What, What!?

Dudes, DUDES! I lost 0.7kg this morning on the scale - can you even fucking cope!? I can't. I'm lower than I was when I plateaued a couple of weeks ago (pre-binge obviously). Anyway, I'm SO pleased. I'm hoping that this means that the running has kick started my metabolism and that I'm going to just drop the weight super quickly. Probably not. Anyway, I haven't run since Sunday. BUT. My logic is such: I always start exercising and then I stop because I go at it hammer and tongs. So I will go six days a week and then I will fail and be angry with myself. So I've said to myself that as long as I can go for one solitary run a week, I won't be mad. So I'll go this weekend maybe. 

I've now got three interviews next week - EECK! One of them is the second interview from the one earlier this week and the other two are new roles. I did get a job spec today for diet and nutrition industries - I would legit die to get that job. As we all know - ED-girl dream innit?? 

Anyway, today's intake has been okay. Still gluten free and for the second day in a row, I've managed to resist the plethora of biscuits and sweets that have occupied my desk for the last two days. Literally, there has been a ton. Today there were packets of hobnobs, oreos, chocolate fingers and TUC biscuits. I didn't have a single one. *snaps* for Piggy. SERIOUSLY MUTHA FUCKERS - *SNAPS* for me. *dance dance*. Anyway, so my actual intake. I had normal coffee amounts (4 coffees, one spoon of sugar 100cals), a lentil salad (220), two clementines (70), one nectarine (40) and lastly two vegan sausages (gluten free, 260). 690 calories total today. I'm quite pleased with that. It is always a challenge to resist having a big dinner. 

So I'm hoping that I will lose again tomorrow. I must say, the combination of gluten free and minimal exercise has really made such a difference. So let's hope it isn't a fluke and that the loss continues. Man, I'd kill to be 1kg lighter by Monday. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Small Victories

This morning when I stepped on the scale I had lost 1.3kgs. I was absolutely amazed, but this goes to show what Kay mentioned about how you weight fluctuates up and down by about 2/3lbs with your period. I'm hoping that this is also a good sign for my weightloss and that the running is going to work with the weight loss. I'm hoping that tomorrow will also be a loss for me. Today I've had a lentil salad (250 max), coffee (120), four nectarines (180), the tiniest slice of cheese (20) and a tiny glass of wine (150) for a total of 720 for the day. I'm happy with that. Fingers crossed for a loss!! AKA A WIN!! We can all use a win sometimes. 

I've also discovered two seasons of unwatched Supersize vs Superskinny - DUDES, you can watch it on youtube, so get watching. It is the greatest thinspo ever. I'm feeling strong at the moment and I find watching fat people really helps me. Also, watching people who are teeeeny tiny without even trying is really inspiring, cuz it makes our lack of willpower sometimes completely inexcusable. 

I wanted to also share Jen's comment that she left on my last post on the subject of being gluten free:

"the only advice i can give you is that... when trying to go gluten free, don't buy things that are "gluten-free"... It defeats the purpose (of not eating)....and god forbid, the dreaded "gluten free bread"... -shivers-"

I think this is really good and important advice and thanks to Jen for sharing. Much like how fat people think that they can still eat loads and be skinny. The reality is that it isn't true for most people. The reality about being gluten free I think is learning to live without those foods. As a vegetarian, I do try to stay away from meat-imitation products for this exact reason - if I wanted meat-like products, I'd just eat meat... I'm not sure if that even makes sense. But whatever you take away from that comment, GO JEN! 

... Everyone *snaps* for Jen. :) 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Interview (& NEW BLOGS PLEASE)

The interview went well. I got invited back for a second interview on the spot. So next week Tuesday, I've got my second with them for which I have to prepare a project. Which is not great. But I figure that I have the interpersonal skills to razzle dazzle, so now all I have to do is dedicate the time to completing this project and I will be laughing all the way to the bank. Motivation often comes in strange forms and today's motivation is courtesy of my colleague Kate, who I found out earns 4k more than me. The insult is that (and don't get me wrong, she is amazing and I love her) I'm better than she is. So fuck it. Fuck this company. I'm outta there as soon as I get a job. Screw it.

Today I've had coffee with sugar (two/three cups; 150?), three biscuits (154) and a lentil salad (which apart from the lentils and 60 cals worth of tofu, total can absolutely not be more than 250). So that's 554 for the day. I definitely am going to have a small clementine and a cup of tea. I will be asleep in like an hour. I'm exhausted. I couldn't sleep last night. I'm still enormous and I haven't had a chance to go for a run. I'm hoping for a loss tomorrow. (Have I told you guys that I'm trying gluten free for a month?)

Last night I started cleaning up my blog reading list. I had 210 blogs on that list from when I started this blog almost three years ago (GOD, 3 YEARS!?) and I've gotten down to the letter 'M' and I'm down to 100. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL OF US? I know that a lot of the people that have read and commented and followed this blog have been silly little teenagers who glamourise eating disorders. But fuck me. More than two thirds of the blogs that have been started were abandoned or deleted. ANYWAY. Point is that if you read this and you have a blog, won't you leave the URL in the comments so that I can follow you... (Also to my old readers, I do still read, I just don't always comment - you KNOW who are and that I love you #Sammy4Evs).

WHAT IS UP, MOTHER FUCKERS!?

Peace & Love

Xo Xo 

What's Been Happening

I don't understand my body, I have no idea what the fuck is going on right now. Legit - I'm not eating a lot, but I'm getting fatter. It's just a losing battle constantly. I think it may be stress. ANYWAY. Oh and I got my period surprisingly yesterday, so... that may be it. ANYWAY. So I weighed myself today and yesterday and let me tell you - I have not seen that number in a really long time. It's a scary high number. FUCK. Anyway, I've taken charge. I'm aiming for 1000 cals a day plus a 15/20 minute run 5/6 days a week. I'm going to try this for two weeks and see how I go. 

I've also been arguing a lot with David, because he watches me.This morning, he watched me weigh myself. Like he walked past as I was doing it and then stopped and watched. So naturally, I completely flipped my shit with him. I screamed at him in an instant and then ran and hide in the other room. Who the fuck (!?) does he think he is? WHO DOES THAT!? I am so fucking angry about it. Is nothing in this world sacred? I mean for FUCK sakes. I need my privacy and if he can't give me that, then he needs to get the fuck out. 

I've also got an interview tomorrow morning... Hopefully I'll get the job. :) I hope so.. It is doing production, same as I'm doing now. I will however have to leave renewables, as this role is in telecoms. But it's exciting, it's all mobiles and tablets. VERY. Cool. I really like the company and would like to make sure that I'm the right fit for it. I'm excited. Wish me luck?

Owing to my fatness, I also just took some laxies even though I swore that I wouldn't take anymore. I hate it. I need to go for my run, but it's pouring with rain.

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Total Fucking Shitstorm & Then Some

Things are just going to absolute shit at the moment in my life. God forbid the 'happiness' last long at all, time for the next sodding hurdle and fuck me. I wish it would all just go away for a while. Work is a total shitshow at the moment. With a new MD, the company is slowly realising the trouble that it is in and for better or worse, I'm completely willing to weather the storm. EXCEPT. Now they've told us that someone from my team of 7 is going to be out of a job by the end of the year. So my options are to wait around and hope that I don't get sacked or to find another job. I've chosen to do the latter. I mean in essence, I will have to wait around for the BIG REVEAL, but ultimately I've made the decision to the GTFO. It's so stressful and I'm an anxious wreck for most of the time. I can't do my job properly, because I'm completely distracted. It is awful. The upside is that the jobs I'm looking at are significantly better paid than my current role and more senior. Every cloud... 

The other side of it is that I smoked all weekend, which means I ate all weekend and am enormous. Today I had a couple too many cals but on the whole I'm at around 1200. I can deal. Too terrified to step on the scale. Awful. Awful. Awful. 

Awful & More Awful

Xo Xo