Wow, so I've been gone for a fucking age and a half. Mostly because I haven't been able to stop eating even when I haven't been high. So the short of it is that yet again, I have undone all of the good work I did before Cape Town. Although, surprisingly, I don't think I look too fat - BUT I definitely am. There is no way that one person could binge as much as I did in the past three weeks and not gain. To give you an idea - there was one day that I ordered take-out. Three times. In one day. THREE TIMES. Hello bulimia - how are you? Shit its been a long time since I binged like that. Anyway, I'm back. Back to ana. She never let's go for too long. But I think I'm done with eating. I feel like I don't want to eat anymore, like I'm not enjoying it. I hate food. I just hate it. Anyway, so I'm too terrified to weigh myself. I am going to give myself another day of low-cal eating before I weigh. I don't want to have a heart attack after all. SO today my intake was under 600 definitely. I had cereal with almond milk (200?) and pasta (350ish). I also had a sugarfree monster and loads of black coffee.. It's ALLLLL good. Anyway, I hope that it is okay.
In other news, I've got a hot date with a Jewish doctor tomorrow. I really don't want to fuck it up, because his dad has a plane, so a) he's loaded and comes from a really good family. BONUS. And b) (more importantly) he is a really nice person, we've got tons in common and he's super easy to talk to. Although, let's just see. I know this is one of those dream-boat men, so I don't want to screw it up. ANYWAY. I may cancel with him, but I shall see... maybe. I do think that I need to learn how to be around people again before I get stuck in my ways, die alone and get eaten by my cats. Ever hopeful... I'm so hopeful.
Peaceful & Optimistic