Thursday, July 21, 2016

The Best Summer Gift

This morning I noticed something I haven't seen in a while - my thigh gap hath returneth from being squished between flabby thighs for almost two years. 

63.3 this morning. 

Is it weird that I'm concerned that I'm losing weight too fast? (... Said no ana girl ever, but this ana girl has been dealing with this shit for way too long and doesn't want to irreparably damage my organs etc - which is a bit of a fucked thing for even me to admit. I'm proud of this - mental progress. Be skinny, but don't die try trying!) 

Anyway, so my thigh gap is back just in for summer, it's so nice to not have them tough when I walk. Okay, that's stupid - I only noticed this morning. It WILL be nice. 

I also just wanna say though that I have very skinny limbs and pretty narrow hips, this is how thigh gap happens for me. It's not really an achievable thing for most girls though I know. I don't see it as a sign of achievement for anyone other than me. THIGH GAPS DON'T NECESSARILY EQUAL SUCCESS! 

So that's 1.3kg from what I've pegged as my goal weight. I'm pretty stoked and proud. The skirt that I've been lamenting about for years actually fits very comfortably now (I'm wearing it now!). 

I went swimming in Hampstead Heath ladies pond yesterday which involved a bikini. I still felt fat, I will always feel fat, but I tell myself that no one is looking or if they are, they don't care. I even - and this is a giggle - went topless for a bit. I didn't notice there were topless women (this is a ladies only swimming pond) and then I just started seeing boobs everywhere. I've never done sports really and I don't go to gym, so I never see half naked women anywhere. It was weird and I was strangely fascinated by it - so many different body shapes, very few of them were perfect, some were large, some were old, some were almost perfect, but most were a little flabby and what I would consider to be healthy and normal. It was a strange experience. It made me really think about the way I look - like if I got naked in front of someone, a man or whoever, he might actually not be totally disgusted with what he sees, my body is definitely similar to 90% of what's out there. It was a proud and empowering moment. 

Random thoughts. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo 


Sam Lupin said...

i am not sure whether or not to be jealous of your thigh gap. i realised nowadays (in recovery days) that i despise those ruddy things and do not wish to have them.

"Is it weird that I'm concerned that I'm losing weight too fast?" i have this feeling relatively a lot and i actually do attempt to stop fast weight loss because i associate it with being sick (e.g. dizzy, nauseous, etc).


are we talking about the Zara skirt? is that the one? *been out of the loop, have you, Sam Lupin?*

i think it's nice to hear that you're coming to terms with your body and how it is. i honestly just think you're ace and i don't rlly care about how you look. ;) <3 though i can say that you're gorg.

love you loads. hope i didn't offend you with anything (i can't even tell what's half-offensive these days, bad Sam).

-Sam Lupin

Aye Ell said...

I have a body type that will likely never have a thigh gap. Even in high school when I wore a size 0, I still didn't have a thigh gap, so I have to focus on other things. For me it's generally the protrusion of my iliac crests/ASIS.

And it definitely is liberating to see other women's ACTUAL bodies, and not what has been photoshopped onto screens and magazines. I've spent enough time in locker rooms to see a lot of different bodies and we're all different, and no one is "perfect".

That's one of my favorite things about the show Girls on HBO. So much nudity, but it's not just the "perfect" bodied women that are taking it off. Lena Dunham's naked in like, 50% of the episodes. It's nice to see some one who doesn't have super model looks showing her flesh! And believe me, men may have some shallow tendencies, but when a woman is taking off her clothes, they are remarkably not picky!