A Triumphant Return... Sorta

So - where the fuck have I been? 

It's been three months... almost four since I last blogged. I bet y'all thought that I pulled a houdini like the rest of our online blog babes. 

Things have been happening and not happening. So I suspect this is going to be quite long. 

Chris and I have completely fallen apart. Like Roy, him and I are now engaged in this incredibly toxic on again off again weirdness which is just not good for either of us. But the stark truth of the matter is that I just love him so goddamn much. And I'm sure for all of you out there who have been with someone forever who is more of a soulmate, a 'one' you'll know why this is so hard to walk away from. 

Now I don't believe in soulmate, I think there are a million people out there for me. He however is one of the exceptional ones. 

Are there any military wives/girlfriends out there? 

It all fell apart when he went into training for his current job. It's like he switched off and although I logically know how he feels about me and that there is affection there, there is just no warmth or affection. I need warmth. And this is how it feel apart, because the lack of warmth has driven me to the very edge of my sanity. He knows it, I know it. After 10 months which granted have not been us being together he still does not say that he loves me. I think he's scared of what it would mean to love me, but what I feel from him is love. I am aware that this sounds delusional. I think it's a military thing, but I am completely ill-equipped to deal with it. 

Aside from this, I've been living it up as far as being 'single' and have been doing my traveling thing. Since I last blogged I have been to Bulgaria (lame), Romania (epic) and Israel (TOTALLY EPIC) - check out my instagram: @mynameisKeran. (Also cuz you'll get to see what I'm like in real life.)

So yoga - I'm still doing yoga, I still love yoga, I do it a fair amount, I'm getting strong and flexible (my arms are fucking lit). Do yoga, everyone should do yoga. 

I'm also vegan - I can't justify what the industry does to animals and the planet. 

Work - my company got acquired by the company that fired me four years ago (do you remember? Read here.) - and now I am reporting to the very same woman that fired me. My world literally went into tail spin. That happened about a month ago. The good news is that she/the boss has been super chilled about all of it and leaving me alone. So I've just been getting on with my own thing and because the company has flexible working, I've been working from home a lot and generally just laying really low. 

The most positive thing about it all is that I was made an offer by a tech company to set up their content marketing offering, so I am no longer going to be in event production. I am officially as of the end of August going to be a techhead. This is obviously really exciting. It does mean practically that I won't be traveling anymore for work, but it does mean that I will have more broad experience and come this time next year when I want to go remote so I can live wherever I want, I should be able to do just that. 

And I mean, that's kinda it for now. 

Oh... my weight. 69.8kg. It's disgusting. But a lot of that has to do with the stress of what's been happening with work and Chris. I am hoping to see Chris when he's back here on leave in a couple of months and I need to drop 5kgs before then. I'm already working on it. *watch this space*. 

Fat Forever & Optimistic

Xo Xo