Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I Spoke Too Soon

David got in touch with me last night and he's having a really hard time with our break-up... as much as it fucking kills me... I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. I think... maybe this is how Roy felt about me - like the JUST. GET. OUT. OF. MY. LIFE. I mean, fuck. David is messed up. Did Roy not care at all? Was I just a pit stop for him... the way that David was a pitstop for me? Shit balls dudes, it's such a fucking hectic thing to think about. I can see how he'd do the back and forth thing with me, because even while David was falling apart I didn't feel anything except regret. Regret for having hurt him and regret for not having broken up with him before things got the way that they did. He said he had never loved anyone as much as he loves me. Am I Roy in this situation? I think I have to make sure that I don't go further down the Roy-hole and not fuck him around and continue to hurt him the way that Roy hurt me. Fuck, this sucks. 

Anyway, Lukasz is the sweetest thing in the world. He bakes, he plays volleyball, he cuddles like a champ. I am so looking forward to Friday... I'm actually kinda nervous. 

Also, why the fuck is Lady GaGa so chunky these days? Like, is it because she likes it or is it because she's all "born this way" bullshit and feels like she is compelled to be NOT flawless. You know?

I've had about 850 cals today (not great). My win however was that I had a salad at an italian restaurant for a team lunch - insalata tricolore, tomato, leaves, avo and mozzarella (I'm guessing about 500, there was a lot of cheese), two veggie sausages (200) and like 2 cups of low-cal hot choc. Not the worst day known to mankind, but hoping for a smooth 700 tomorrow. Haven't weighed. My goal is to behave this weekend and weigh on Monday somewhere around 67. Here's to hoping. I can't be fat if Lukasz is going to see me naked - 'na'd I mean. 

Love & Oh-Oh-Oh
Xo Xo


Calla Lily said...

Your calories goals are great, and are inspiring me to get myself back on track too! Letting David go is the right decision - you've already made up your mind. I wouldn't worry too much about being like Roy. That is, don't beat yourself. However, it is good to take note that you don't like your behaviors in this, and to work to avoid them in the future. Have a good weekend!

Roxie Rice said...

I agree with Calla, your mind is already made up and you don't want to get back together with him just for your past or about how you feel sorry for him. Either you like (love) him or not. Keep up with the low calories girl! :D