Sunday, December 7, 2014

Well, That Just Happened

Let me start from the beginning...

My date with Luka (the baker) last weekend was a FUCKING DISASTER! He said Kurt Cobain was an idiot... He thought that I agreed with AIDS being the 'cure' for over population of the planet. He knew the people at the restaurant professionally - like did he take me there to show me off? Why would you take a person on a second date to a place where you know everyone professionally? Anyway, so basically - he asked me if I wanted to do it again. Before I could even stop myself the words flew out of my mouth "no, not really, absolutely not." OH, the fucking KICKER!! When the bill came for the meal (after I had got a friend to 'emergency call' me to get me out of there!), he insisted on paying and then I insisted on paying, and then I said we should rock, paper, scissors it and he refused. WHEN THE FUCK DID IT BECOME THE MAN'S ROLE TO DECIDE WHO PAYS FOR THE BILL! I didn't even get a say in it - I don't need a fucking man to buy me a meal - I can buy myself a meal, hell I can buy the man a meal. I will not put up with a man who thinks he has to take care of me, fuck. that. It's like feminism never happened. 

Anyway, so fat as fuck I am. I haven't even weighed in ages, I'm too fat and I'm worried that I'm well over 70kg. So whatever, I can get this back down. I went climbing today and ate like around... 1200 cals, so it will get better. 

ANYWAY, so this week has been interesting... David and I went out for lunch last weekend and then it was all amazing - like I left super confused, like we were having a good time the way we used to have a good time. Laughing and joking around, like just normal and amazing. Anyway, so then last night we had dinner again and long story short we ended up in bed together and hung out all of today. I think it may be back on. Now. There are a couple of things that you would be thinking right now. Firstly, WHAT THE FUCK!? Apparently, he is on anti-depression meds now which he started needing around July/August, he has only been on them for three weeks. He said he was too embarrassed to admit how he was feeling then and tried to cling onto our relationship to get out of the hole he was in. So, I dunno... I feel like maybe we can actually make something work if he actually gives me my space, which he has to and I'm not going to let him start fucking... I dunno... smothering me. 

Is this is a terrible idea? 

Is this all going to go tits-up? 
Most likely. 

Do I feel like I have some reason to pursue this?
With every fibre of my being. 

I'm a fucking idiot. 

Peace & Love
Xo Xo

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