Has left the building! I have absolutely no inspiration to do anything other than sit and eat and be shitty about everything. Work is good, but shit at the same time. I passed my probation and I think my boss really likes me. I seem to be doing well and I found out today that I get a small performance bonus at the end of the month. So that's nice. I think I'll take myself on holiday to Ibiza or something. The German is just amazing. I love him to bits and pieces. He's trying to work out a way to come work here for a couple of months, which is difficult because he has to do his phd at the same time. All so complicated. I feel like I'm getting bored of not having him here. I want things to MOVE FORWARD. God I hate it.
My weight... you ask? A million kilograms. I got super high this weekend and just ate like a madman. I've been reasonably well behaved this week so far. But it's not great. It's around 1000 cals a day. I haven't weighed in about a week because I'm too terrified about what I've done to my disgusting fat ass. I've started skipping lunch at work, so hopefully that will have a bit of an effect on helping keep my disgusting fat calorie eating habits in line. I hate myself, the way that I look. I keep waiting for something amazing and it just never get's better. I'm okay though, for the record. I'm just ranting. I just don't know how I am ever going to get thin again... It just seems like it's never going to happen. Truthfully my weight is only around 63/64 so it isn't hopeless, but at the moment I have the willpower of a hungry vampire. GIMME!
Peace & Love