So it's over.

Joseph and I are done. It's a bit of a fucked up story, but bear with me. Okay. So on Thursday night, I went to a friends house... the one with the seriously hot housemate who I hooked up with two weeks ago. Anyway, long story short, it kinda happened again. And like before, I told Joe about it. Then he got furious, like super fucking angry and so I asked him if it was about me and Stuart - he said no. He said it was about the fact that he felt trapped up North and his life was meaningless blah blah, wank. Fair enough, so now I knew at the time that he was jealous and it was redirected anger whatever, but I didn't say anything because I am not his mother, I'm not there to mollycoddle him and if he is jealous and doesn't want me to see other people, then he needs to say so. I'm abso-fucking-lutely not going to try and understand what the hell is going on in his head and play psychic so that he can get away with acting like a child throwing a tantrum. Anyway. So then I offered to let him come stay with me when he comes down for as long as he liked, as long as he promised to move out at some point and that there was no expectation of any serious relationship or anything like that. So I mean, I've never lied to the man, in my mind, I've done everything that I can do to help him. I have told him repeatedly that I'd be bleak if he boned other people even though he obviously could, that I'd want to date him properly once he was here, etc etc. I've given him a hundred purposeful opportunities to try and tell me that how he felt about the whole situation which he hasn't. ANYWAY, so then yesterday after we spoke and I calmed him down it was all fine. Until later when we were chatting again and the subject of myself and Stuart came up - and he just ignored me. Roy used to ignore me. I don't respond well to being ignored. Anyway, so then today I tuned him about it and basically just told him all of this and he explained his side of it. STILL not saying that he was jealous or anything like that. Just that he didn't want to talk to me anymore. But that he's over it. And then he very nonchalantly added that if he wanted to ignore me, that was just what he was going to do. To which I said: No. No, you won't. Because dudes, let me tell you. It is the single greatest fucking thing that I hate more than any other emotional response in the world, is being ignored. So he said: Watch me. And I ended it. All of the crap and emotional fucktardery that Roy put me through has at least shown me that I will not tolerate that kind of emotional retardation in a partner even again. I'm not one's doormat and I'm not going to let him treat me that way. No one is going to treat me that way ever again. I have been nothing but honest and amazing to Joe and that's what I got. Kinda sad, kinda irritating. But I deserve better. So that's that. *semi-sad panda*

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

Keep Truckin'

Quick update on life in general. Thank you all so much for the encouraging words and sentiments about my new job, I really am very excited. Almost as excited as having an excuse to buy lots of fabulous clothing. Work clothes, okay. Not that fabulous, but I'm channeling Samantha Jones. So beautiful court shoes, fabulous tailored trousers and sexy blouses. Well, not exactly Samantha Jones... More... Ally McBeal, but hey whatevs. Samantha Jones, shoes. Anyway. Sex and the City addict much? ANYWAY. Yesterday was perfect, I had three chicken thighs (no bone, skin or fat OBVIOUSLY) and some tuna. The total for the day was somewhere in the 700s which is chilled. The next day is absolutely crucial as I'm going to my friends tonight for a girly gossip, wine and sleepover. So I need to make sure that I stick to my detox, even though there is going to be wine. No carbs, no dairy. I weighed in this morning and it's not great, but it's not bad. I've got... 10 days till I start work and I need to be a normal size 8 (US 4) by then. At the moment I'm a a push of an 8. The clothes fit, but they aren't loose like I like it. I like baggy clothes? Does that make me weird? I'm also deeply deeply uncomfortable about showing cleavage. Not that I have any mind you. I mean literally. I don't wear a bra, because I have nothing. I'm an A-cup... maybe even a double A. Fuck anyway, so I don't like cleavage at all. UNLESS actually its one of those tops that have a J-Lo Versace V in the front. Like right down to the bottom of the ribcage in other words. I dunno. I think when you're tall and lean (not that I'm lean anymore), high necked garments look so sophisticated. Wow, fashion rant. SORRRRRYYY! 

Joe will be here in... 2 and a half weeks. I can't wait. I'm going to have a little sit down 'state of the nation' talk with him, just so that I can find out what his deal is, i.e. when he is going to be moving here. And if he doesn't have an answer then I'm going to end it. I don't want a long-distance boyfriend. Anyway, so that's what happening there. 

Peace & Love 

Xo Xo

Loads. Just loads.

So binge-free challenge, congrats to those that made it. I made it five days, and here's why. And it's no excuse, but here's why. I got the job and am now a gainfully employed 20-something in this asshole city. I start on the 8th and was hoping for some funemployment for the next two or three weeks leading up to it, but it doesn't look like it is going to go that way. I have so much work to do at the moment. ANYWAY, so after I found out that I got the job. And let me tell you, that director that I met, the hot one. Is JUST as hot as I thought he would be. Fucking sigh. The job also has a lot of travelling involved in it, so i'll be in northern europe and Germany a lot in the next year. It's all very exciting. So after I found out I got the job, I celebrated, which has involved enormous amounts of deep-fried carbs, chocolate, wine and cheddar. So I spent three days stoned off my face and eating like a ninja. So of course, I'm fat again and feeling awful. So today, I'm going back on the detox I did in february and it's binge-free challenge round 2 for me. 7 days of no binging. Today is day 1. And I'm aiming for less than 800 cals for the day. We can do this. 

In other news, I saw the cute boy that I hooked up with on Saturday, because he lives with a friend of mine. And I shit you not, he hid from me. Which is totally weird, because I'm obviously not one of those clingy morning after kinda girls. So I laughed and laughed. Silly cute boys. All looks, no brains. Anyway, and Joe is coming down here in two weeks, just for a weekend to visit me. Which is lovely. He's so lovely. But still fast tiring of this will they, won't they situation that we have been doing now for almost two months... fuck me. Almost three in fact. Basically though, I can't binge anymore because I need to be skinny for when he gets here. I can't expect him to want to be with a fat piggy. Also, this visit is going to be friends introductions. Which is kinda hectic. I don't think I want to introduce him to my friends yet. But will see how it goes. Anyway, sorry I've been gone for a week, but you know how I get when I'm getting high. Absent minded. 

Peace & Love

Xo Xo

The World Fucks Hard

Wow, what a day. I had my third and final interview with the director of the media company and it went alrightish, I suppose. I have no idea what to make of it, so I suppose I just shan't say anything until they have told me that I didn't get the job, because I'm sure I haven't. This is the worlds way of fucking me in the ass. I'm in such an awful mood today. I just want to die. to make matters worse, I'm still bloated at a FAT 64.6. Nothing I do seems to ever be good enough, but I suppose at the very least, I still have Joe to make me smile. Even if he is a million miles away right now. Fat, alone and miserable. It's just a bad mood Piggy, it will pass. 

On the plus side, I am binge-free for day three. Congrats to Skylar who is also binge free from yesterday, don't forget to leave a comment and let us know how you're getting on with the challenge. YAY for sticking it to the man. Boom. I think we are going to make it all week. I know that the weekend will be the hardest, but I'm planning on staying in and being miserable. I need to factor in some wine into my week. So that I can get drunk, because I really feel like I just want to escape the world. Only four more days of this binge-free challenge left. Today I had a tall latte from starbucks (104 cals), tuna (264), coffee with milk and honey (85) and chicken stir-fry (312), so my total is 765 for the day. Not too bad. Not over my limit. And not a binge. YES WE CAN! 

Hazelnuts & Kisses

Xo Xo 

Still binge-free...

Well. Today. Where to start. Well let's start with the good/bad. My second interview was an unmitigated disaster. The brief that I sent in for the interview was basically ripped to shreds by the people, i.e. they fucking hated it. So I spent the whole interview, which was nearly an hour long, going through this horrible document wishing I could just crawl under my chair and die. Not to mention the fact that I got my period yesterday, so on top of being bloaty McMoody today, I really REALLY needed to pee the whole interview through courtesy of the ginormous starbucks and bottle of water that I had before the interview. AND even better. And this is a TMI, so boys SHIELD your eyes, I forgot to put a tampon in before I went. So I spent the whole interview kinda jumping around. Thank god I'm on this pill so everything is super light. But still GROSS. So, so gross. Anyway, so then as I got back to my station, the recruiter called me to give me feedback and even though the fucking whole thing was a complete disaster, they were still kinda impressed with me and said that I listened to their feedback well without taking it personally, etc etc and they want me to meet the director. Tomorrow afternoon. Director, no BFD right? I mean directors are old and fat. Old, fat men LOVE me. So the recruiter sent me his profile and I checked him out on linkedin and oh. my. god. Firstly, not only is he totally hot, gorgeous and age appropriate. I walked past him today when I was in the office and absolutely TOTALLY and probably very noticeably checked him out. Eye contact and everything. Fucking hell, there is no way this can end well. *cry* So somehow I need to go meet him, razzle dazzle them and make sure that I don't come across as a totally office whoring slut. I still don't think I will get the job. But WTF-ever. I mean. If I do then I do, if I don't then whatevs. Back to the drawing-board. My life is a farce.

Anyway, so other than that, today has been fine as far as intake. Congrats to everyone who has made it past day 2 of the binge free challenge. Please comment and let us know how you are doing. My limit on the binge-free week is 1000 cals per day. So if it's over 1000 it will be considered a binge. We can do this ladies! I have had a beef stirfry thing (367), tuna (252) and a starbucks skim sugar-free hazelnut latte (170) for a total of 789 for the day. That's fine :). I weighed in this morning at 65.2 which makes no sense to me because I haven't been eating much, but I suspect it has something to do with my period. Ladies, wish me fucking luck with Director McDreamy tomorrow. Because, I'm gonna need it. 

Peace & Lattes

Xo Xo