You know. Sometimes, I really do believe that my life is actually crazier than most other peoples. I do kinda think that somehow my life is a series of just really random events, crazy people and crazy stories. I mean. The situations I often find myself in amuse me. To the ends of the earth really. I mean - last weekend I met two guys on my way home and ended up getting a dodgy tattoo of a heart on my ribs (not the smartest idea, but what the fuck ever). My latest misadventure was last night. I sold this TV that my friend from South Africa left here with me when he went back and the guy that bought it showed up and he isn't bad looking, age appropriate and as it turns out completely interesting. I started babbling on about something as I tend to do and before I knew it we were drinking vodka and making out. I am fairly certain that he is at least bi-sexual as I made a joke about him being a top or a bottom and he was like. Oh, DEFINITELY a bottom. I was like 'dafuq!?' He wasn't joking. Anyway, so he stayed the night, nothing happened really, we were both very drunk. I dunno, he is also really weird and very intense. I think he is just lonely and without being a total asshole, I'm kinda out of his league. I mean. The fact that I'm an elephant aside. He's 32. God, how sad is it that 32 is age appropriate for me. FUCK MY LIFE.
Anyway, so I mean. There are a couple of red flags here apart from the fact that he might actually be gay. The first being that he was sectioned a few weeks ago for basically getting fucked up on mushrooms and then wandering around the countryside, getting really ill, hitch hiking back to London and then going psycho - apparently drug-induced psychosis. Apparently. Anyway, so there is that. Then there is also the fact that he is like best buddies with his mother and father. I mean. I don't really like anyone interfering too much in my life. Come on. I moved halfway across the world to get away from my meddling family. So there is that also. Then - he knows a lot of people on crack by the sounds of things. Like, he keeps referring to crackhead friends of his and the fact that they hang out at his place. He obviously doesn't have a lot of friends. Anyway, then he said that he couldn't just let loose, because people really irritate him and in a nut shell. He basically said that he was scared that he would kill someone. I mean. WTF. I know and trust myself enough as a person to make sure that no matter how angry I am with someone, that I wouldn't kill them. I mean - I'm not an angry person, well that's a lie. I am, but I'm not a fucking psycho killer fucking stalker crazy person. Fuck it. Jog on?
Yeah anyway, there are a lot of things basically about this guy that are crazy. Oh WAIT!! AND THE BEST FUCKING PART, THE BEST. He has already told his mother about me. Oh yeah. Well that being said, of course - I don't give a continental flying fuck if the person is bat shit crazy, because me being me, I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want anyway. And with that in mind, we're going to hang out this weekend. It should be awesome. I'm in Hamburg next week for work on the trip that I was supposed to see the German on. But, I may have neglected to tell you all this - he was seeing someone else on the side. And honestly, I was fucking disgusted. Now I know I'm the worlds hugest hypocrite, but the thought of him with someone else makes me fucking ill. And not only that - I've been down this road before with Roy-I'm-A-Cunt-Face-Loser-Assbag-Whoring-Piece-Of-Shit-Liar, and I just don't have the energy to ever go down that road again. And yes, it did upset me, which is the reason that I'm on this downward binge spiral to hell. But it is what it is and I think that at this point in my life, I am too selfish to give a shit about anything other than myself and my two kitties. So - what the fuck ever. JOG ON!
In other news, I'm day 3 totally vegan - even today - being hungover as SHIT, I managed to stay vegan and the brilliant thing about it is that vegan food, really isn't that great. Like all the good stuff that I love - with the exception of potatoes - I don't wanna eat that much of it, so even though I gave myself license to have a hungover binge - I didn't end up eating too, too much. I mean - I had vegetable curry with rice for lunch, some pasta for dinner, a sandwich and some rice cakes. Really - considering what I can eat in a binge - it's not that much at all and without dairy i.e. cheese and meat in it, it's not even that high in calories. So yeah, veganism is a breeze so far and being the attention whore that I am - I like that I have a bit of an eccentric diet, like Steve Jobs. What would Steve do?
I've been having a weird thought lately about printing off the entire contents of this blog and printing them into a book... Oh some variety. Then deleting all the current posts and starting fresh - same URL, just not branded as a pro-ana blog. I know this is a stupid and ungrateful thing to say, but I get really irritated by getting emails from girls asking me how to be ana/mia. Come on guys, have we learned nothing? An eating disorder is something that I live with - it's part of my life, it's a disease that I have that dictates each and every move that I make. I am not going to encourage you to be sick, anymore than I'm going to encourage you to go have sex without a condom in rural Africa and get AIDS. Again, have we learned nothing?
Love & Drugs