Sunday, August 23, 2015


So David and I broke up on Friday and unlike the last time, this time is for good. We are just chronically mismatched and I don't think we ever will be able to live together happily. We are just too different - which brings me to my next point. I am swearing off men. Forever, I've had enough of emotional attachment. I want to focus on being a better friend to the awesome people who have stuck by me. 

The next significant thing that has happened is that on Friday I quit my job. I have a freelance contract starting on 1 September and from there, I will figure things out. Who knows?

Which brings me to my next point - I have a crowdfunding page on kickstarter to pay for the self-publishing fees on my book, the Family. If you have a couple of dollars to spare, you'll get a copy of the book with some of the options, so yeah. LOOK AT IT! Or even if you just want to read the synopsis of the story and give me feedback, have a look:

My last request in this relation - for those of you that have loads of readers on the blogs or have active social media accounts and stuff - please won't you share it for me? I really want to get this capital together so I can fund the shit out of this book. 

Shameless self-promotion, but hey. 

In the book, I kill my ex? Worth reading, don't you think!! 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

It's All So Abysmal

I went to the doctor now for a pill check and she weighed me - She asked me why I've put on 10kgs in the last three years. I was like - fuck you bitch. I HAD A BIG LUNCH. The truth of it actually is that I binge last night. Great, isn't it. I'm still devoted though.

I had three pieces of chicken for lunch - yes, three. I know, fuck off. I know. About 650 calories - no skin though. I'm just not going to eat anything else today. Simples. It will be okay, I think. I just hate the day post binge. You know how you do it right - you say to yourself - think about how good you'll feel tomorrow if you don't binge. But you always fucking do binge. Every. Fucking. Time. To be fair it wasn't a bad, BAD binge. I had some ribs, some chicken and a few fries. It wasn't like. End of days, bad binge. I find I can't binge like I used to. So now I just get fat, because I can't control myself. This week would've been so good if it weren't for that FUCKING BINGE!

I hate myself. 

No love & Hate
Xo Xo 

Monday, August 10, 2015

When Things Turn Dark...

So I'm 33,000 words into 'The Family' - my book. That's what I'm calling it. :) Heyo, and Sammy, I will be taking you up on your offer to have a read. FYI. Things in the book are getting dark though, I write it on the tube everyday and today is the first day that I'm writing at home really, because I have to write a rape scene. I don't really want anyone reading over my shoulder while I'm doing that thinking 'mother of fucking christ on a cupcake, what the fuck is this chicks problem?' So I'm writing it at home. It's a horrible thing to write about, but it is the context of my book... soooooo... What makes it worse is that I'm writing it from the perspective of the rapist who thinks he is justified in doing it. Dark times, yo. Dark times. 

Weight wise, things are still bleak. I was 70.5kg this morning when I weighed - after a week of gross eating, not totally unexpected. Today, I skipped lunch and had a 400 cal pesto pasta for dinner with a blue berry smoothie and coffee with milk, so 600 for the day is my guess. Hoping this food weight will disappear and I'll be back below 70 tomorrow. 

Love & Lovelier
Xo Xo

Monday, August 3, 2015

Back From Nigeria

And what a fucking party - man. Nigeria. What a place. Look I know that everyone says really shit stuff about Nigeria, but fuck man. Sorry, it's nuts. Well what also happened was that my colleague tried to kiss me, I bit him so that his lip started pissing blood and then he hit me through the face. I didn't report it or anything today. I don't really know why I didn't, but it really isn't going to make a difference, because my company is the kind that would make it my fault. Fuck, but I'm also not a child so I can take a hit to the head. I shouldn't have to. Fucking drama. 

There was also a Lebanese gangster...

I didn't eat THAT THAT much last week, but I haven't weighed myself... Today I had a sandwich, tomatoes, two biscuits, salmon and some fruit for dinner. I think about 1200. Not great. I will weigh tomorrow, because I now have two months to get to 60. FUCK. 

Peace & Violence
Xo Xo

P.s. My book is at 22000 words - 1/5 of the way. Bosh!