Sunday, June 16, 2013

WTF is Happening?

Sorry it's been a while dudes and dudettes. I feel like sometimes I go through phases where I feel totally suffocated by people to an extent that I don't want to reach out or chat or anything like that... Hence my leave of absence. I suppose there is a lot to report... The German from my conference - him and I have been like. In contact. I think it may be something... like a proper something. Of course the problem is that I don't really know what to make of it because he doesn't like here. Even though it's less than an hour's flight away. But still you know? I have also realised that the thought of actually being in a proper relationship completely terrifies me. He is coming here in a little while and last night I thought of the idea of him in my flat... on a plane to London and I started to have a panic attack. Thanks Roy, you belligerent assbag for fucking me up so perfectly. Asshole. Anyway, I never thought of myself as unwilling to have to give that part of myself to a person again, but i'm thinking that I should perhaps nip it in the budd... just for now. I don't want to be scared of him. Anyway. 

The good news is that even though I'm not getting thinner, I'm not getting any fatter. I'll start tracking again as of tomorrow. Also, will post a weigh in. Today I've had too much. I've had two sole fillets (320), some light cranberry juice, pistachios, a big yoghurt and way too much cheese. Anyway, I'm really sorry that it has taken so long for me to post. Almost two weeks isn't it? What's been going on. I'm in such a weird headspace at the moment. Like... I don't even know how to describe it. Let's put it this way - I'm listening to radiohead again. And that hasn't happened in a while. Fuck. I'm trying to figure it out. OH and I'm applying for a Masters in Psychology to start in September. Fuck yeah. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

3 comments:

ꜛⱴאּ Sⱥm ŁupiƝ ҂ said...

that is definitely understandable
sometimes you are suffocating from people and society and just everything that you have to lie down and do nothing
Roys a fucking ass and i have no words to describe how much i loathe his existance so if i had a chainsaw i'd fuck him in the ass with it
sometimes not thinking about your headspace helps
if it helps i don't eat that little ;)

-Sam Lupin
PS. FP, do you just do everything you can woman you are amazing

Ashley Nichole said...

I love your good news "I'm not getting any fatter even if I'm not getting any thinner!"

I need to be more of an optimist because right now I am eating the world away through my pessimism!

Emily Anonymous said...

Yay, good luck getting your masters!