Monday, September 15, 2014

Staying Upbeat When You're Disheartened

I feel a bit defeated today... :( 

I am defeated by work, because it feels like I'm running on a hamster wheel and my projects are just not doing very well and I don't know what I can do to fix them or if it's just me. Am I the problem? My colleague, who is NOT half as good as I am... maybe she is good and I'm just the problem is getting to go on uber important business missions to Central America for weeks at a time and I can't even get to my shit. It's like they are working me like a dog on shit projects and then freeing up her schedule so she can go on amazing trips. I'm just bleak. I've finally made the decision that I'm going to go back into law, so I'll start my LPC next April. Time to be a lawyer, I'm sick of being in this role, even though the travelling is great. 

I'm defeated by my body. I'm working hard to not binge and I still haven't - legit, have not binged in two weeks, haven't weighed and HAVE worked out every two days since last Sunday - I even threw in a bonus day yesterday, but fuck it. I don't look any thinner, I don't look any more toned. I just don't feel like it's working. I mean - is this it? I finally get to a good place where I don't want to obsess over my weight on the scale and instead am taking to a binge-free, scale-free, exercising lifestyle and I'm still disgusting and fat? HOW DO NORMAL PEOPLE DO THIS!? I don't want to crack and go back. I don't want to binge and starve anymore - I just DON'T WANT THAT!!!!! But if this doesn't work then what the fuck am I going to do? I'm going to weigh myself on Monday next week and if the scale isn't reflecting, I think this "healthy" phase might be over. 

Fucking bleakers, yo. Fucking. Bleakers. 

Kak & Despair
Xo Xo

3 comments:

Ruby Tuesday said...

Hang in there Piggy
I am in a similar position
Not weighing
And trying to be healthy
It will happen
We just need to be patient
I think you are doing so well
Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle x

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ│͍͢⃝Ṣαᵯ ȽuРіῄ│❀✿ ⱴ⁄ said...

oh this sounds right up my alley.
an excessive amount of work and assholes that have better outcomes from working very little whilst i bust my ass. fuck them all.
you know what i say about people that get way more than they deserve? they'll get fucked in the end. one way or another. they'll get hit.
maybe i'm just a sadist but you know, some people bring it upon themselves. that and they suck.
" I don't look any thinner, I don't look any more toned. I just don't feel like it's working." honey, there's one thing i have to tell you and that's you're the worst judge of whether or not you look thinner.
good luck cutie <3
i hope you have a good day today.

-Sam Lupin

cursum perficio said...

Lawyers can travel too and omg would I kill for a job like that! Holy cow, you are one talented girl!