Is It Possible To Be THIS Grumpy?

Today, I'm just in a horrible mood. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm massively stressed out about work - we just aren't hitting milestones that we need to. *stress* 

I also feel like my friends are being a bit shit at the moment, very self-involved and I want them to ask me about my life sometimes. And actually care when I give an answer about something. This whole weekend was talking about other people. I'm meant to do this standup thing on Wednesday, I'm not prepared. I think I'm gonna cancel. 

I went on a date with Ivan, the Italian. And it was strangely perfect. Two problems - he is a Christian (I don't have a problem with Christians or anything, it's just an immense philosophical difference that we have - I.e. I generally only date atheists) and the other is that English isn't his first language (but his English is actually pretty good given that fact) - I am however going to give myself a self-therapy moment and tell myself that no two people are exactly perfect and that it isn't the end of the world if he is slightly different from the picture of a perfect man. 

This is also going to sound maybe a bit shallow, but he is SO hot - his body is honestly perfect. Like Tarzan - long and muscular. It's like... Damn. I'm meant to be seeing him tomorrow and I'm a little excited, I mean he's a super nice, kinda fun, passionate Italian. And he doesn't mind that I'm bossy. 

On Friday morning, my weight was 63.3. And then I had two and a half days of immense eating, so I'm not weighing myself until at least Wednesday. I'm sure I will have gained, but a few good days of restricting should fix that right up. 

I have another three weeks to get down to 62kg. 

Peace & Love 

Xo Xo 

The Best Summer Gift

This morning I noticed something I haven't seen in a while - my thigh gap hath returneth from being squished between flabby thighs for almost two years. 

63.3 this morning. 

Is it weird that I'm concerned that I'm losing weight too fast? (... Said no ana girl ever, but this ana girl has been dealing with this shit for way too long and doesn't want to irreparably damage my organs etc - which is a bit of a fucked thing for even me to admit. I'm proud of this - mental progress. Be skinny, but don't die try trying!) 

Anyway, so my thigh gap is back just in for summer, it's so nice to not have them tough when I walk. Okay, that's stupid - I only noticed this morning. It WILL be nice. 

I also just wanna say though that I have very skinny limbs and pretty narrow hips, this is how thigh gap happens for me. It's not really an achievable thing for most girls though I know. I don't see it as a sign of achievement for anyone other than me. THIGH GAPS DON'T NECESSARILY EQUAL SUCCESS! 

So that's 1.3kg from what I've pegged as my goal weight. I'm pretty stoked and proud. The skirt that I've been lamenting about for years actually fits very comfortably now (I'm wearing it now!). 

I went swimming in Hampstead Heath ladies pond yesterday which involved a bikini. I still felt fat, I will always feel fat, but I tell myself that no one is looking or if they are, they don't care. I even - and this is a giggle - went topless for a bit. I didn't notice there were topless women (this is a ladies only swimming pond) and then I just started seeing boobs everywhere. I've never done sports really and I don't go to gym, so I never see half naked women anywhere. It was weird and I was strangely fascinated by it - so many different body shapes, very few of them were perfect, some were large, some were old, some were almost perfect, but most were a little flabby and what I would consider to be healthy and normal. It was a strange experience. It made me really think about the way I look - like if I got naked in front of someone, a man or whoever, he might actually not be totally disgusted with what he sees, my body is definitely similar to 90% of what's out there. It was a proud and empowering moment. 

Random thoughts. 

Peace & Love 

Xo Xo 

DANGER, DANGER!

This morning was 63.5kg and now I'm approaching the danger zone. Two years ago, I got down to this weight and then fucked it all up almost immediately and that's how I got gradually up to my original weight again earlier this year. So now, I have to be militant about making sure I don't fuck it up again... 

Anyway, so that's a victory for me - my weight this morning. Especially cuz I did go apeshit and a little BBQ last night - too many pinenuts and too many lambchops. 

Today however, I am going swimming after work and I can't fucking wait. For those of you in London, it is a fucking oven at the moment. There is this pond in Hampstead Heath that is ladies only. It's kinda bizarre, because I wouldn't feel self conscious in a bathing suit around a bunch of old ladies swimming about, but add some men (there is also a mixed pond) and all of a sudden, I feel judged and leered at. Whatever though. Ladies pond tonight! I can't wait. 

I'm a bit annoyed with one of my friends. She's met some guy and now keeps blowing off our plans. She swears she's not one of those women who doesn't understand bros before ho's. Apparently she does not. So many double negatives floating around in that sentence... 

I'm not going to get pissed about any of this however, because I'm thinner than I have been in years and I'm going swimming tonight in a fucking pond! 

Love you all for the comments! 

Peace & Love 

Xo Xo 

Coming To You From The Victoria Line

So three things of significance happened in the last 24 hours and the fourth happened last week, but I'll tell you about it now. 

1. I BROKE 64! I am now 63.9kg despite eating what I thought was a lot yesterday. As I've decided to provisionally stop at 62, I'm pleased about that. I think my bmi is somewhere around 20 now and that's MARVELOUS. Two random people called me skinny in the last few days, so that's really great. (Ones exact words were skinny little blondie - not little, but I'll take it.) 

2. I got my period yesterday, which is wonderful for two reasons - one is that I had a very irresponsible hookup with a beautiful ginger man a few weeks back and was convinced I was preggo. Shocking, whatever. The other and more important reason is that I hope I'm carrying a couple extra lbs of water weight. I hope I hope. 

3. I got asked out by another beautiful ginger, this one being a 25 year old, tall, ITALIAN! A tall, ginger, Italian - for those of you know Italians, that is just not the profile of men that come from there. They are usually short and dark. He's also really nice, so I'm excited. And for all the single ladies of blogger, he's offered a Friday night - no one goes on a first date on Friday nights. It's prime weekend real estate! So it either means he's convinced he's getting some (he doesn't seem that arrogant) or he's a genuinely nice guy. I am choosing to believe the latter and if it is the former, we all know that this Piggy doesn't take shit. 

4. And this happened last week - I decided not to see Colbey and blocked him, after telling him off. 

Thanks for the comments as always, specifically A and Sammy - you guys are pretty insightful. I also am aware that I bitch non-stop about men - I'm not that vapid... 

I'm going to a comedy night tonight, the one I'll be performing at next week to check out my competition. Still butt nervous. 

It's a million degrees in London today and I'm sitting on the tube writing this, it's marvvvvvv! 

Instagram: KeranBoyd 

Peace & Love 

Xo Xo 

To Love And Win Is The Best Thing, To Love And Lose Is The Next Best

So in update to yesterday's post. Things with Tyler are definitely done. Just having a few hours to reflect on it - he can't be that awesome a person if losing me means nothing to him, right? And even if it does, he can't articulate it. The bottom line is that if he can't communicate with me now, his communication skills will prove hopelessly inadequate in the long run and this will only cause problems. 

This morning I weighed in at 64.1!! I'm hoping if I'm good today, it'll be a solid 1lb loss by tomorrow, but as we know. These things rarely go that way... 

Peace & Love (from a muggy and wonderful London Town) 

Xo Xo