Monday, February 16, 2015

Things That I Am Learning

Over the past few weeks, as you know. I have been doing Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide, to be specific I have been doing this for six weeks now. I am in week 7. It has been completely consuming in terms of having to eat clean and make sure that I get all the workouts in - which at the moment is five cardio sessions a week and three resistance. On days like today, I am doing exercise twice a day - once before work and now once after - resistance in the evening. I have also had monumental fuck ups as far as food - like massive severe binges, which have left me feeling fat and hopeless. It's different though. I'm a bulimic female, binge starve, binge starve and these binges are mental. This time though I have binged, carried on exercising and then gotten back on track and by some small miracle, my progress pics are still showing some difference. I mean, I am by no means bikini ready, but it isn't like I don't think I'll be there by Thailand in a few weeks. 

I also have been eating way more than I ever have consistently and I feel really fucking good. I mean - it's about 1200 - 1500 per day plus about 300 - 600 cals worth of exercise, so in a MIA world, it's still right up there. It's almost like I'm learning that I can eat things and still lose weight. I know that sounds ridiculous... I actually don't think it sounds ridiculous at all. You girls know what I mean - It's like ja duh captain obvious, but maybe I can EAT!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I CAN EAT? *can I eat? food is still the enemy... don't be silly piggy...*

I did cardio before work this morning and I went to gym this evening *fist bump* 

Maybe I can be normal? ... said the walking calorie counter. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo


Joanne said...

Hi I just started my second week of Kayla's workout. I've read thru your posts, and I am glad you're eating more now. I understand being obsessive about food, I am like that too though not as extreme since I really love food. I can't decide whether it's healthy or not since on one hand, I am making conscious choice of not putting crap in my body, on another hand I am limiting what I eat. I don't know. I haven't been following Kayla's nutrition guide since I was already on a different guide and want to finish that one first. Anyways, I just want to say hi. Keep up the good work.
Also please don't be so hard on yourself. While reading your blog posts, it pains me to see how upset you're with yourself when you binge. I learn that the key to eliminate binge is to eat a balance meal and not starve yourself. Let's be healthy together and get our bikini body!! Let's learn to fuel our body properly.

Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│ said...

is everyone doing Kayla but me? i'm just eating chocolate and hoping i'll lose weight. literally.

oh man, 5 cardio & 3 resistance?! i'm so jealous. how do you have so much energy for that?! how long are your cardio/resistance sessions? or maybe you don't have to answer that. i could always just read the stupid book again. teheh.

DUDE. bulimia is the fucking death of me. i hate it. purging, binging, fast, exercise, exercise, binge, binge, binge, BINGE, laxatives, laxatives, purge, binge. so monotonous and tiring.

so a net of 600-1,200 calories. dude, i'd be rapidly losing weight on this. how are you not? then again, the metabolism isn't as hot as it used to be with an ED for so long. and i'm in recovery so there's that.

that sucks, man.

and dude, for me, that's not eating, but then again, i'm in my recovery bubble. just an insight from this little girl.

"Maybe I can be normal? ... said the walking calorie counter."

can i steal this man

-Sam Lupin

Lolita said...

Maybe the plan is helping you to banish some demons, and work towards having a 'regular' relationship with food?

Just a thought, but it sounds like Kayla's really helping you.

<3 You're adorable.


AVY said...

Whatever normal means... I'm sure you can become what you want to be, if you just keep fighting.