Wednesday, September 19, 2012

500 or 5000

Sooooooooo, Monday was a success and ended on about 550 cals for the day and woke up yesterday morning at 61kg. Which was fabulisimo. Then yesterday, I fucked it up at a friends house, because she had a thift sale thing because she is immigrating to Brazil. All these Polish and German people, like here have pizza, have cheese have this and that. And I went there with the intention of saying no. But I had a peanut, and it was over. Then about 4 small slices of pieces, so much cheese and cured meat, crisps, nuts, a couple glasses of red. Not enough to feel full, but constant nibbling over a few hours. You know how that goes. Fuck balls. Anyway, so then I came home, but before I did I had a chat with my friend about Roy and his engagement. Which obviously mad me very sad, so I came home and had to stay awake so I could watch a live stream of a Killers concert - which was mutha fucken epic *happy penguin dance* and in the process started drinking. Then ran out of Jack, so I went to the store to buy more wine and got pasta in the process. Just pasta though, which although it was still something I wasn't meant to have, I usually turn these things into MASSIVE binges. Like you know, when it rains, it pours. If I am going to 'cheat' it is going to be worthy. My days are either 500 cal days or 5000 cals. Ridic isn't it? Anyway so then I went home and ate that with the wine, two pots of low-fat custard and a chicken salad. Which was tres yummy, but still. Anyway, so that was my fuck up last night. And I just got drunk and cried for a couple of hours. But you know? Crying last night, like sobbing and being angry and screaming, has actually made me feel a fuckton better today. I haven't started randomly screaming "I HATE YOU" like someone with tourettes, which I have been doing for the past couple of days, so that's good.

I have also decided that I am going to move to Las Vegas after I get my British passport. And I'm going to do that by registering my business in the US which will entitle to me to living there for a year. Or I can marry someone for a greencard. I'm not above that. Any takers? I'm crazy, but I cook like a demon and my cat is super cute. I kind of feel like Vegas is my kind of city. Like there is city, then there is desert. It's mysterious and fake. Dramatic. Exciting. Anyway, I consider myself to be a fake person. I feel like I put on a show for people. Like I have to be this exciting happy flamboyant person ALL THE TIME. Even the way I dress, I always dress fashionably, because I want people to have this impression of me that I'm super fabulous, trendy and the kind of girl that you would WANT to know. I guess Vegas is perfect for me, because you have the strip and within 25 minutes you are in a fake rendition of the old west. Man, I think if I were a city, I may be Vegas actually. Gosh its so exciting. If I can get a green card before then, I'd definitely go sooner. Yes we can!

Today so far, I've had a custard pot (I love these), two slices of chicken breast and some coffee. I plan to have soup for dinner. Maybe a small salad so that I'll be at about 600 for the day? Maybe even 700? I think I want to try alternating my cal intakes between days to keep the metabolism guessing, which is the same vibe as the SGD and ABC. So maybe 700 today and 400 tomorrow? Something like that. FUCKING HELL MY FOOT IS SORE. Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last post. Ya'll are so supportive its ridic.

Custard & Chicken
Xo Xo


Skylar Rainn said...

"Or I can marry someone for a greencard. I'm not above that." - LOL that tickled me. So matter-of-fact as always! And yeah if you start to eat junk the mentally is "Fuck it, I've started it now". Glad to hear you're feeling a little bit better xxx

Anonymous said...

I just binged so bad with cookies chips and an ice cream bar, and throwing it up is so slow -___- oh well it's either this or remain fat.....:( keep going though girl! youre my role model.

Anonymous said...

I love Vegas! It's one of my favorite places to visit. I went just this year. It's like whole different world there. Glamorous yes-and so much to see. Tons of buffets too-but I stay away from those.

The Lovely Bones said...

I really want to go to Vegas. Everything about it looks amazing. I want to go alone and just get completely lost in the crowds.
But I'm waiting until I'm 21 because going to Vegas when I'm too young to drink in America seems pointless, haha.
I hope you're okay. Sometimes a night of drunken anger is exactly what we need.
Take care.

FFAgirl said...

i live in new hampshire. and goos luck with the buisness!!! i hear ya on the 500 or 5000 deal. it sucks hardnuts.

Tatyana said...

Oh, my girlg! I love your logic :D Married because of greengard and wanting to move somewhere totally fake because of what you think of yourself! (Ever considered China? I mean hey, fake things are legal here - and to talk about fake, Chinese friendships are all about face (read fake) and you can't ever be wrong because you're Chinese, so even faking the truth is real here! *how you mean, it's obvious I miss home at the moment*)

stillimagining said...

same here with the dressing fashionably and stuff. its like ur trying to put on this big show and present urself as this image of who u want to be. this shell....i went to vegas 2 yrs ago and hated it. rly did. but ten again i was only 14 so what did i know? hopefully it will be a better place for u. ull probably have to stay inside all the time though lol because its like boiling there during the day.... stay strong<3

Anonymous said...

Yep, yep, yep. 500 or 5000 all the way. I can't find balance. I really doubt I ever will. Lol.

WinterA said...

I admire you were able to even talk to him. Even now I don't think I could talk to my ex husband.

Yeah I sometimes will just go ahead and blow my calories for the day but it very rare. The last time I did that was on my bday. I was enjoying myself and didn't want to think of the millions and millions of cals I was eating. You were at a party and having a great time. You made that pizza sound super yummy by the way.

I still want to go to Las Vegas one day. I think I just need to write down the places I would like visit period and invest a good camera so I can take amazing photos.

I hope your business is still going well ;-) I haven't forgotten. Take care.

Honor Regzig said...

My best friend was born & raised in Vegas. He was poor ofc so there isn't a lot of nostalgia... but he really misses their very well designed public transportation system. He'd driven a car maybe once in all the years he lived there. Didn't get his license until he moved near me. Didn't need his license in Vegas!