Monday, March 31, 2014

Guess Who's Back With A Brand New Act?


I'm back from Cape Town - wow. What a trip? I have totally realised why I don't live there anymore... Amazing. It is in fact a miracle that I made it out of that place... I can't tell you how pleased I am that I decided to move here and get the FUCK out of that city. It's so claustrophobic... pretentious and overall just really lame. 

I am also really fat. 65kg worth of fat - I did nothing in Cape Town other than eat, drink and smoke cheddar. Anyway, I also saw Roy - sniveling pathetic shell of a man. I don't know what happened to the man that I love... but he's not there anymore. I saw Waldo - or Lilypad, as you know him. I'm over the whole code name vibe. Anyway, so I saw them both... Do I miss them? OH HELL no. 

I'm looking for a place to live too, which is daunting. Anyway, so like. That's it in a nutshell. I'll write more tomorrow, I'm quite tired. OH and they lost my luggage, so I'm waiting for it to be delivered to me.

I hate being this fat, my clothes are feeling tighter again... I've had about... 900 cals today which consisted of sushi for lunch (about 750) and soup for dinner (140) - yay me. Let's hope tomorrow is better.


Love & Loving
Xo Xo 

Thursday, March 6, 2014


I am just eternally irritable today. I can't even really put my finger on why. Probably because I just want to get the hell out of London and have a holiday for two weeks. One more week to go and then I'll be in Cape Town. @ stillimagining - I'm actually from Cape Town. I moved to London two years ago after a vile and nasty break-up with the same Roy who often frequents my posts, because lord knows, I don't seem to listen or learn. Anyway, I'm tired. I'm just really tired. But you know what, life is still pretty awesome. I think I'm doing okay at work. Personal life isn't that bad. OH SHIT! I literally just remembered that I have a session with my life coach at 7pm. Fucking hell. I'm so tired. I don't think I can face it. FUCK. I forgot to cancel. Of well. 

Anyway, that aside. Yesterday, my friend Monika and I had dinner at her place with our other friend Harrison, with whom she lives. I had a curry (veggie obviously), a chapati, some mushroom rice, poppadoms, 3/4 glasses of red wine IN ADDITION to the soup and oatmeal that I had yesterday already making my cals for the day around one million at least. So from my 62.3 yesterday, this morning I was 62.5 BUT today I have only had around 700, so hopefully I'll be back down tomorrow. 

Wish me luck? I gotta go. My life coach session is in 10 minutes. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Strong And Determined!

I'm really feeling motivated right now, which is pretty cray-cray, I'm tellin' ya. I have not been tempted to binge since Saturday, not even a little bit. I mean - fuck it. I made it through a hungover day without binging. Today, Anthony (the super needy creepy guy from work from a few months ago that I blew off and then he hated me) asked to have coffee after work, because we've been bantering around the office a little bit. I mean I am a little worried about it, because I don't want him to think that me being friendly equates to me being into him, because I'm not. At all. Ain't gonna happen. Anyway, so we went to Starbucks, but I already knew what I was going to have for dinner and mentally prepared my calories for the day, so it wasn't in my budget to have my usual order, so I just ordered a black decaf. Simple as. Anyway, so I'm pretty damn stoked about that little thing. Today then I will have had around 700, which consisted of oatmeal for breakfast (140), half a vegan pizza for dinner (408) and salad with dressing (60), so actually. I'm only at 600 for the day. I may have a pear a bit later to up my current lacking in five-a-day. Anyway, it's beautiful. I'm stoked. 

Today however when I weighed in I was at *MOTHERFUCKING* 62.4. Which is EXACTLY the same as what I was yesterday. I swear to fucking god, I get what people talk about with fucked up metabolisms. I think mine is shot now, because I had 600 and didn't lose. BOLLOCKS TO HELL AND BACK MOTHER FUCKING CUNT BAG! Anyway, I figure that if I keep on with a good intake that it will eventually be okay and I will continue to lose. So hopefully tomorrow will be better and I will be sub-62. Wish me luck? 9 days till Cape Town. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

Monday, March 3, 2014

This Weekend

This weekend ended up being a little bit chaotic. But all around ok. Saturday, I ended up eating more than I should've and then drinking two bottles of wine and cider on skype with my sister, then Jody and then Roy. Needless to say, I was fucking hungover on Sunday and I weighed and I was 61.1kg. LIKE WTF!? But then again, dehydrated from the drinking hence the lower weight. Despite taking in way more calories. So then despite my better instincts, I didn't binge. I had a coke, a falaffel meal which consisted of falafel and rice with salad and some bread, a coffee and some ice cream. Today I was thankfully 62.4kg. Today I've had about 600 cals. So hopefully tomorrow I'll be sub-62. WHOOP! Wish me luck?

I really am completely taken with this whole eating-breakfast thing. Like in the mornings when I get to work, I've been having a bowl of oatmeal. Mostly because then I can skip lunch and then I can concentrate better. And the thing is - I'm not that hungry by the time I get home. It's only 200 cals in the morning and I don't feel like I need to eat an entire house by the time I get home. I'm going to be 60 in no time at this rate. Feeling fucking strong. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

Saturday, March 1, 2014

What Is It With This Weight? (AND Thinspo)

So yesterday morning, I was a lovely 62.9 and I had about 700 cals for the day, which consisted of oatmeal for breakfast (200), vegan sausages (404) and salad (under 100). Then this morning when I weighed in I was 63.0. I don't really get what is with me and this weight? Last time I was here a week or so back, I also stopped at the high 62's and didn't move for like... 4 days. And then I binged and went back up again, but like. Now I'm doing the same thing. Fuck sakes. I have to be below 62 by Monday or I'm not going to make it to 60 by the time I need to go back to Cape Town. FOR FUCK SAKES!!! Anyway, today I've had 209 cals so far which consisted of oatmeal for breakfast. Then for dinner I'm going to have vegan sausages and salad again (300). So hopefully tomorrow will be better. I'm almost half tempted to take some laxies... that may in fact still happen. So let's see then shall we. 

I have also discovered that eating breakfast is a really good thing for me, because firstly - I actually stay awake at work and secondly - I don't feel the need to eat lunch and by the time I get home from work, I actually can restrain myself with food. Breakfast is the bidniz. The learning curve of course is the whole ana problem of eating early in the day and then going - well fuck it. I've eaten now so I may as well just totally binge out and fuck it all up. I'm learning. Functional ED. Whoop. 


Love & Oatmeal
Xo Xo