Monday, September 8, 2014

Just When Things Get Good

So I tried my new kettlebell yesterday, as I said - and I am stiff today, but not unbearably so. I'm aiming to workout every second day, so today I don't have to which is just as fucking well because I worked an 11 hour day today at work and just got home. I'm still not weighing myself and it's fucking liberating. The whole weekend I didn't actually binge - not like terribly anyway. I mean, I definitely didn't go over 2000 on Friday or Saturday... Yesterday ended up being fine. Today's intake was also okay - I'm trying not to obsess. I really do feel liberated... I don't know what has changed with me all of a sudden - like I can't be arsed to obsessively count calories right now? Am I recovering? I don't really know what's going on? I'm really confused, because I don't want to eat more and I still want to be thin - but I don't want to weigh myself and I don't want to like.. Yeah - I don't actually know. This has never happened to me before... 

Also, HAPPY 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!! August 26th was the 3 year anniversary of my blog - how mental is that? I feel like I need to do a belated birthday edition or something. 

ANYWAY AND so despite being stiff and not having a terrible intake for the last week or so, I'm so fucking bloated - my stomach is literally distended. It's disgusting. I do have my period though, so that is why, but it's awful. I don't know how pregnant people do this - it's SO uncomfortable. Awful. 

Bloated & Confused
Xo Xo


Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ│͍͢⃝Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│❀✿ ⱴ⁄ said...

brill, baby, brill.
i think the more i increase my calories, the more a change of 200-300 calories extra over the weekends does me nothing. i used to be able to lose weight on 1,800-2,000 calories (PS. i had a good exercise schedule) but i dropped loads in one week. then i freaked out because i eat too much, cut that down and ate my weight in all the times instead. idjit. help me.
it's not recovery i promise you. recovery is like busting your ass to defy ED so much. i don't think it's a middle ground between ED and recovery either. actually, ED is so engrained into everyone's head that in recovery, it is so likely to just swap anorexia for ortherexia. in fact, most recovering anorexics eat "clean" to the point where if they ingest a bite of something they consider unhealthy, they freak out. in the end of the day, EDs are such coping mechanisms that if you take the "don't eat" away, the ED itself would arrange itself in a way that would still be unhealthy preoccupied with food but in a way that is not related to starvation. it's a tricky one that thing.
don't know why i said that but it's 6 in the morning so don't blame me.
what would be in a belated birthday edition? teheheheh.
you are always a pleasure to hear from, FP. <3

-Sam Lupin/George DiCap

Roxie Rice said...

Happy Blog Anniversary piggy! I'm happy to hear that you're feeling a bit better these days, you know, not binging or super counting calories xD I've had those days as well, and I was also like, "Holy shit, is this what recovery feels like?!" It lasted like a week or something :C then I was back to a binge and fast routine. At least I had a week when I didn't feel so bad about myself :) On another note, how many calories do you lose on a kettlebell?

*Roxie Rice*