Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Body Vs. Willpower

I am literally so frustrated, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the fuck I can do to break this plateau. This morning 65.2kg. My weight hasn't moved. It hasn't moved in two and a half weeks. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I can't handle this. My belly is fat and disgusting. I'm restricting, I'm not cheating. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and nothing is working. Legit, my belly looks like I'm pregnant. It's all bloated and distended. Maybe I have a stomach tumor. That's a terrible thing to say. I just don't understand. WHY is my body doing this to me?? I'm not starving myself. It's got more than enough calories to work properly. I'm so frustrated. Jillian Michaels says that a plateau usually lasts about three weeks - but what the fuck? Mine has almost been three weeks and nothing. And then she said vary your calories, but I couldn't bear to increase them anymore than they currently are, because if I'm not losing on an average of 800 cals, then I'll fucking gain if I eat anymore. I'm just so frustrated. I just took a laxie. Hopefully, I won't be doubled over in pain again later. 

Today I had a bag of special k crisps (95), two coke lights and a sugar free redbull, a pasta salad for lunch (396 - I misread the label, I read the cals per 100g which was half the salad so I only noticed after I'd eaten it that it was big time fat food - rookie error), tea/coffee (100 about) and a 'potato cake' (213) - so rougly 810 - 830 for the day.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day that this fat, disgusting Piggy will stop being this disgusting. It's the kind of thing that makes me want to cut again. I can't do this much longer, my mental state can't handle it. 

Frustration & Anger
Xo Xo  

3 comments:

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ│͍͢⃝Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│❀✿ ⱴ⁄ said...

i can only imagine my love. i'd be so pissed if i was maintaining all this time. le sigh.
i hope the laxxie does you wonders.
dude, i do that rookie error all the time. it's so annoying.
don't cut, m'dear. this too shall pass xxxx

-Sam Lupin

Invisible_Ninja said...

Don't cut, I know things seem rough, but they will get better, I know exactly how you feel right now but it won't solve anything.
Maybe try eating at different times from the usual, could raise your metabolism?
Take Care
Invisible Ninja
P.S. you may not have lost but be thankful you've not gained :)

Lolita Thin said...

Maybe you could try varying what you use your calories on? I'm sorry I have no other suggestions; I'm in a similar place. xx