From My Phone

Blogging from my phone because I couldn't be arsed to actually pick up my computer right now. Right guys, yes I'm going to talk about Roy again. I found out today why he has refused to tell me what his exs name is. It's because it's our old neighbour, Shelly. The one who I constantly asked if he was seeing her and he constantly denied it. Just when I think he can't be any more predictable or disappointing. There you have it. Now please HEAR ME! I'm not upset about it. It really just confirms everything I know about him. Which is that he will never change - the fact that he hasn't manned up and told me. It's just weak. He is a weak person. Yet again, I have been burnt by people by having too great an expectation of them. That being said. I will never stop expecting the best from people. One day, I will meet someone or some people who live up to those expectations. The lesson here is to trust my instincts. Stop being weak myself and to stop thinking that people can change. It's just so very disappointing. On the plus side - what I do know is that she is dumb as rocks, short and has a fat ass. So actually I don't feel insecure about it, I'm just really disappointed that he didn't have the stones to own up. I shan't be seeing him when I'm in Cape Town. Unfortunately. He's not worth my time. 

In other news, I had an interview yesterday which went hopelessly badly. Like just so terribly. Whoops *blush*! I ate about 1500 cals yesterday too which wasn't great. So this morning I gained from the day before to 64.3. Which is a bummer. Today I've had 600 cals... Well 570 actually. I had oatmeal for breakfast (170) and noodles for dinner (400). Perfect day. I feel light and empty. 

Air & Solitude 

Xo Xo 

Fatty McFatsickle

That's my new name. This morning - 44.3. Gross. Today - 930 calories. Fatty McFatkins is me. Tomorrow, no doubt will be a gain. I'm sick of being suck a failure ALL THE TIME. Fatty. Fat piggy. I will try harder tomorrow. I have an interview tomorrow with a really cool company with a much better salary. No travelling though, but fuck it. I can go on actual holidays instead of fucking being too broke all the time to do so. Fucking bureaucrats. I won't be getting a raise like they said and apparently I won't be getting any commission from my last project either - WHICH IS FUCKING HORSECRAP. Basically, as soon as I have another job, I will be leaving my current role. Fuck. Them. My intake today consisted of a latte (148), a mountain of over chips (500), veggie parmesan (195), three plums (60) and some mini gherkins (20). I suppose the silver lining is that it is still under 1000. That's okay. I'll be in Cape Town in two weeks and then after that I have to find somewhere new to live, which I am seriously NOT amped about. But such is life and at least I'll have my sister here with me. :)

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

EEUW PIGGY!

I've eaten this entire weekend. Too scared to weigh this morning. Only had 126 cals today to try and compensate. I'm disgusting. I will weigh tomorrow. I hope it isn't too bad. I'm disgusting. I've got an interview on Wednesday, I just applied for a job at Google. Wish me luck. I'm disgusting. And fat, but mostly disgusting... and fat. 

Fat & More Fat

Xo Xo

Falafel, Say What!?

I am in a SERIOUSLY bad place right now with my eating - I can't seem to restrict properly, because I don't know - I JUST FUCKING CAN'T!? It's because I have to have lunch everyday and I'm choosing the wrong things - I weighed 64.3 this morning, so it's a loss - I'm expecting a pretty big loss tomorrow because *cough* let's just say that the gross food from this weekend has finally made it's way out of my body. I also cheeky weighed myself when I got home from work and I was 64.1 - so I think it will be better tomorrow. I keep consoling myself with the fact that I am actually eating a lot of veggies and fruit, so it's better - but it's still calories. ANYWAY, today I had a falafel salad (which is like... 330 for the falafel, 100 hummus and 165 for pita break = AT LEAST 600 for the whole thing - WHAT THE FUCK - "salad" MY PASTY ASS!!), a latte (149), skinny soup (126) and blueberries (60) so that's a total of around 1000 for the day. Please lose, please lose, please lose. 

I'm also lank obsessed with Alanis Morrisette at the moment... which is strange for me. I'm going to a British style frat party full of young 20 year olds this weekend. I know it's totally cougarish behaviour, but I shall be finding a cute British boy to make out with. Cuz fuck it. I need some attention. 

Thank you to all my lovelies... I LOVE YOU ALL! Remind me tell you guys about Hannah - this girl I work with - ya'll must KNOW. Will post about her tomorrow :)

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

A Gratuitous Post About Getting Fat And Men

So first things first, I'm disgusting and fat. I binged on Friday, Saturday and (really badly) on Sunday, Monday, yesterday and today have been alright but not great. I weighed 64.9. I.e. I undid all the good I've done over the past two weeks. I'm a GINORMOS failure. I'm so over being fat. I'm hoping that some of it is just food weight. Today I had a punnet of strawberries (120); a salad (200?); a falafel salad (300 - 500); a latte and chocolate almond milk (300) - gross. Just gross. It was mostly veggies and fruit today, but still. Calories are calories. I'm going to take tomorrow as my 'official' weight, the food has had some time to exit the body. So let's continue. 

Men - Friday, I ended up on a date with the beautiful ginger man with the beard - yeah. I was there for less than an hour and then I left. He farted at the table. DUDES, I'm not fucking joking. He. FARTED. At. The TABLE. What ever happened to respect and good manners? I'm not even upset about it, but then I went home and drank a bottle of jack while on FaceTime with Roy. I'm so angry with myself. I don't want to talk to him. He's like crack to me. Like speaking to him is my fix. I get so happy. I'm not even in love with him - I don't know what it is with me and that man. I swear - he's like a drug to me. I can't even say anymore than that. Roy is my crack. On Satuday however I had a lovely evening of drinking games with some friends, one of whom was the cousin of a friend, a doctor, young, cute - good manners, nice guy. Problem: he lives in Jersey. Mitigating factor: Jersey is really close and he comes here quite a bit. SO, I'm thinking I may just try and hellooooooooo *wink wink nudge nudge* "heyyyyyy" next time he's in town... I feel like talking to Roy has made me want to be more proactive about dating, because I want to have someone else besides being addicted to him. WHAT THE FUCK PIGGY!? Seriously.

Fatness & Fatterness

Xo Xo