Because I Was Weak...

I now have to be strong. Quick update, because David will be here any second. I didn't binge after my post last night, so all-in-all yesterday was a relative success. Today however, I was weak from start to finish so now come dinner time, I need to be strong. I had a soy latte (148) from starbucks, I then had corguette fritters with sweet chilli sauce and salad for lunch (guessing around 400?), a biscuit (67), three small squares of chocolate (90?) and a monster (15) - total therefore is 720... oh and add three cups of coffee (no sugar), so 800. HOWEVER, I am going to have a little bit of wine, I'm guessing the content of which is around 400 cals. So 1200 for the day is not great, however to be proactive, I am not having any dinner. YES WE CAN! I'm a bit miserable that I can't have dinner, but if I hadn't have had the chocolate and the latte... or the biscuit, I'd be able to. Fuck it. 

I still haven't weighed in. I'm still too bloated and scared. I will though... eventually. Maybe tomorrow just to see where I am. I've already planned my lunch for tomorrow, so that's sorted. I just need to make it to lunch without eating anything AND NO LATTES! 

Follow me on twitter peeps :) @FatPiggyFlowers! 

Twitter & Instagram (WHORE!)

Xo Xo

Fucked Up. Again.

After I posted last night, I ate another 520 calories which means I had 1440 yesterday. Sad and disgusting. Needless to say - I didn't weigh this morning. Anyway, I've looked and felt enormous all day. I'm bloated and huge. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be less bloated. 

Today I had an avocado and chickpea salad again (320), tea (100), a biscuit (67) and steamed gyoza (300), so that's 787 today. Manageable. I think I've realised that in the 700/800s is a manageable intake for me. Anyway, my goal is to be sub-62 by August 1st - which is my company summer party, so let's hope my dreaded plateau doesn't re-emerge. 

One can only hope. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Completely Fucked Up

Over the weekend... starting on Thursday in fact. I worked from home. I binged. Friday, I got my new tattoo - four and a half hours of pain - low blood sugar - I binged. Saturday I kept it together and then I got drunk = binge. Yesterday, I was hungover as fuck. Binge. (Speaking of which, if you want to see the new tattoo, check out my twitter: @FatPiggyFlowers)

Today... not great, but manageable. Dumplings with hoison sauce for lunch (200), nachos (236), tea (130) and a chickpea and avocado salad (341) = 907 for the day. Not great, but coming off four days of binging with a stretched stomach. I'm alright with it. I'm going to try and replicate this tomorrow. Minus the nachos and tea count. Basically, I have milk in my tea and then sometimes... I mean. I can't lie, I do sometimes cave and have a spoonful of sugar in my coffee... anyway. For today I will take it. I'm only going to weigh on Wednesday.

It will be okay...

I hope.

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

Is It Real Weight?

After writhing in agony last night for about an hour, I have resolved to not take laxies anymore. Not that I ever took them often, but it seriously cannot be healthy to put yourself through that amount of pain. I remember thinking last night after I was woken up in side-splitting agony that this is just not worth it. Although, in saying that I did wake up this morning at 64.6kg. So... they kinda did work and now I have managed to break the plateau. But as we all know with laxies, it's just cleaning out your system, so I'm not convinced that it can be regarded as a real weight loss. My feeling is that I will wake up tomorrow morning at be back to my original plateau weight. 

Today was an okay-ish day - I've had about 900 cals consisting of special k cracker crisps (95), monster (10), sushi (320), coffee and tea (150), a potato cake (213) and two weight watchers biscuits (88) - I'm rounding up just in case. Tomorrow we shall see what the result it. 

Fingers crossed it isn't a gain... 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo 

Body Vs. Willpower

I am literally so frustrated, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the fuck I can do to break this plateau. This morning 65.2kg. My weight hasn't moved. It hasn't moved in two and a half weeks. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I can't handle this. My belly is fat and disgusting. I'm restricting, I'm not cheating. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and nothing is working. Legit, my belly looks like I'm pregnant. It's all bloated and distended. Maybe I have a stomach tumor. That's a terrible thing to say. I just don't understand. WHY is my body doing this to me?? I'm not starving myself. It's got more than enough calories to work properly. I'm so frustrated. Jillian Michaels says that a plateau usually lasts about three weeks - but what the fuck? Mine has almost been three weeks and nothing. And then she said vary your calories, but I couldn't bear to increase them anymore than they currently are, because if I'm not losing on an average of 800 cals, then I'll fucking gain if I eat anymore. I'm just so frustrated. I just took a laxie. Hopefully, I won't be doubled over in pain again later. 

Today I had a bag of special k crisps (95), two coke lights and a sugar free redbull, a pasta salad for lunch (396 - I misread the label, I read the cals per 100g which was half the salad so I only noticed after I'd eaten it that it was big time fat food - rookie error), tea/coffee (100 about) and a 'potato cake' (213) - so rougly 810 - 830 for the day.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day that this fat, disgusting Piggy will stop being this disgusting. It's the kind of thing that makes me want to cut again. I can't do this much longer, my mental state can't handle it. 

Frustration & Anger

Xo Xo