was honestly the sweetest thing. I have resolved to go visit them in Cairo as soon as I can and to take my big sister with me. I think she will hate the culture, because she is a no BS kind of person and doesn't take well to people hassling her. But I told her already that she needs to shut up and bear it, because it will only cause trouble if she doesn't. I LOVE EGYPT! More than Egypt, I love Egyptians. 

This island we stopped at was like being in the middle of a barren desert - there was literally jackshit on this whole island. I mean - jackshit. There is an army house and a couple of "umbrellas" made of palm fronds, but that's it. It was about 1pm when we got there and I went straight to the little umbrella place, because this lily white skin is not made for that kind of sun. The family thought I was sad and it was all I could do to try to explain to them that I would get sunburnt, they didn't understand at all. So we settled on it being too hot for me. They laughed. 

The boat was all Egyptian, I was the only Westerner. None of them used any sunblock - at all. Some of the younger ones got a bit sunburnt and were generally not happy by the end of the day. It's so unheard of. I mean, we don't even leave the house in grey old London without at least and SPF15. 

The lunch was actually pretty kickass, they made rice, pasta, kofta, fried fish, salad (with the creamiest yummiest cheese in it), potatoes and some other bits that I didn't have. I only had the salad, fish, kofta and potatoes. And there were also litres of fat Pepsi going - my heart. I love the culture of food here, everyone just tucks in, no ceremony, just family and sharing. You eat from each other's plates, take a bite and pass on, swop things on each other's plates. Honestly, this is what food should be... Without the carbs. 😂

Right at the end of the trip, they were playing super jazzy Egyptian music, which I am IN LOVE with and everyone was dancing. More accurately they were trying to make me dance and as we know, white people can't dance, except if we are drunk and think we are the reincarnation of Freddie Mercury. They thought I was hilarious, personally I am convinced I looked like a drunk noodle. Again, they filmed me acting like a drunk noodle. 

Tomorrow, I would love to have a day of tanning by the pool as I'm pretty beat from the trip today and on Thursday, I have a desert safari. I really want to go to the beach, but am pretty petrified of being swamped again by this photo story. Honestly, I must be the most photographed tourist in Hurghada at the moment. It's intense. Even today on the boat and on the beach, random people asking for pictures and I don't really know how I am supposed to say no... That aside, I'm gonna put some pics on my Instagram of my adopted family and general stuff. Defo follow me if you haven't. keranboyd is the username! :) 

I really REALLY hope that I don't put on too much while I'm here. It definitely will be 2kgs at least. And then the battle to get below 62 will continue. I am going to skip dinner I think and just sip some Diet Pepsi and download my day into my journal before I forget. Well, my other journal. This is one of them. 

Love & Sunshine from Hurghada 
Xo Xo 

Monday, August 15, 2016

From Hurghada With Love

I arrived safely, thank you for the thought! <3 

It's going to be so difficult to sum up what's been happening in the last two days here, but let me start with the man situation - unlike the Emirates, most of these men are pretty respectful, as in when you tell them no, they take this as a no and leave you alone. I haven't and will not touch any alcohol here, because I think perhaps that once things get loose with liquor, that might change. 

It is however completely impossible for me to walk anywhere with any kind of pace because every single person on the street will try to stop me. How are you? Where are you from? Excuse me, excuse me? Are you Russian? Can I look at your tattoos? For the most part, it is very friendly and I think they just want to have a chat... Or more likely to get me into their store to buy something. It is very sweet, but kinda annoying. I can understand though that they might not see something like me everyday. And it's friendly. So I'm pleased about that. 

Yesterday, I went to the beach and got mobbed by people wanting to take a picture with me. Pulling on my arms in every direction, completely oblivious of other people pulling me. It was about thirty people trying to get a picture. I asked my scuba buddy, Sadam Hussein why and he said that its unusual for them to see blonde hair and tattoos, so for them it's nice to have a photo. I mean, I'm happy to oblige, I just find it strange. And particularly as I really do enjoy the English way of being left alone, it's strange to me. 

I met a lovely, very large Egyptian family and hung out with them yesterday. There must have been about twenty family members across three generations and I had dinner with them. To say that I find how they are a bit strange would be an understatement, but only because it's not familiar. They insisted that I sit down all the time and that I drink and eat everything they gave me. So I did, it was very kind. 

My observation is that Egyptians love a good sugary treat. I discovered hibiscus tea which is OUT OF THIS WORLD, but with a ton of sugar in it. I ordered it and assumed they'd ask if I wanted sugar, they didn't. I don't really think I've had too much in the way of calories each day, but all the fucking sugar it's hard to tell. 

My Cairo family kept shoving cakes into my face and if I tried to say no, they'd say "please" and so of course, I had it. 

I'm not the biggest fan of the food here, except the flatbreads and yoghurt stuff - like omg. But the hot food is quite bitter, particularly this brown dish which is served with everything, it's beans and some other indecipherable stuff. Tons of potatoes. Apparently it is really difficult to get hold of fruit and vegetables here because surprise, desert. So they eat a lot of starch basically, which would also explain why most of the Egyptians I've seen are a little chub. Not huge, but a bit larger than normal. 

The biggest surprise has been the Islam factor - it isn't regimented or strict, but everyone just kinda does their vibe. When you read those articles about Islam being oppressive, I feel like that couldn't be further from the truth regarding Egyptian women specifically. The children don't wear headscarves, but the older women do. Some choose to wear the full hijab, but that's an exception to the rule. The women swim in modest bathing suits, but aren't completely submissive to their men. Their wives are respected and it's beautiful in the dynamic. The wives seem to have the role of family matriarch, looking after the kids, but the fathers do help out. The fathers of my Cairo family kept very proudly telling me about their children, how old they are, how smart they are. I think I had a very wrong idea of what it would be like. And certainly very different from my impression of Emirates - which I would describe in hindsight as more of a baller culture. 

Most of all, they don't care about me or the way I look and dress. It is very welcoming and very accepting. It's kinda like... You do you and I'll do me. 

So in a nutshell that's my impression thus far of Egypt. To any Egyptians reading, you guys are super awesome and sorry for sounding like an ignorant westerner. 

I wish I had a scale and some fruit, but otherwise I'm happy as a clam here. I also wish I didn't have a persistent headache, I suspect it is the heat. 

Peace & Love from Egypt 
Xo Xo 

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Smashing Goals & Being Fearless

I finally fucking cracked 62! This morning - despite having still had about 1400 calories yesterday - I weighed in at 62.9kg. So I made it but just barely. 

Coming to you from Heathrow Terminal 2, I am about to pop a Valium as I board this flight to Istanbul. My dearest blogger-world friends, please say a little prayer for me to your respective gods - I am terrified of this flight, of the stop over in Istanbul and of this trip generally. I will cut a bitch if they try to harass me, but I'm pretty confident that I can make some friends and stay safe. 

You might ask yourself, why is Piggy flying to a remote part of an Arab country by herself? The answer is because I'm a fucking idiot. For those westerners reading this - I do not have a problem with Arab countries, but my point in mentioning this is that my experience has been getting mercilessly harassed and what I would call sexually assaulted - felt up in the most crude way possible with zero fucks given on the part of these men. In this situation, as a woman by yourself in a strange country that doesn't speak English, all you can do is hope that you'll get out of the situation as soon as possible and you have to just move on. I am a tall, very pale blonde female by myself. An easy target. BUT this time, I've dressed like a bit of a hobo and have a headscarf to cover my hair. So I'm hoping that this will help not draw attention to myself, I've booked a cab on the other side and am going straight to the hotel... Which as it turns out is a resort with loads of diving - SO if it is properly dodgy (not dangerous dodgy, cuz I'm African. I got this) as far as harassy men then I won't have to leave. I arrive at 3.15am local time. *facepalm* 

You might now ask why I'd go knowing that I might run into trouble - BECAUSE FUCK THE PATRIARCHY! I won't let other people ruin my adventures. I refuse to be scared and so I will do the best I can and try to be fearless. *idiot* 

Anyway, so I've probably already had my days allowance of calories consisting of almond butter, coffee, fruit, smoothies and yoghurt. So it's all clean whole food, but still. The plan is to not drink on the flight since I need to have my wits about me and to eat only the part of the food that doesn't have carbs in it. I've worked hard to be ready for a bikini on the trip, so I need to not fuck it up now. 

I can do this. 

Say a prayer for me beautiful friends, I'm now boarding my flight. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 

Friday, August 12, 2016

The Patriarchy Strikes Back

I have not been as good this week as I could have been. I'm still hovering in the 63's. This morning was 63.2 - SO FUCKING CLOSE! I know why though, I've been having about 1200/1300 calories a day, which obviously means "sustainable loss" - slower (albeit allegedly healthier loss). 

I am however taking a silver lining from this: I am learning to maintain. I've been on this weight now for about a month, so even if I'm only losing very slowly, I'm not binging AND I'm not gaining. 

I'm so fucking stoked that I go on holiday tomorrow, I need a break. I'm going to use the time to work on myself and try to shift this last bit of weight. I am not coming home fat. My plan is to eat breakfast (cuz it's included in my hotel) and then skip lunch and have a small dinner (cuz I do want to try some local cuisine). 

If you hear of a plane that went down on its way to Egypt around 3am on Sunday morning, say a little non-secular prayer for me. I have Valium because I am absolutely petrified of flying - not least of which the route I'm going. *it'll be fine Piggy, it'll be fine* 

I hope I can catch a tan while I'm there and hopefully meet some nice new people. This week has been fairly uneventful, the Italian has been just lovely. Super affectionate (via text only, because I told him I was busy this week which is only half true) and not overbearing. I think I agree with you guys, not all of these things are forever, so I'm just gonna have fun, because he's a nice boy. And he's so fucking hot. 

Also, WHY DID I EVER STOP LISTENING TO THE KILLERS!? Sam's Town is honestly one of the best albums ever made. 

I've decided to cut off one of my friends. She is vapid and idiotic, and is incapable of talking about anything other than her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend... Or makeup, or something of equal shallowness. I have always prided myself on being a strong woman, who doesn't flap around men and who doesn't need to have men in my life. I try to always learn new things and have new experiences. Men are, of course, one piece of the puzzle - but agonising over him sending you a text and "what does it meaaaaaan", get a life. I tried to discuss what to call a character in my new book and she could talk about that for about five minutes before it devolved into more useless chat about her boyfriend. She can be oppressed by the patriarchy, I refuse to be. And her oppression is oppressing me. Fuck. The. Patriarchy. You know what I mean? She has no interests beyond drinking and her boyfriend. She never travels or tries new things. She can't do anything beyond go to the pub and flap about other people. ITS PATHETIC. I can't anymore. Fuck the patriarchy. To her credit, she is totally ride or die. She's the kind of person that would help you hide a dead body with no further questioning than "where's the shovel?" Despite this however, I can't spend so much of my life being wrapped up by her crap. I think she's only that available to other people because that's all she has to contribute. 

Fuck the patriarchy. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Piggy's Fools Errand

Plans, plans, plans...

That's all I can think about at the moment is life plans. I have an idea for an online business that I want to try and start doing. I won't go into specifics about what it is, but it will hopefully allow me to do two things that I really want to do: 
1. Save cats (well animals, generally. But starting with cats!)
2. #VanLife around Europe or wherever for a few summers. It won't be next year, but maybe the year after, etc. 

Which brings me to my second plan - I've said that once I get my British citizenship, I'm going to live in Singapore for two years - I looked into it and legitimately, I could do that. Even if my business idea falls completely flat, I'd be able to do my current job elsewhere, such as Singapore at a high enough level that I could get a work visa. Which is brilliant. 

Which brings me to my third plan - holidays for the rest of the year. I'm planning a holiday doing camel trekking in Morocco for a week in October and a week in Italy doing Rome, Venice and Naples. *all the pizza* 

And lastly, my fourth point is that I got an email yesterday from a tattoo studio that I've been trying to get an appointment with for years and the artist wants to book in my tattoo - which is going to be my whole leg (think a leg sleeve) starting with marine vibes on the bottom (turtles, coral, nemo's and dory's) moving into skulls and crows at the top. Her name is Lianne Moule - you should check her out, she's fucking nuts. In a good awesome way. So I need to book an appointment with her today and then will go for a consult. 

All of this does mean I will be very poor for the next few months (YEARS!), but YOLO. 

In pursuit of my business idea, I'm going to go on a Wordpress/website building course next month after holiday and work travels. 

This morning, I weighed in at 63.9kg (yaaaaaassssss, Piggy! Yaaaassssss!) - which means there is a possibility that by the time I fly out on Saturday, I'll finally be in the 62's! *yaaaaaaasssssss* 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Goddamn Hunter's Chicken

That I will on time for work today is a fucking miracle. Like - a miracle. Last night, my little sister came round to mine for dinner and we talked - just the two of us and honestly, we have never ever done that. It was nice... Or at least I thought it was. It's weird that after all of these years, I'm starting to feel like I have a family again. Well... Not my dad anyway, but whatever. We talked about growing up and some of the stuff that she's interested in - which funny enough is the same kind of stuff I am interested in. We are very similar I think.  

Anyway, yesterday was not a good eating day as I forgot that I had a team lunch - it wasn't a blow-it-out-of-the-water lunch, but it wasn't what it needed to be. I had a hunters chicken - which is a chicken breast topped with BBQ sauce, bacon and cheese, and chips. Luckily, because it was a posh pub that we went to, the portions aren't big. And then for dinner with my sister, I made pesto pasta - brown pasta, pesto, veggies and rocket. Which because I made so much of, I will be eating for the rest of the week. I'm alright with it because I can have a cup full with each meal and it'll only be about 350 cals - SO I just need to be strict that I don't eat too much else other than those two meals. I can do that. 

This morning I weighed and shockingly it was only 64.3kg - if I am good till Saturday and eat nothing other than what I'm supposed to, I'm hoping to get to low 63's. I might need to just up my walking a bit. I can do that too. 

(Just a sidenote as I write this, I am standing at the tube and inexplicably this guy next to me keeps bending over and rubbing his ass against my leg - WHAT THE SHIT, yo!?) 

4 sleeps till Egypt! 😍 (read: 4 sleeps to lose 1.3kg!) 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 

Monday, August 8, 2016

Sometimes, You're Hermoine Granger

Well you know when a person doesn't post, it means shits going wrong... Or going down. My shit has been going a little wrong - as in bad eating, but have more or less managed to rein it in... Kinda. Yesterday morning I was 63.5kg which was obviously wonderful, but then yesterday I must've had about 3000 cals worth of Mexican food, beer and snacks. It's kinda okay because I spent like all day walking around. So I didn't weigh this morning, but will do tomorrow. 

I'm off to Egypt on Saturday, so I need to sort my shit out. 

Yesterday, I was with the Italian - who is lovely. I mean, he's not smart. He's not stupid either to be fair, but I definitely feel like Hermoine Granger around him. He's just so damn hot. I had originally planned to ghost him, because I was just not feeling it. And in the beginning, it was definitely awkward. I like the way he holds me around my waist and moves me around. He also calls me skinny... And let's be honest ED girls, if someone calls you skinny... Anyway, he might be a lovely season guy - the kind you keep around to snuggle with in winter. 

On Saturday, I went swimming at my pond and my god, I just love it so much. The swimming obviously, but I am now building a weird fascination with the other women that go there. Not in a creepy way, but my body actually looks pretty damn good by comparison. I've definitely got less jiggle than most of them and even though I hate my fat stomach, most of them have a fat stomach. Even my boobs are pretty awesome. It's almost a confidence boost going there - not to say there is anything wrong with those ladies at all, because there isn't and they are all weirdly beautiful in their own uniqueness, but the things that I am so afraid of as far as how I see my own body... Like seeing how "normal" these normal women are makes me just think that I'm actually doing alright and that I don't need to worry about it quite as much as I do. 

Obviously I'm not going to stop trying to be thinner, but maybe I don't need to be AS thin as I thought I needed to be. Also, it made me realise my little sister and I have like exactly the same body shape. Weirdly. Except she's got better legs. 

Anyone been watching the Olympics? Cuz I'm fucking obsessed. It's honestly the best and greatest. I am obsessed with the gymnastics, as I have always been. 

Reference to an earlier point, another reason I didn't blog last week was because I spent my tube time - I.e. When I normally write these things - reading Harry Potter. If you have not read the Cursed Child and you're a Potter fan (SAMMY, I AM TALKING TO YOU!) - read it. I mean, it's super short and I tried to drag it out for as long as possible, but it's SO good. 

Peace & Love from London 
Xo Xo