Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Excellence Is NOT Too Much To Ask For

I just can't seem to control myself. My god. Yesterday, I may as well have eaten my body weight in disgusting carbs. I mean being onsite is just a barrage of bad food, although I've tried to stay clear of it and then tried to mitigate with soup for dinner last night. But then I had bread with it. Cry, cry, cry. I'm going to try and do the vegan thing today while onsite, which probably just means a lot of fruit, because lord knows, they don't cater to vegans. I can't wait to go home, I hate being away. I know it makes me a sad cat lady, but I really miss my cats. God, I'm kinda pathetic. I need to face the scale tomorrow morning at home. I hope it isn't too bad, but I can see that it is. I look pregnant. 

I got into a bit of a heated discussion with a girl from work where basically they told me that I need to start playing the 'game' at work. I.e. run with the corporate bullshit that is part of being employed with a big corporation. These fucking people just don't understand. They are happy being mediocre and okay with life. Aspiring to get a mortgage, have children, marry someone less than perfect just to be able to do this. And rather than putting it down to a difference in priorities, she seems to think that the reason I don't want to play the game and aspire to these things is because I'm SO young. NO, let me tell you. NO. I don't want to engage in this shit, because I aspire to be amazing, with an amazing career and I truly believe that I can and will make a difference in the world. Maybe I am crazy to think that I can, but working in a corporate environment has not made me resign myself to the idea that this is it - it makes me want it even more, it makes me want to be more excellent. I don't want to play their game, because I don't believe that I should be a corporate beggar playing over the scraps, I believe that I should be playing the game with things that matter - that I am an asset to any organisation that I am part of and I expect to be treated as such. Maybe I am arrogant, but maybe I am just crazy enough to innovate and believe that I can make a difference - BECAUSE I CAN. 

In other news, a colleague of the German is at this conference and came up to me yesterday to tell me that he sends his regards. Talk about awkward. And I mean - I want to know who this person is. Or how much he knows about the situation, because it was kinda like he was making an awkward gesture. It was very awkward on the whole. I've decided now that I want to be single going forward. I'm done dating losers. I don't have a problem with random hook ups when I need some loving, but I like being on my own and I'm just going to embrace that and work on my career. I applied for an awesome job at the Oxford University Press as a Production Editor, I hope, hope, hope I get it. It will mean moving to Oxford, but OUP is a dream job, so I'm totes willing to do that. Guys, I just want to curl up in bed and cry a little. Like, sometimes, you just need an ugly cry. 

Love & Hamburg
Xo Xo

1 comment:

Lena said...

Sometimes you really do need a good cry. But, remember, you will be amazing. I don't think that it's naive to strive for more than what most people can and want to do. It's ok to want to be extraordinary. It's ok to want to save the world. It's ok to want to be remembered. People just lose sight of what's important sometimes.
Stay strong, love.
Lena xx