Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Masturbator

This post is definitely going to be a little off piste. James, the guy from my office with whom I casually hung out naked - last Friday, I was feeling a little frisky #PiggyWantsTheD and mentioned that I might be keen to hang out the night before Paris. He came over, we took more pills - nothing happened (besides me missing my flight the next morning like a mug). 

Now - let me interject here for a minute, because this is the segue that makes my point. For those reading this who work in an office - I've mentioned before how there are certain stereotypes which always creep up, no matter what company it is. Now, you know the creepy guy in the office who makes awkward eye contact and prides himself on being a gentleman - the guy who takes bathroom breaks that are a little too long, a little often - you just KNOW he's rubbing one out in the bathrooms - the office masturbator. 

James is the masturbator. 

In addition to which, he took viagra on the DL while we were hanging out (I saw him taking it and called him out). For what conceivable purpose, I'm not sure. I'm also not sure why I found it super repulsive that he took it anyway. And the next morning to get rid of him, I made up an elaborate lie about needing to go to Borough Market (by myself), to get pork shoulder (by myself), to make pulled pork (by myself) - just to get him to leave immediately. This involved a round trip on the tube which took about 40 minutes, but I ditched him in the end. 

I'm 67.8kg today. The lowest I've been in at least six months. I'm sure the masturbator will love the skinny dress I'm wearing today to go with my skinny feeling. Now that I've broken 68, it's time to get to 65. 

Peace & Love 
Xo Xo

1 comment:

Cally C. said...

Love when you hang out with a fling material guy and see their weirdo side... Did that with a work guy not too long ago. But Viagra!? Ha ha ha ha!