Wow, so I've been gone for a fucking age and a half. Mostly because I haven't been able to stop eating even when I haven't been high. So the short of it is that yet again, I have undone all of the good work I did before Cape Town. Although, surprisingly, I don't think I look too fat - BUT I definitely am. There is no way that one person could binge as much as I did in the past three weeks and not gain. To give you an idea - there was one day that I ordered take-out. Three times. In one day. THREE TIMES. Hello bulimia - how are you? Shit its been a long time since I binged like that. Anyway, I'm back. Back to ana. She never let's go for too long. But I think I'm done with eating. I feel like I don't want to eat anymore, like I'm not enjoying it. I hate food. I just hate it. Anyway, so I'm too terrified to weigh myself. I am going to give myself another day of low-cal eating before I weigh. I don't want to have a heart attack after all. SO today my intake was under 600 definitely. I had cereal with almond milk (200?) and pasta (350ish). I also had a sugarfree monster and loads of black coffee.. It's ALLLLL good. Anyway, I hope that it is okay.
In other news, I've got a hot date with a Jewish doctor tomorrow. I really don't want to fuck it up, because his dad has a plane, so a) he's loaded and comes from a really good family. BONUS. And b) (more importantly) he is a really nice person, we've got tons in common and he's super easy to talk to. Although, let's just see. I know this is one of those dream-boat men, so I don't want to screw it up. ANYWAY. I may cancel with him, but I shall see... maybe. I do think that I need to learn how to be around people again before I get stuck in my ways, die alone and get eaten by my cats. Ever hopeful... I'm so hopeful.
Peaceful & Optimistic
Xo Xo
3 comments:
"Wow, so I've been gone for a fucking age and a half." yes you have i am disappoint
POST EVEN WHEN YOU CAN'T STOP EATING EVEN WHEN YOU'RE NOT HIGH. new rule. bc can't get enough of you. obvs.
low cal eating before weighing. sounds like a good plan. teheh.
a Jewish doctor? hot.
good. stay hopeful. :3
-Sam Lupin
Do iiiiiiiiittt... he sounds like a catch, and perfectionists of an eating disordered nature under-rate themselves so severely.
We convince ourselves that we deserve to be some shitty degrading codependent hating relationship with a man who treats us as badly as we treat ourselves, it's like we feel that we "deserve it" or something... but girl, you're fucking amazing, and I guarantee if you cancel, he'll be thinking, "Yeah, I knew a girl that amazing and smart and hot would never be interested in me. She's totally out of my league."
TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY BY THE DICK AND RIDE IT LIKE IT'S TAKING YOU TO AGRABAH. DO IT.
Freaky hot sex burns calories and tones the abdominal muscles from the inside out. Do ittttttt.
Oh shite, I forgot I had a name-change while you were away, I used to have a little bat as my icon, I hope you remember me... I swear I'm not some random creep goading you to have freaky sex on a plane.
Well, I am, sort of... this is the internet, after all, but I swear, I'm a creep who has followed your blog for a long time, not a random creepy creep. :3
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