Sunday, January 10, 2016

Not Sleeping

I can't seem to get my sleeping patterns in a place where they make fucking sense. I'm so fucking irritated. I will sleep normal sleeping hours and then be fucking exhausted and sleep through the whole day. Then, I'll be awake all night, rinse repeat. It's fucking annoying. And I don't have the encouragement to go to sleep, because I'll just chat to Colbey all night. This needs to stop. 

The benefit of this is that I have been eating almost perfectly (below 1000) and clean. So I have no idea what I am weighing, because I'll only get a scale in like a week and a half. So I just have to make sure that I stay on track until then. 

I worked out that my BMR (base metabolic rate) is current 1499 calories a day so if I make sure that I'm under 1000 that (they say) 1lb a week, which is fucking rubbish, but it does mean that I'll be at my goal in a few short months. 

I just need to not fuck up. Colbey is home tomorrow. I need to ask him about his ex girlfriend... the whole not-knowing thing is driving me fucking mental. Because, I don't want him to not be friends with, I want to be friends with her. Well, not really. But I have a sneaking suspicion that they broke up because he moved here, in which case unresolved feelings and shit. BLAH! Who knows. I just want to know... And I do trust him, I'm sure he isn't telling me because he doesn't want me to get jealous or upset, but not telling me is SO much worse. 

And then there is the other side of me that is terrified that if I ask him, he's gonna tell me that he still loves her, I'm a stand-in/consolation prize and that they hooked up on NYE. 

SAM LUPIN - WELCOME BACK BABE, we missed you. I missed you. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo


am said...

I can totally relate about the sleeping. It really is very annoying. I feel like it throws my whole plan for the day off.
Have a great week. :)

Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│ said...

aye. deprive yourself of sleep one day so you can go to sleep at a sane time.

i've fixed mine so that i'm in bed by 12-1am... though i really should be going to bed at 10-11pm. oops. ah well. uni is a week away. i could fix it by then!

you will lose more than 1lb a week if you keep up to just around a 1,000. just saying.

i think you're overthinking this, love. what is the chance of him hooking up with her happening? and if it does, dump his Aussie ass. you don't need that shit in your life.


-Sam Lupin

Bella said...

I feel you. The past week or so I've been sleeping crazy nocturnal hours, waking up around midnight - 2am. I stayed up all day yesterday though, so fingers crossed I'm back on an even keel.

I hope things go well with Colbey. Honesty is the best policy, especially when relationships are involved.


Angharad (Annie) said...

I can totally relate to your sleeping patterns. My sleep is terrible at the moment, so I really feel for you. I hope you can resolve it and get back into a good sleeping pattern soon. Hope it all goes well with Colbey when he comes back. It's better to talk and have things out in the open than for you to be worrying. Take care xx

Lolita said...

I can also relate; my sleeping is so whacked out at the moment.

You're overthinking Colbey- but I hope everything goes alright!


Charlie said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. My sleep schedule has been so messed up lately, too. Maybe it's the planets and where they are aligned. Lol
I'll be thinking of you and talking to Colbey. From what you've written before he seems like a really good guy. And I know how it feels to not want to get your hopes up... But I personally think that it's better to know and get it all out there rather than let it fester in your mind.