2600 Calories

... Is what I ate today and I'm only mildly disgusted with myself. It isn't that bad since I did do a 16 mile hike today which equates to about 1440 calories burnt. So like, it's kinda okay. It's kinda not okay. And tomorrow is leg day, and I have worked out consecutively for 8 days now. I'm just so tired and still fat. Still not seeing much in the way of results, apparently it takes a month. So I managed to meet my goal for this week of getting all my cardio done. My goal for this next week is to get my diet onto a track of perfect cleanness, this week let's hope. But then I am flying to San Diego on Saturday. My goal is to do cardio on Sunday (which is superbowl) and have Saturday as my rest day. Three weeks finished, only 9 more to go.

What a ramble. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

P.s. please try to not to be too disgusted with me. :(  

Skinny Fitspo

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

The Diet & The Exercise

So just a quick update - I've stuck to the exercise programme this week religiously and tomorrow I'm going to try and do a LISS session tomorrow anyway (Low Intensity Steady State) and then a 13 mile hike on Sunday, but that will be a chilled one, but still at 90 calories per hour - 1170 calories burned in one workout, which is excellent, so I'm going to have burned tons on Sunday. My diet hasn't been spot on, but I watched the BBC Horizon special on what diet is really right for you (if you haven't seen it then you MUST SEE IT - it's basically like the science of why people over eat, REALLY REALLY INTERESTING!). Okay, I'm digressing - catastrophic thinking - is the thing I wanted to mention. It is something that they talk about in the documentary and it is very relevant to not only the obesity convo, but also the way that we think about what happens when we cheat. GET TO THE FUCKING POINT PIGGY, JESUS! Okay so what happens when we cheat our diets, we think - oh god, I've done it, I may as well go COMPLETELY off the rails, because I'm already off the rails. I've written posts about this before, when it rains, it pours. This is something that was mentioned on this documentary and it was called 'catastrophic thinking' so regarding my diet, I did 3 bad things - 1 on each day this week, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday - all three were eating a snack that was too high in calories and pushed me up from around 1000 cals to 1500 cals. But, having watched that piece on BBC, I was like, yes this is done, but it isn't an excuse to have a large bag of crisps, a chinese takeaway, a slab of chocolate, milkshake and miscellaneous carbs. 

Progress, slow and steady. I feel like this programme is helping me get over some of my ED stuff. I'm hoping for a weightloss on Monday when I weigh. Today, I had a cheat meal which was enormously high in calories, but I did also do my full body workout for the day. 

*QUICK NOTE, IF YOU ASKED ME FOR THE KAYLA ITSINES PROGRAMME AND I HAVEN'T SENT IT TO YOU, WON'T YOU ASK ME AGAIN? I WANT TO SHARE THE LOVE!!*

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

I Win, I Lose

This 12-week bikini body challenge HAS TO WORK. This is what fucking happens if it doesn't *queue thought process*: See, you've fucked your metabolism, no matter what you can't be healthy and skinny, the only way to get skinny is to starve, you DEFINITELY can't eat more than 1000 cals a day, fat bitch, right so you haven't been eating that much and you still aren't losing, let's go on an apple fast, no I can't go on an apple fast, I'll fall asleep at work, but the GUIDE ISN'T FUCKING WORKING, hard work and dedication mean nothing, unless you're starving yourself,you will NEVER have a bikini body.

>> IT JUST HAS TO WORK.

I've been clean with my diet all week so far, okay it's only Tuesday. So this is the third day in a row. I got up this morning before work and did 35 mins of cardio = power walk, 5km, 240 cals burnt. I'm going to try and get up early tomorrow and do abs and arms.

This just has to work. I hope that there is a loss on the scale soon. *But you're gaining muscle - doesn't. fucking. cut. it. anymore. as an excuse. FUCK YOU!!!!!*

I'm about the snap, can you tell?

Love & Insanity
Xo Xo

Ana Always Knows Better

So here's the thing. I've been doing Kayla Itsines for two weeks now and there is not one bleeding pound difference in my weight or any kind of streamlining in my physical appearance despite eating a diet that I hate (leading to a binge on both weekends that I've been following it) and doing workouts which I wouldn't say that I hate, but I wouldn't say that I love them either. The short of it is essentially that now I need to half my calories, up the cardio and do this the way that I know works. Staring. Ana, always knows best. Unfortunately, fat piggies like myself do not have the luxary of eating 1200 calories a day and losing weight. So starve, starve, starve, binge, starve, binge, starve is the way that my life will always be. 

That being said, today I've had 700 calories, I walked for 9.5km (540 calories burnt) and did the week 2&4 full body workout. My goal for this week is to do 2 morning LISS (Low instensity steady state) cardio sessions and to NOT binge on Friday night. A little motivation: my friend who was always chubby while I was the 'hot' one (I've only known her since my ED has flared up... i.e. the last 4 years) is now at her goal weight of about 100lbs (she is tiny though height wise). So I am going to go to sleep by 11pm tonight so that I can get up at 6.30 and go for a 35 minute brisk walk/run. 

Yes. We. Can. Ana will always win. Ana always knows. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

P.S. Oh ja, I'm not pregnant *fucking streamers* - good, because I'm obviously NOT preggo, but bad, because then it does mean that the only reason I'm not losing weight is because I'm a tub of lard. Great.