Halloween

So this weekend... I stayed in on Friday night and didn't eat. Much - I mean about 900 altogether. On Saturday, I was nervous as hell - it was going to be my first public outing with Colbey and I was absolutely terrified. I was running really late and eventually got to my friends house - they got to the pub before we did and then we showed up about twenty minutes after kickoff. The All Blacks won! Thank fuck, because Colbey and I had a bet that if either of our teams won the World Cup, the other would get the emblem tattooed on the ass. Thank fuck. 

So when we got there, Colbey was fucking. wasted. I mean - Fifteen beers and a fifth of vodka kinda wasted. He was screaming horrible things at the game (unsportsmanly things ergo horrible) which made me really shifty and his friend Nath was there, who I was trying to hook up with Monika - thankfully, my friends saved the day by also coming along so it wasn't an awful couple situation. Colbey and I barely looked at each other the entire game - I was MORTIFIED!! Even thinking about it - I AM mortified. 

He was super cute though, kept trying to grab me and kiss me... which was sweet in a way and then we went back to Monika's flat and he passed the fuck out. It was cute, but really messy. After a couple of hours, we dressed up and went out. He didn't make it into the club, so I was on drunk duty. And from there... I had the best possible night. He is HEAPS of fun. We partied all night and then at about 1am we left the bar and started having a London mission. 

We went and got dirty burgers (a MILLION CALORIES!) and then walked along the river, we sat on this wall for ages making out... It was absolutely beautiful. He totally told me he loved me (which was a drunk confession so 100% not true) and it was the sweetest thing. And then we had the best sex... OMG that I have had in ages. He is just so... Yeah. Amazing. 

Anyway, then yesterday, we spent the whole day just hanging out. He was super cuddly and cute. He's so ticklish and he sleeps like a teddy. We went and had lunch with his friend and he's super affectionate (even in front of the friend) - like, holding my hand and stuff... It was. Just so great. We did talk about our ex's a bit. Then stupidly I went and stalked all the ex's on fb. The first two are throwaways. And like - no threat there. 

The most recent one, which is like a year and a bit ago - she is smoking hot, really pretty and she looks like a ton of fun. The pics - like they were doing tons of stuff together, travelling - she met his parents. Like - I FUCKING HATE HER. I WANT TO KILL HER. FUCKING WHORE PERFECT BITCH HO!  So, yeah. That was a mistake. The good news is that it is really motivating me to get thin again and to be more active and fun already. More than just drinking. 

Anyway, so that was my weekend. He left his phone in the uber and it was dropped off here at 4.45am this morning, I now have his phone less than a few feet away and the temptation is too much. But I don't know the passcode. ANYWAY, forget about it - I'm not going to act like a psycho with this one. This is it - I am not fucking this up. Today I've had about 200 cals, including a herbalife shake (150 - I figured if I make it with almond milk, it's less calories) and coffee. 

I will weigh tomorrow, but I ate like shit on Sunday. A lot of shit. So I'm not expecting anything. I am going to a write-in in an hour which is a get together of writers who sit and write for 2 hours. It's part of NaNoWriMo - which is National November Writers Month or something like that with the goal of writing an entire book (or 50000) in one month. Now, I've already got 63000 words, so I've only got 27000 to reach my goal. So this month will be about finishing my book. And getting it ready for editing. 

YES! 

Love & Writing

Xo Xo

Halloween Anxiety

Tomorrow is going to mine and Colbey's first outing since we started hanging out - now please note: We are not dating. We are not seeing each other. We are not a couple. But like... urgggggh. So we are going to watch the rugby world cup final (NZ vs AU - he is Australian...) and his friend Nath is coming with. Now... My friend Monika is coming with and her and Nath have kinda been... sold on each other for a hook up - you know what I mean, when one tries to play cupid? Well yeah so basically, that is the situation. Now, I'm absolutely shitting it for a number of reasons:

1. It will be couply, I don't want couply - COUPLY MAKES ME WANT TO CLIMB UNDER A TABLE AND DIE!
2. What if Monika and Nath do end up hooking up... Does that make Colbey and I the old married couple of the vibe?? Again, you know what I mean. 
3. What if Colbey goes off and finds another girl to hit on. Not only will I be dying of embarrassment and shame, because obviously I'm fat as shit at the moment and therefore entirely unattractive (my chins have chins) and obviously there will be younger, prettier and certainly skinnier and sluttier than me - HOW DO I REACT? Do I play it cool like I don't care and then stop speaking to him or go psycho? Like - it's just not a situation I want to be in. 
4. Colbey and Nath are 100% not going to be dressing up. And Monika and I are definitely dressing up. It's gonna be weird. I don't want to look weird. I just want him to think I'm hot and cool. 
5. What if I go Keran-mode drunk - what if he goes Colbey-mode drunk? What if we just do mesh together when we are both on form. 

Jesus. It's too much for me. I wish I hadn't invited him. I just want to nap. 

Calories today are roughly 500. No loss, because I fucked up yesterday, got stoned and ate Chinese. I'm hoping for something decent tomorrow. 

Le Sigh & Le Moan

Xo Xo

Herbalife & Colbey

Firstly, my shameful disgusting weight - 74.6kg. Yep - that is how far I've backslid. But plan - I'm going to do herbalife shakes twice a day for two weeks and hopefully shed five of those. That will be 600 cals more or less per day for two week. God, one can only hope. I reckon getting down to 70 will be relatively easy-ish and from there. I don't know how this happened... no, I mean I know exactly how this happened, but like. Ja. Fuck it. 

In other news - Colbey, the Australian. He is dumb and cute, but I really him. He came over yesterday and like.. he's just so cute. But like 29 year old man child. Probably a worse drunk than myself. Sadly, I have found the Australian equivalent of Waldo - Lilypad. The South African beautiful blonde boy... Not even remotely joking. 

Today, plan is for a 600 cal day. Had a shake and two soy lattes (that's already 500, so maybe a bit more). Anyway, WURQ! 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

A Cluster Fuck

Which is a reference to my 'love life' - my life - my life which involves romance men. So first let me talk about Colbey - the Australian. We met up last week Monday and I'm really smitten, but then I saw him two days ago and I realised that he is pretty and dumb. As in, he is not as smart as I am and that makes me sad. He's not smart at all. He has no interest in the things I'm interested in and despite the fact that he's got a masters degree and is a reasonably awesome physiotherapist, he is kinda dumb as rocks. But he's also really into me. And like... he has this emotional sex thing... he got all turned on because I was giving him soft kisses on his nose. *I CAN'T FUCKING EVEN* Anyway, so it makes me wonder if we have it all wrong. Like - do we have to find a man who makes us completely happy or have the middle-aged men with sports cars and trophy wives had it right the whole time. In a world of highflying professionals - should I get a hot, dumb husband and then enjoy my friends and the money that I make. Anyway, so I've decided to try and challenge myself and marry Colbey (am I psycho? It feels like a psycho idea, but like why not?). 

But then it gets more complicated. On Friday, I got well drunk with a friend and ended up shagging him - like BDSM stuff - never done it before, it was weirdly hot. But yeah - WHY DID YOU DO THAT PIGGY??? WHYYYYYYY? 

It gets worse... 

On Saturday, David came round and we shagged too. It was sad stuff and we've been hooking up since then. We know there is no getting back together, but it's ongoing. 

I'm fat. I'm slutty. I'm a pig. 

Cals today: 200 (breakfast), 440 (dinner), 150 (latte), 50 (hot choc) = 840 for the day. 

Stupidity & Shame

Xo Xo

A World Of Shit

So besides the fact that I am predictably huge, however committed to getting smaller. Monday was a fast day - today was a good restricter - I am in a shitstorm, because my contract fee hasn't been paid and I am not 11 days late on my rent. So now, my friend is lending me money to cover it and I feel like a fucking bum. A FUCKING BUM! 

Also, I ran into Roy in Cape Town and Nic - the best friend whom I fucked on the couch downstairs while Roy was asleep - did. not. go. well. Anyway, I won't get into that because I am a fuckhead. Needless to say that I shamed myself. Again. Fucking hell Piggy, get it together. 

I also slept with Will - who, readers will recall was the guy that I shagged before I left Cape Town, again in San Diego last year and whom my recent ex, David stayed with while in Cape Town and was friends with. SO, not only did I sleep with Will, I then told David. David called me a fucking psycho, etc. etc. and so on and so forth. Also, that was super fun. So David will never speak to me again. I'm like two steps away from going all Big in Sex and the City - sending him poems on email asking for forgiveness, but then I don't actually want him back, but I miss him as a friend. He was my best friend. Tragic, innit?

And then, as if the drama of my life doesn't suffice, I told you about the hot Australian from SW4 - well I saw him for the first time since and shagged him - very mediocre, BUT he is just the loveliest most amazing, crazy, fun and funny man - I am completely in love. He texted me yesterday afternoon to say how rough he felt, but that he had no regrets. Have not heard from him since lunchtime yesterday. So, my craziness has yet again turned people away from me. Great, Piggy. Just fucking GREAT! So, ladies and gents - I am destined to die alone. 

Other things happened in Cape Town that I am 100% NOT getting into. 

My intake today was a a quarter slice of pizza (150?), a grilled cheese with tomato soup (600?) - so maybe 850 total. I will post a weight tomorrow. I will be skinny. I will have the Australian (whose name is Colbey) not think I'm disgusting even if he thinks I am crazy... 

OH WAIT! I am fucking crazy. 

Peace & Crazy

Xo Xo