Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Hard Truths: Back to Basics

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about why it is that I am slipping and sliding so far backwards. After all the progress I made over a year, I've almost totally undone it. Well, not totally. But badly enough that I feel like a failure. I think however, I have come to the realisation that I'm doing it all wrong. My current dilemma is that I am too far gone to expect to have a couple days of fasting and then I'll be where I want to be. I need to reset my mind to realise that where I am now is about treating my weight as actual loss. I.e. I need to go back to what worked for me in the past to get back down to my 55 that I was four months ago. It is a very horrible and hard truth to have to admit to yourself that you have fucked up so badly that you just aren't skinny anymore. So well. The time has come. Revisiting this, I am determined to get my weight back down the way that I did before and this is how I did it. I ate, three times a day. I didn't try to fast every day or make everyday a juice or fruit fast. I just made sure that I counted calories religiously. And that's what I need to do. I also didn't stick to fruits or soups exclusively, I had variety in my diet. I remember being a lot better about it and I didn't only eat diet food.

Yesterday, in the spirit of this new acceptance, I had spaghetti bolognaise for dinner, which was a store bought meal for one, because I'm sad and pathetic that way. And it was 550 cals for the dinner. Which was all i ate yesterday, except for two cups of tea. So the total was about 600 for the day. Today, I am going to have a stirfry thingy for dinner which is 350 calories and then I'm going to allow myself to have something else. I was thinking maybe some fruit, maybe some mango, to punch it up to 600/700 for the day. My logic is, and was back then, that it needs to be slow and sustainable so that I don't end up putting on weight. I can totally do this. I used to eat a lot of canned soup too, but I'm not sure I want to go back to that. Anyway, I'll see how it goes. But at the moment, I can do this. I have to do this or else none of my clothes are going to fit.

In other news, I managed to get a start on my laundry yesterday. Number 1 of 3, although I think I may try and take it all to the laundry today so I don't have to do anymore tomorrow. This is phase one of my get ready for visitors plan. So laundry done. Then I need to clean, which I will do on Friday or Saturday. Tonight (and I'm so excited about this) I've got yoga. Which is rad, because its close by. I'm thinking of jogging there and back, because its only two miles, so not exactly far. I just don't want to arrive at the class all sweaty, so I may have to stop a little bit before I get there to give myself time to desweat. I'm almost on top of all of my work, but I need to redo my hair... which SUCKS, because my scalp is so dry. SO SO dry. and I doubt a whole ton of bleach is going to do it any good. Fucking hell. Being blonde is a lot of hard work. I think I can probably get away with it till January, but do I really want to be all roots in my holiday pictures, since I'll already be fucking fat. Fuck sakes. ANYWAY.

Love & Peace
Xo Xo

7 comments:

Anlipanman said...

I've just come to the same realization too! Instead of constantly restricting food, eating little bits throughout the day stops me from binging. So hopefully this doesn't make me fat!

Goodluck :)

Katie Elizabeth said...

I started this today. I'm going to try to eat a little bit for each meal. Still counting calories. Being blonde is a lot of work, that's why I went to pink ;) Good luck sweetie.
XOXO

Emily Anonymous said...

good luck. You can do it!

Miranda said...

I know it sucks to undo hard won weight loss. Just stick with it. I'm in a similar boat right now and a day here and a day there of being 'good' doesn't cut it.

Little Miss Thin ♥ said...

Did I write this? Because this is exactly how I feel! Only doing what I did to lose weight then caused me to gain it. I'm sure you'll have better luck, my body doesn't work right anyway.

And on the blonde; the Live XXL Max Blonde 00B shade is one of the best I've used on my naturally dark hair. Better than the Live XXL 00A Absolute Platinum. The Superdrug own brand prelightener is the other best thing I've used, you mix that up like bleach. Or there's L'Oreal ones that are really blonde/white now. I've not used them because I try to avoid them as I hate their animal testing policies. <3 xxx

Alice May said...

I agree, this is exactly how I feel. I have been trying to fast every day to get back to where I was and every time I eat anything I end up actually gaining and making it worse. I can't fast back to where I was and it will take time. Too bad, I guess I'm going to be fat for Christmas lol. Good luck dear <3 Have fun at yoga!
Alice xx

Judith Marie said...

Amen to every other girl who commented above me. I couldn't have put it better myself. It's also really interesting to read that so many of us are at exactly the same place with our weight loss right now. Like you, I need to go back to what worked because I've been letting myself slip slowly but surely backwards for a whole year and I'm feeling so gross right now.

Variety is key, because girl, you know I binge like mad. I think discipline is the word of the day. And that is something I desperately need.