I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about why it is that I am slipping and sliding so far backwards. After all the progress I made over a year, I've almost totally undone it. Well, not totally. But badly enough that I feel like a failure. I think however, I have come to the realisation that I'm doing it all wrong. My current dilemma is that I am too far gone to expect to have a couple days of fasting and then I'll be where I want to be. I need to reset my mind to realise that where I am now is about treating my weight as actual loss. I.e. I need to go back to what worked for me in the past to get back down to my 55 that I was four months ago. It is a very horrible and hard truth to have to admit to yourself that you have fucked up so badly that you just aren't skinny anymore. So well. The time has come. Revisiting this, I am determined to get my weight back down the way that I did before and this is how I did it. I ate, three times a day. I didn't try to fast every day or make everyday a juice or fruit fast. I just made sure that I counted calories religiously. And that's what I need to do. I also didn't stick to fruits or soups exclusively, I had variety in my diet. I remember being a lot better about it and I didn't only eat diet food.
Yesterday, in the spirit of this new acceptance, I had spaghetti bolognaise for dinner, which was a store bought meal for one, because I'm sad and pathetic that way. And it was 550 cals for the dinner. Which was all i ate yesterday, except for two cups of tea. So the total was about 600 for the day. Today, I am going to have a stirfry thingy for dinner which is 350 calories and then I'm going to allow myself to have something else. I was thinking maybe some fruit, maybe some mango, to punch it up to 600/700 for the day. My logic is, and was back then, that it needs to be slow and sustainable so that I don't end up putting on weight. I can totally do this. I used to eat a lot of canned soup too, but I'm not sure I want to go back to that. Anyway, I'll see how it goes. But at the moment, I can do this. I have to do this or else none of my clothes are going to fit.
In other news, I managed to get a start on my laundry yesterday. Number 1 of 3, although I think I may try and take it all to the laundry today so I don't have to do anymore tomorrow. This is phase one of my get ready for visitors plan. So laundry done. Then I need to clean, which I will do on Friday or Saturday. Tonight (and I'm so excited about this) I've got yoga. Which is rad, because its close by. I'm thinking of jogging there and back, because its only two miles, so not exactly far. I just don't want to arrive at the class all sweaty, so I may have to stop a little bit before I get there to give myself time to desweat. I'm almost on top of all of my work, but I need to redo my hair... which SUCKS, because my scalp is so dry. SO SO dry. and I doubt a whole ton of bleach is going to do it any good. Fucking hell. Being blonde is a lot of hard work. I think I can probably get away with it till January, but do I really want to be all roots in my holiday pictures, since I'll already be fucking fat. Fuck sakes. ANYWAY.
Love & Peace